Weapons of Old and New
by Andrew Joshua Talon
Summary: The last few months of Naruto's three year training trip have unforeseen consequences, as the skills he gains from a mysterious sensei make him both powerful... And vulnerable. Not quite a parody of Super!Naruto stories, but in that general direction...
1. Chapter 1

**Weapons of Old and New**

_Or, Not Another Super Naruto Story_

_(Really. It's Not.)_

_By Andrew J. Talon_

_Disclaimer: Oh, yeah. I SO own Naruto. That's why I have to bust my ass working at minimum wage to pay for college. Psh. Sure._

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"Ow."

"Yeah. Ow," The gray-haired man echoed, leaning on his cane as he looked down at the groaning, blond-haired youth. The lad's loud orange jumpsuit seemed to have a neon glow, even in the half-moon light overhead. The old man sighed heavily.

"I told you, kid. I told you, and you didn't listen." The old man shook his head with a wry smile on his face. The boy below snarled irritably.

"If I had used Rasengan you'd be dead right now!" The old man rolled his eyes and turned away.

"Good grief, are all shinobi your age like this? Apply more power, and you'll win?" The old man sighed. "If you'd used Rasengan you'd be dead. Feel your arm?" The boy looked down his body and groaned. His right fist, which the old man had caught in the lad's lunge punch, was shoved right into his chest. The old man hadn't seemed to move, nor apply much force at all. Yet here the boy lie, his body aching and his arm feeling dislocated.

"How'd you…?"

"Experience. Training. A little luck," the man admitted. The blond grimaced.

"I… I have to get stronger. I have to bring back Sasuke," he muttered. The old man smiled crookedly.

"Ahhh… Thought I recognized you. You're that Uzamaki kid, right?" Naruto Uzamaki looked up at the older man and frowned.

"Eh? How'd you-?"

"Observation, kid. The whisker marks, blonde hair, orange jumpsuit, and Rasengan. You're too recognizable," the man went on. "Not the best trait for a shinobi to have."

"Eh? I dress like this because I'm me!" Naruto snarled. The old man nodded.

"Admirable on a personal level, kid, but when it comes to The Game, it's a handicap. You've fought plenty of enemies, kid, and come out on top. Trouble is… There was a better way to go about it." Naruto glared back.

"I don't worry about how I did back then! I got through, isn't that enough?" The man chuckled.

"Thing is, kid, you did win. But you didn't learn from your mistakes and do better the next time. You were able to overpower your foes when you won, but what happens when you come up against someone more powerful? Someone bigger and stronger? What then?" Naruto glared defiantly at the older man.

"I won against plenty of opponents much stronger than me!"

"No, otherwise you wouldn't have won," the man corrected. He shook his head.

"Strength ain't a problem for you, kid. Fighting, however, is." Naruto growled, though less violently than before. It wasn't easy for him to admit when someone else was right, but in this he knew the old man had a point. Looking back over his previous battles, it had mostly been his strength that had got him through. But still! How could some old man know about all that?

_The same old man who's got you lying, stunned, on the hard ground without him even breaking a sweat._

"… What's your game, old man? Humiliate me?" Naruto posed with a glare. The old man shook his head.

"From what I've heard, you've got that covered, kid. No, I just wanted to see you put your money where your mouth is. I don't presume to be stronger than you, or better." The old man looked up at the star-filled sky in contemplation.

"Thing is though, fighting strength with strength only works if you're stronger than your enemy. If you can control your enemy's strength, use it against him, then it doesn't matter how strong you are." The man smirked. "In fact, the stronger he is, the easier your job is, if you know how to make his strength a weakness." Naruto frowned, taking it in.

"… Who are you, old man?" The aged man turned around, looking a bit contemplative.

"Truth be told kid, I tell you everything about me; I'll have to kill you. Most things I've done have been classified, S-rank secret." He smiled darkly, and stretched out a hand, which Naruto cautiously took as he pulled him up to his feet.

"Andoryuu Tusume. Jounin first class, ANBU squad six. Retired." Naruto gaped.

"Squad Six?" Andoryuu groaned.

"Goddamnit kid, now I _have_ to kill you! Just forget you heard that next-to-last bit." Naruto blinked… Before a smirk came over his face.

"Allright… I'll keep your secret… _If_ you train me." Tusume frowned.

"Kid, I look like a Sannin to you?" Naruto sighed.

"Ero-sennin left me to do some research in this town while he's out book signing. And peeping," Naruto noted in disgust. He looked at the aged man and clasped his hands together pleadingly.

"Please, Andoryuu-sensei? Train me? Ero-sennin just wanted me to sit around and study in some stupid library!"

"He's been around a pretty long time."

"How long have you been around?" Tusume raised an eyebrow. Naruto glared at him.

"I've been around long enough to know that you should listen to your sensei when he tells you to do something." Naruto groaned.

"Oh c'mon! I'm asking you! Train me, please!" Andoryuu sighed and shook his head.

"What makes you think I've got anything better than a legendary Sannin?"

"Look… I've got nothing better to do!" Naruto whined. Tusume laughed.

"Oh yes, I _really_ want to train you now…"

"Just… Just give me a month! One month, I'll do whatever you want!" Tusume sighed, closing his eyes before opening them again and giving Naruto a formidable glare. The boy didn't back down, glaring right back. Tusume kept up his imposing gaze… Before sighing.

"You're either brave or have no idea what you're getting into." Naruto shrugged with a foxy smirk.

"Never stopped me before," the blond confessed gamely. Tusume chuckled a bit at that.

"Well then, kid… Looks like you're coming home with me." He held both hands on his cane and gave the genin his most formidable deathglare, the kind that used to have his subordinates shaking in their boots.

"Here's the deal, kid: You follow my orders, no questions asked. If I tell you to do something, do it immediately. If I tell you to jump, you ask how high. Understood?" Naruto nodded eagerly, grinning cockily. Tusume smirked.

"We'll see how long that lasts, then. C'mon…"

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Tusume, Naruto reflected, had been completely right. He hadn't had any idea of what he was getting into.

"Okay… FIRST, you had me go through this goddamned, constantly randomizing training course blindfolded." Tusume, sitting on a stump in the wooded clearing near his small home in the outskirts of the town nodded.

"It's set to non-lethal mode, and you can't always rely on your eyes." Tusume indicated his left eye, which Naruto had learned (in a rather creepy incident) was glass. "Your enemies are going to use illusions, weapons, and _genjutsu _to distract and hamper your senses."

"Next, you had me go through it all over again, with earmuffs!"

"Improved your balance and situational awareness," Tusume dismissed easily. Naruto ground his teeth audibly.

"NOW YOU WANT ME TO GO THROUGH IT AGAIN WITH BLINDFOLD AND EARMUFFS!" The genin roared. Tusume sighed, before moving his hand in a deceptively subtle motion. Naruto cried out, gritting his teeth at sudden pain in his hand. He looked down and saw that a shuriken was sticking out of the agonized limb. Naruto seethed.

"WHAT WAS THAT FOR!" Tusume sighed, before standing up and walking over away to the far end of the field. Naruto glared.

"HEY! DON'T WALK AWAY WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU!"

"Hit me," Tusume said, calmly but loudly enough for Naruto to hear. Naruto gawked.

"WHAT!"

"Hit me with the shuriken," Tusume spoke again, still not turning. Naruto, more than eager to get some payback, yanked the star out of his hand and threw it as hard as he could.

The shuriken flew out, spinning at full speed, and almost made contact with Andoryuu's head. At the last possible second, the old man reached behind him as though trying to shoo away a fly from the back of his head… And caught the shuriken. Naruto's jaw hit the ground as Tusume calmly walked back to the stump. He tossed the shuriken back to Naruto, before sitting down and fixing Naruto with an even look.

"Kid, I don't do this to torture you. I don't do this to aggravate you. I do this because right now, you can evade six genin. I can teach you to evade six hundred." Tusume leaned on his cane, gazing directly into Naruto's wide blue eyes.

"You know how to overwhelm your enemy with a thousand clones-I can teach you how to overwhelm them with two. You can hide yourself-I can teach you how to become invisible." Naruto gaped. The tone of this old man seemed to indicate something far more serious was being taught to him. The blonde genin had been told that his duty as a shinobi was important and serious, knew it on a basic level, but there was something vitally different about that, and what the old man was letting him glimpse right now.

"You've got determination, kid. You've got courage and heart. The trouble is, you can't beat your head against every problem until it goes away." The retired shinobi tapped on the side of his temple.

"You need this just as much as you need," and here Tusume tapped his chest, "this."

"… Just how can you teach me how to do all that?" Naruto asked quietly, for once. Tusume smiled slightly.

"The first exercise was to expand your awareness through touch, hearing, smell, taste and _chakra._ Second exercise forced you to do the same thing, only along with improving your balance, since you maintain balance with your ears. This exercise forces you to use the lessons you learned from the last two exercises at the same time."

"Er, yeah, I get that, but how does this help me do… All that stuff you said? Evade six hundred guys and all," Naruto asked. Tusume smiled genuinely.

"Finally you ask the right questions. Well, you improve your situational awareness this way, you can't be surprised. You'll be able to know everything about the people moving around near you by how they sound, look, smell, and the chakra they're putting out," Tusume explained. "They can throw smoke bombs, but you'll still be able to hear and _chakra_ sense them. Even if they use _genjutsu_, you can fight through it, because they can't deceive all your senses at once. Touch will let you tell when something is headed your way by changes in air pressure, temperature or other factors, which can also let you determine what kind of attack is coming." Naruto frowned.

"So, the improving your balance thing also lets you evade attacks a whole lot more easily, because you don't lose your orientation as easily?" Tusume nodded.

"Yup; See, the basics of any martial arts fighting style are balance, awareness, and force. You know how to manage those, it makes things a hell of a lot easier. That's what this training is supposed to do for you." Naruto frowned, before standing up and pulling on the blindfold once more. With a smile, he pulled on the earmuffs as well, before heading back to the start of the training course. Tusume turned the course back on with a pulled rope, and sat back with a small smile.

_Guess I'm not too old yet to feel some pride in a student…_

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Naruto had never felt anything like it. He could hear Tusume's heartbeat just by focusing. He could tell where every bird was within fifty feet just by their song alone. Looking over his Rasengan and Kage Bunshin no Jutsu through his much stronger chakra senses let him manipulate and focus them in ways he'd never conceived of before. He now had enough focus to create five Rasengans between ten clones all at the same time.

By the end of the third week of training, Naruto could catch and deflect over a dozen kunai and shuriken thrown at him a second. By the end of the fourth, he could deflect twice that at the same rate.

"Damn but if you haven't passed every expectation I ever had," Tusume told him, after yet another training session left Naruto exhausted but triumphant. The blonde genin grinned before downing a bottle of cool water.

"So, how long did it take you to get this far?" Tusume smirked.

"Hell, I was the one who had to put all this together in the first place. With my father, actually." Naruto frowned.

"Father?" Tusume nodded.

"Well, back in the days of the Second Hokage, my father was an engineer. He'd applied to become a ninja at the academy but, well… He'd been born crippled, had to get around with a cane. Also, he didn't have a bloodline limit. Any kind of bloodline, as a matter of fact, so he studied mathematics and architecture." Naruto frowned.

"Why would that matter?"

"Back then, there were a whole lot more families with bloodline limits than today. The Hokages understandably preferred to recruit from those families, for which they were richly rewarded. Its how the first shinobi aristocracies came to be centuries ago," Naruto grimaced, as Tusume chuckled darkly.

"It was still pretty bad when I got old enough to apply to the Konoha academy. My father, however, knew math and physics. Moreover, he knew how structures, from buildings to people, worked and held together. So, he and I built the training course based on improving that which we already had. Hearing, balance, chakra senses. We developed counters to chakra-based attacks by observing them, and studied how various people fought and moved in relation to how they fought." Naruto frowned.

"Kind of like Lee-He can't use chakra, so he relies on _taijutsu_ advanced as far as possible to make up for it." Tusume nodded with a grin.

"In a manner of speaking. My father practically wrote the book on ANBU intelligence gathering and hand-to-hand fighting. He was made a civilian overseer of the program. However, when villains like Orichamaru and Akatsuki began showing up, they shifted the doctrine over to a less difficult training system to get more troops," Tusume snorted at this. "Considering that every ANBU who was trained in _our_ system has lived long enough to retire, I'd say that their concept that numbers can overcome super-powerful enemies isn't working out too well." Naruto's frown deepened.

"So, how come you guys haven't taken them out?" Tusume laughed bitterly.

"One, we're too old. Two… Nope, that's about all there is to it. Catching kunai is one thing, fighting powerful psychos like that is another," Naruto frowned, but he had to admit the old man had a point. His chakra reserves were certainly nothing to brag about, seen through Naruto's improved senses. Tusume had taught the genin how to tell when someone was hiding their true chakra strength, and unless the old man had left something out…

"I have brains, no doubt. We were all trained to develop those or we would be dead," Tusume went on. "But I just don't have the endurance I once had. You need both strength and intelligence to survive as a shinobi." The blond sighed.

"Why did you retire, Old Man? Why didn't you keep going through the ranks? Take a desk assignment and run stuff like that?" Tusume snorted and sighed, looking over his cane once more.

"The Third… I do not question his courage. I would never do that. But… I questioned his decision to refill the ranks of the ANBU without having the candidates go through the training my father worked so hard to institute. Certain council members felt that my protests were… Overzealous." Naruto blinked.

"How overzealous?" Tusume grinned.

"I painted graffiti on the faces of the Hokages… Among other offenses. They summarily had me retire." Naruto gawked at him, then slowly grinned.

"Hey! I did the same thing too!" Tusume chuckled.

"Not bad, Uzumaki. Not bad at all… Old farts need some shaking up every now and then."

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The fifth week was when they began training in Tusume's personal _taijutsu_ style. It relied heavily on using an enemy's momentum against them, the force of an opponent's blows being redirected to send them crashing to the ground, breaking their limbs, even turning their chakra-based attacks into the vital areas of their bodies. Offensively, it worked on closing within an enemy's defenses, preventing them from using their arms or legs to land effective hits. However, when Naruto tried using what he'd learned against Tusume, he ended up on his back in a move he'd never seen before.

"Kid," Tusume had begun. "Never let yourself be limited to one fighting style. This was one I use against enemies with much greater strength than me. You must fight every enemy differently every time, never allowing them to adapt and find the holes in your defenses. Combining different styles together can also help keep your enemies off guard. Ultimately, you cannot be predictable." Naruto grinned despite his pain.

"Now that, I can do." Tusume nodded, helping the blond up again once more. He reached into a satchel he'd begun to carry around, and drew a strange, black device. The old man held it out to Naruto. The blond took it, puzzled.

"What's this, Old Man?"

"Something my father tinkered with for a while… A successor to shuriken and kunai." Naruto frowned, looking in the hole at one end of the device. Tusume carefully pushed it away from the genin's face.

"First things first-Never hold it up to your face." Naruto shook his head.

"How is this better than a kunai or shuriken? It's not even sharp!" Tusume laughed, taking back the weapon and pointing it at a tree branch. He pulled a trigger on the device, and a loud boom filled the air as the branch literally exploded.

"Woah!" Naruto gasped, uncovering his ears. Tusume grinned.

"This weapon uses small metal projectiles," the old man began, holding out the device and unclipping a component of it, letting a small tray in the handle slide out filled with small shiny tubes. "These projectiles are filled with a careful mix of compounds that, when exposed to a spark generated by the flint and steel in the device, are propelled out and through the tube by the resulting explosion at a very, _very_ high velocity."

"How high?"

"Try about fifteen times faster than the fastest thrown kunai," Tusume stated simply. Naruto whistled. "At that speed, within about five hundred feet nobody can dodge even a single shot. And I mean nobody." Tusume handed the weapon back, allowing Naruto to look it over.

"Uh… Isn't it, you know… Kind of unfair?" Tusume frowned. The blond shrugged.

"I mean… I can't exactly use this in a tournament, or sparring," Naruto expanded. Tusume nodded.

"That's because this isn't a weapon that can be deflected. At least not by anything a person can do. I've found that you can blunt the rounds with armor, or evade them if you're far enough away… But make no mistake; this is a weapon of war. It kills your enemies. In war, there is no such thing as an unfair advantage." Naruto looked down at the weapon, feeling its weight. Naruto was not one for deep thinking often, but even he could appreciate the significance of this weapon.

"This is… This could change wars forever, couldn't it?" Tusume nodded.

"Just one reason I've kept it secret. If Orichiamaru got his hands on this technology, he'd have more than enough of an advantage to wipe out Konoha." Tusume gave Naruto a piercing look.

"You cannot let this technology fall into his hands. Or anyone else's hands." The demon container gaped.

"You… You're… Giving me this?" Tusume nodded.

"Don't make me regret it. Now then, first things first. You hold it here and sight along the top of the weapon…"

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The sixth week was when Tusume finally agreed to teach Naruto a jutsu. The blond whooped loudly, jumping up and down like a little kid, as Tusume rolled his eyes but still managed a smile.

"Allright, new technique! New technique!" Naruto then paused, and blinked.

"Er, Old Man, I thought you didn't _like_ jutsus. OW!" Naruto rubbed his head and glared at Tusume, who had his cane back holding him up like nothing had happened. He smirked.

"Know how I did that?" Naruto frowned. He could _feel_ chakra emanating from Tusume's body, but what it was _doing…_

"Er… Not really," Naruto confessed, shrugging. Tusume shook his head with a sigh.

"C'mon, boy! What was all that sensory enhancement training for, hm? Work it out." Naruto hummed, and looked thoughtful.

"Well… Air pressure is usually the best indicator of an approaching physical attack, so… You're doing something with the air around your body," Naruto surmised, smiling. Tusume nodded, smiling as well.

"Exactly. This jutsu is called _Uchikake no Kaze,_ Robe of Wind. It alters the way air moves around your body, minimizing the disruption your movements cause. You tweak it correctly, and you can even cut the sound you make moving about almost to nothing. The Battle Fan Maidens of Sunagakure pioneered the concept, and I picked it up from one I worked with on a few joint missions." Naruto frowned.

"Battle Fan Maidens…?" Naruto immediately recalled Temari, Gaara's big sister, and nodded. "I've seen one before."

"Not many around these days in the Suna. Used to be a battalion of them at the beck and call of the Kazekage. No one would think that a woman with a small fan was dangerous, so they made excellent bodyguards and escorts. But, times change, and with fewer kunoichi the Wind Daimyo abolished them." Tusume shrugged. "_Uchikake no Kaze_ was just one of several very useful techniques their order created, and I learned as many as I could." Naruto frowned a bit, and Tusume smirked.

"Just because I emphasize brains, body, and stealth doesn't mean I don't use _chakra_. Plenty of stupid people think that jutsus are the end all of being a great shinobi, but it's even more stupid to forsake using jutsus entirely." Naruto nodded.

"So, a balance is needed then?"

"For my line of work, in my role, yes. I needed to be versatile in _taijutsu, ninjutsu_ and _genjutsu_, but by first enhancing my basic abilities, building my foundation strong, I made myself even better in those." Naruto shook his head, rubbing the sides of his temples.

"Guh…" Tusume frowned, concerned.

"Something wrong?" Naruto laughed quietly.

"Well… Guess I'm just looking back… And… How different everything seems. I mean… You flattened me without even trying over a _month_ ago, and now…" Naruto shook his head. Tusume smiled, a hint of pride showing in what was normally a sarcastic expression.

"You learn fast, and you learn best by _doing._ There are others who learn best by reading about something, or being told it, or any number of other ways. The good teacher is the one who figures out how each of their students learn." Tusume then turned stern, and shook his cane.

"So don't be a lazy sensei when you get students of your own, someday!" Naruto saluted with a smirk.

"Got it, Old Man. Now then, about this _Uchikake no Kaze_ thing…?"

"Hm?"

"Don't tell me you're going senile on me already, Old Ma-OW!"

"Senile my wrinkled bottom."

"That I _didn't_ need to hear…"

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The eighth week, Naruto came back after a run through the training course. He did a perfect backflip onto the roof of the house, swinging through a window.

"Old Man! Old man! Hey!" The genin frowned at no response to his shouts. He stretched his senses through the entirety of the whole house… And found nothing.

"OLD MAN! OLD MAN!" Naruto flew through the house, checking every room, but finding nothing. It wasn't until he stopped in the kitchen that he saw a small note on the wooden table. The young man grabbed it and read through, his expression dropping with every line.

_Dear Naruto,_

_If you're reading this, then I'm long gone. Don't bother looking for me. You may be my best student, but I've got several decades more experience than you. This is just something I need to be alone on. I don't want you to think I left because of you. Hell, leaving is the last thing I want to do. But I don't have much choice. Thing is, I'm dying. _

_I've been dying for a long time, as a matter of fact. Nothing contagious, just something that happens when members of my family get old. As a matter of fact, when I met you I was headed back from the doctor's with the grim prognosis. It's something to do with our genes, I'm afraid. We naturally live hard, nothing we can do about it, and as a result we have a lot less time to work with. _

_You didn't do anything to expedite me dying. As a matter of fact, I had a month left at best. And you gave me an extra four weeks. Trust me, at my age and in my condition, feeling useful again can keep you alive a lot longer than medicine or chakra treatments. I've been alone for a long time, Naruto, but I was getting close to becoming that old bitter man I swore I'd never be. You kept me from going that far. So, even if I only lived for another month, it was among the best damn months I ever had._

_Okay, technical stuff: I left you the house and the training course. You can sell it; live in it, whatever you want. Considering your feelings toward Konoha, however, you can just keep it as a vacation spot or training retreat. Again, entirely up to you. There's a workshop for making more of those weapons-My dad wanted to call them "Metal Jutsus", but it seems a bit wordy. I like to call them "Bangs", for the sounds they made, but it's up to you now. You can make as much ammo as you need, use the bigger weapons, make more, but _do not give out the secrets of this technology_. Not for a LONG TIME, if ever._

_As far as money goes, I didn't have much left, but whatever's left is yours. For the rest…_

_Remember your training, always look before you leap, and remember that there is no such thing as an unbeatable situation. There is always a way, you just have to find it._

_Finally, even if you fight the same way as the bad guys, you will never be as bad as they are because you make war on only them, and not the innocent. Fight dirty, fight hard, and look out for those you care about, and you'll be the best damn Hokage in history._

_Sincerely,_

_Jounin First Class Andoryuu Tusume, Section Six, ANBU_

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Jiraiya sighed as he came into sight of the small town. He had never intended to be away this long, but _all those girls…_ The Perverted Sannin couldn't help but drool slightly at the memory, still walking along the road.

"Oi! Ero-Sennin!" Jiraiya instinctively swung his head around to berate his student for his use of the hated nickname…

Before stopping dead on his words. Naruto stood before him, familiar foxy grin on his face. His loud orange jumpsuit had been replaced with black, chunin-style fatigues. His forehead protector remained the same, only much duller in its sheen. He wore a stiff-looking black vest in addition to a black pouch of the same material that probably held his weapons.

"I… I see you've been busy," Jiraiya got out, blinking awkwardly. Naruto's grin became bigger, though the toad summoner could see a new depth and maturity in the young man's eyes.

"Yup…"

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_Okay… First Naruto story was supposed to be sort of humorous. Guess I'll have to write more to make this funny. Please stand by._


	2. Chapter 2

**Weapons of Old and New**

_Or, Not Another Super Naruto Story_

_(Really. It's Not.)_

_By Andrew J. Talon_

_Disclaimer: Oh, yeah. I SO own Naruto. That's why I have to bust my ass working at minimum wage to pay for college. Psh. Sure._

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_Three years, training this boy. Three years! _

Jiraiya tried to wrap his brain around the concept. Naruto Uzamaki, walking calmly aside, matching his pace while looking around with a curiously keen eye. The wide open fields and meadows surrounding them on either side were broken up by groves of trees, which were steadily becoming more numerous as they approached Konoha. Naruto was supposed to be whining about ramen now, asking how far it was to their destination.

The boy was silent. The Sannin's frown grew.

"So, Naruto… You never did tell me where you got those new clothes," Jiraiya began. Simple, open, and liable to make the boy start talking.

"Nope," Naruto replied. Jiraiya waited. The boy's attention had not wavered. The toad sage felt himself becoming frustrated.

"Well, why don't you tell me?" Jiraiya asked again, a bit of _I am your sensei, quit playing games_ tone in the request. Naruto usually would be perturbed by that change of modulation to his voice.

"Don't really feel like it," Naruto replied in a calm tone. Jiraiya felt a vein begin to bulge from the side of his forehead, but when he spoke he kept a calm voice.

"Naruto, I leave you to study in that village for two months. When I come back, I see that you haven't learned _anything_ I wanted you to," Jiraiya stated. Naruto cocked his head slightly, and blinked at his sensei.

"No… I didn't."

"Well then… What did you learn?" Jiraiya asked, letting a bit of his anger seep into his voice. Naruto shrugged.

"This and that," Naruto explained, turning his attention back to the road. Jiraiya stopped, noting that the blond had stopped with him.

"Well then… Why don't you show me what you learned?" Jiraiya asked with an encouraging smile on his face. Naruto turned to face Jiraiya, also wearing a smile. The Toad Sage couldn't help but notice that it wasn't the boy's usual "Devil May Care" grin. No, this smile made Jiraiya think of a cat, which had just been offered a tasty mouse to play with.

"Certainly, Ero-Sennin," Naruto replied cheerfully. The Toad Sage nodded and led the way to a nearby clearing, dropping his pack in the shade of a tree. Naruto did the same, and followed Jiraiya to the center of the meadow, both ankle-deep in long, yellowing grass. Jiraiya smiled unpleasantly at his student, who still had his own eerie expression up and running.

"Let's see what you've accomplished, Naruto," Jiraiya challenged, before leaping forward at incredible speed, his fist moving while his upper body leaned forward to hit Naruto in the stomach with a guarded kick. Jiraiya expected Naruto to fall for the fist feint, as per his usual-

"AUGH!"

The Toad Sage was not quite sure how he'd ended up on his back. Or why the back of his head hurt so badly.

Naruto blocked the sun overhead, a worried yet exhilarated look on his face.

"Ero-sennin? Ero-sennin? You okay?" Jiraiya blinked, and ran the last few seconds back in his head as the pain receded slightly.

_He saw the feint… Grabbed my ankle just as I kicked… _

Jiraiya blinked, still deep in thought as Naruto checked him for injuries.

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Naruto hadn't wanted to show off. Really.

_Okay, maybe a little_ he admitted to himself, breathing a sigh of relief that Jiraiya's ankle was not broken. Tusume had had him repeat such maneuvers over and over again on his clones, until he could throw them onto the ground without breaking any limbs.

"_Won't do to always be shattering your sparring partner's legs, arms or neck,"_ the old man had said with a grim smile. "_Save it for your enemies."_

Even after the weeks put into such training against his clones and Tusume, Naruto was still nervous. As if his control and techniques would vanish once he was back in the so-called real world.

_Heart rate is steady… No creaking, so nothing broken…Chakra is fine._ Naruto breathed a sigh of relief, and grinned. _Heh, wonder if Sakura can do this kind of stuff yet…_

"Ero-sennin? Do you need help getting up?" The Toad Sage shook his shaggy white haired-head, slowly getting up with a thoughtful look on his face. The legendary pervert scrutinized the blond, to which Naruto fidgeted.

_He doesn't _seem_ angry…_

"Naruto… Where did you learn that?" Jiraiya asked, his voice patient. Naruto blinked.

"… Classified," Naruto responded at last, to which Jiraiya face-faulted.

"_Classified? _Who did you learn from, an ANBU member?" Jiraiya demanded. Naruto knew he'd schooled his features into a neutral expression, but he doubled checked anyway.

"Sorry Ero… Sensei," Naruto replied honestly. "If I could tell you, I would… But I can't, so I won't," the blond finished. Jiraiya frowned… Before throwing a punch. Naruto easily deflected the blow, his eyes not even widening.

"Impressive," Jiraiya complimented. He got up, brushed himself off, and looked hard at Naruto.

"Show me your Rasengan." The blond stood up, quickly summoned a shadow clone, and made a spinning, brightly glowing ball of destructive chakra in a few seconds. Jiraiya raised an eyebrow, noting that the Rasengan quietly buzzing away in the original Naruto's hand appeared more concentrated than last time, yet more energetic.

"It's much quieter than before," Jiraiya observed. Indeed, he could almost mistake the buzzing sound for a passing insect. Naruto nodded, dismissing his shadow clone as he brought it up for Jiraiya's further inspection.

"I've found a way to push all the air out of my palm, leaving it a vacuum," the blond explained. "It makes it a lot easier to compress the chakra without the air taking up space." Jiraiya nodded thoughtfully, now seeing the faint traces of blue light drawing a sphere around the Rasengan. _Clever…_

"Allright…" Jiraiya spied another tree nearby. "Hit that tree with it." Naruto nodded, before flashing towards the tree in a blur.

_BOOM!_ Jiraiya held up an arm and gritted his teeth against the sudden blast of wind and debris flying at him. A few seconds later, the wind died down and the Toad Sage was left staring at a small crater, as large across as a good-sized house's foundation.

"Naruto? Naruto!" Jiraiya called out in alarm, leaping and easily covering the distance to the deep hole in the ground. He coughed at the smoke still rising, frantically looking around the clouded crater.

"Naruto!" A cough that was not his own answered him, as a dirty but unharmed Naruto climbed his way out of the crater. The Sannin mentally sighed in relief, before glaring at the blond.

"Naruto! Haven't you used this technique before?" Naruto shrugged and smiled slightly, before coughing through his answer.

"_Hack…_ Uh…. Heh… _Hack hack…_ Yeah… I tripped at the last moment." Jiraiya blinked in disbelief.

"_You tripped?"_ Naruto grimaced. _Damn, damn, damn! Old Man must be laughing at me… How could I miss that root? How?_ He'd intended to direct the force of the blast forward, but he'd focused too much with his chakra senses and not enough with his eyes.

_Live, learn, get back up again. My way of the ninja…_

"Uh… Yeah…" Jiraiya rolled his eyes and pulled Naruto out of the crater. He shook his head with a sigh.

"C'mon… We're only a few hours out from Konoha…" Naruto nodded and smiled.

"I'm fine… Just, uh… Well…"

"Drove it into the ground, huh?" Jiraiya asked flatly. Naruto nodded. The Sannin smirked.

"Think you could try it again? Without tripping this time?" The blond slowly nodded.

"Then do so."

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The second attempt was even more impressive than the first, Jiraiya observed, as Naruto proceeded to completely obliterate another tree in the field. The truly impressive part was that Naruto had focused the Rasengan's power so carefully this time that only the tree had been destroyed. The grass surrounding it had been moved by the burst of air, but remained intact.

_The bubble of chakra maintaining the vacuum… He must have learned how to use it to direct the power of the Rasengan,_ the Toad Sage realized. He'd had Naruto do it again, and again, varying which parts of the target were to be destroyed and which were to be left untouched.

"Ero-Sennin… I'm getting a little tired here," Naruto stated in annoyance, after using his Rasengan to blast a boulder apart but leave the tree it was leaning against intact. Naruto had been forced to extend the bubble of chakra around the boulder as the Rasengan shredded it, concentrating the destructive power of the jutsu considerably but burning a rather significant amount of chakra in doing so. The Rasengan as Naruto had modified it used the violent decompression of the chakra bubble to not only magnify the blast of the move, but direct where the energy went by "popping" a certain side of the sphere.

"Truthfully Naruto, this is probably more ingenious than you using a shadow clone to help mold the chakra," Jiraiya complimented, already thinking of training himself to modify his Rasengan in the same way.

"So, is it an entirely new form of Rasengan?" Naruto asked, before drinking deeply from his canteen. Jiraiya shook his head with a smile.

"No… More like an evolution of the technique. One that I will most certainly start using from now on," the Toad Sage grinned. Naruto paused, and blinked at the Sannin over his canteen.

"Eh? It's that good?" Naruto exclaimed. Jiraiya frowned.

"So modest now, Naruto… Surely you're proud of your accomplishment?" Naruto paused, thinking carefully. In truth, his 'breakthrough' had occurred when Tusume was training Naruto in greater chakra control by trying to vary the brightness of a light bulb in his hand.

_The filament, that thing that lights up, is in a vacuum. No air at all. It lets the light burn a lot more brightly than it could if there was air inside because there's no risk of it cooking the inside through convection…_ The idea of creating a vacuum around the Rasengan had sprung from that conversation. Naruto had discovered the other benefits besides more concentrated power later, and Tusume had praised him for his ingenuity.

_Old Man… _Naruto shrugged and smiled brightly.

"Of course I'm proud! It's brilliant, isn't it?" The blond boasted, though with less vigor than Jiraiya expected. The old Sannin frowned mentally, hoping that the training Naruto had gone through hadn't completely changed him.

Outside…

"It is! But don't let it go to your head!" Jiraiya warned, though the smile on his face lessened the impact. Naruto smiled and nodded back, but he could tell that something was troubling the Toad Sage.

_Well, not like I can just say, "Sensei, your facial expressions and blood pressure don't work together. Mind telling me what's up?"_ _Yes, that would go over well…_

Jiraiya looked up, frowning a bit at the setting sun. _Lost track of time, damnit…_

"We can make it to Konoha in a few hours, but by then it will be dark."

"No problem," Naruto said with a smile, pulling his backpack onto his shoulders. "I can make it if you can, Ero-Sennin." Jiraiya smirked.

"Well, we'll certainly be able to get to the hotsprings more easily," the old pervert said eagerly, before taking off into the night. Naruto rolled his eyes.

"Same old Ero-Sennin…" _Not like he'd change much in two months…_

Completely missing the irony of his thoughts, the blond followed the Sannin through the forest, the faint lights of the Hidden Leaf Village growing brighter with every leap through the darkening foliage.

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_Next time we get into some perverted humor, homecomings, and slapstick. Stick around!_


	3. Chapter 3

**Weapons of Old and New**

_Or, Not Another Super Naruto Story_

_(Really. It's Not.)_

_By Andrew J. Talon_

_Disclaimer: Oh, yeah. I SO own Naruto. That's why I have to bust my ass working at minimum wage to pay for college. Psh. Sure._

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_So. Freaking. Typical…_

Naruto sighed, leaning back against the fence. A fence, predictably enough, bordering a hotsprings. It was the woman's section, and about three women were already in there. From the sounds he heard, the giggles and laughter, they had to be young. If Jiraiya's drooling was any hint, they were also probably good looking and having the kind of fun that appeared in his Icha Icha Paradise books.

Naruto closed his eyes, resisting the urge to sigh. _First ten minute back home, and _this_ is where he decides to stop. Yeah. Thank you, Ero-Sennin. _

"Seriously, you'd think that…" Naruto paused his internal griping, his ears twitching slightly. _Sakura-chan…?_ He leaned backwards a bit more, shifting his head in the direction of the voice.

"… Who does Shizune think she is? Just because _I'm_ now Tsunade-sama's secretary is no reason for her to get so bent out of shape!" Naruto clenched his fist, noting that Sakura's voice (and, presumably, Sakura herself) was approaching the hot spring.

"Well, you _are_ no where near as _experienced_ as she is, Forehead Girl," sniffed Ino's voice, familiar if slightly lower pitched than when he'd last heard it. _So they made up enough for this, hm?_

"Ero-Sennin, I think we should go," he muttered. Jiraiya shook his shaggy head and chuckled.

"No, no… I believe my writer's block is finally coming loose! Yes, let's see…" He leaned closer against the wall, one eye shut tightly, the other wide open, and his mouth in a lecherous grin. Naruto opened his eyes and sent a glare at his mentor.

"We _need to go._"

"What? Just because I can do the job better than _she_ can, doesn't mean she can _insinuate_ I'm some sort of suck up!" Sakura was protesting. Ino scoffed.

"Yes, but it was _really_ low to point out how her most frequent companion was a pig, while strutting about going out with-"

"Hey! That was fair game after what _she_ said!" Sakura snarled back.

"Cat fight, heh heh heh," Jiraiya leered. Naruto swallowed once, hard, closing his eyes again. He took a deep breath, as Jiraiya continued scribbling in his ever-present notebook/sketchpad.

"Now then… C'mon, tug on the hair… You can do it! Escalate, escalate! Naruto, maybe you could-?" Jiraiya had taken his eyes from the action to ask his pupil to help him (the Toad Sage doubted Naruto believed the old "It's for training!" line anymore, but still…), but he was no where in sight. Jiraiya managed to contain his surprise at this.

_Most surprising ninja ever, indeed,_ the old pervert mused with a more sedate, but still proud smile, before returning to his work.

_Woah! Definitely Tsunade's pupil, that Sakura! Look at the size of those…! Mm, mm! And Yamanaka… Oooohhh yes, the flower shop girl is getting a _full_ chapter this issue!_

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_While strutting about going out with… Who?_ Naruto wondered, running across the rooftops of the city silently. He had to stifle a grin. He hadn't even caused a flock of sleeping birds to wake and take flight as he passed. _I'd like to see Kakashi do _that…

Still, he admitted his new advantages weren't too much of a distraction to, well… Sakura. _Who was she going out with?_

_Who cares? _Countered a voice in his head. He stopped short.

_I care! I care about her!_

_Sure, you care about her, but did she ever do anything to deserve that?_ Naruto mentally opened his mouth.

_Aside from looking cute,_ the voice added snidely. Naruto slumped slightly. He shook his head, sighing.

_Well, screw it. She's not the one I wanted to check in with…_

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Tsunade grimaced, pushing back a single blonde hair out of her face as she strolled the hallway. The council member's demands had been growing increasingly… Demanding as of late. She smirked a bit at her lack of invention. _Gods, I must be tired. _

She knew it would probably be wiser to turn in for the night, but the sake was always warm in her office. Tsunade opened the double doors, wandering over to her desk. The heater next to the sake bottle was, mercifully, still working, so she poured herself a bowl and leaned back to take a long draught…

"Haven't changed a bit, huh _obaa-chan?_" With a shriek Tsunade threw the sake cup in the direction of the voice. It spun with her deadly strength behind it, whizzing like a shuriken, before it's buzz ceased. Tsunade blinked, panting in shock as she held a hand over her chest.

"N-Naruto?!" The blonde woman managed to keep from gaping. The dark clothing, the chiseled jaw, the cool, sardonic smirk that fit better on an Uchiha's face than her Naruto…

_My Naruto… Is this him?_

The blond ninja walked towards her, tossing her intact sake cup back to her. Numbly she caught it, as Naruto rubbed his fingers a bit with a wince.

"_Obaa-chan_, I'm not sure if I ever told you this, but you have a heck of a wrist." He looked over his finger, looking almost rug burned, before he reached out and gave Tsunade a hug. Still a bit shocked, Tsunade's emotions rushed onto her soon enough for her to grab Naruto in a bone-crunching hug.

"Gah!" Naruto gasped, his lungs emptied.

"Damnit, three _years_ you little _brat! _Three _years!"_ She hugged him harder, shoving her face into his shoulder. He could smell saline, and felt warm inside that she was getting teary-eyed over him.

"Why the hell didn't you send me any mail?!" Tsunade snarled, gripping his arms hard enough to make his bones creak. She'd pulled her face from his shoulder and her anger-filled face was incredibly frightening. Naruto managed to keep his expression light and cheerful, if a bit nervous.

"Well, um… I did."

"I didn't get any letters! All I got were those godforsaken notes that pervert takes for his books!" Naruto grinned a bit deviously.

"Well, that's probably because Ero-Sennin took care of the mail," Naruto sighed and shook his head. "No wonder his editors are pissed. They've been getting _my_ letters to you."

Tsunade stared at Naruto. Naruto stared back, the corners of his lips twitching, before they both broke down into hysterical laughter, leaning against eachother in their mirth. It just felt so _good_ to hold, and be held again…

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_In truth, I had wanted to take a kind of Bond approach to this-But the "Casino Royale" style of Bond, not the campy movie versions. Aside from the "Casino Royale" movie, that is, heh. So, I guess we'll just have to see where the story leads me-and you. Stay tuned. And feel free to share your views of the story so far via review._


	4. Chapter 4

**Weapons of Old and New**

_Or, Not Another Super Naruto Story_

_(Really. It's Not.)_

_By Andrew J. Talon_

_Disclaimer: Oh, yeah. I SO own Naruto. That's why I have to bust my ass working at minimum wage to pay for college. Psh. Sure._

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"I knew letting that pervert take you on that trip was a bad idea," Tsunade sighed, shaking her head before taking a large gulp from her sake bowl. Across her desk Naruto reclined in a chair, a cup of sake in his own hand as yet untouched. He shrugged with a more subdued version of his trademark foxy grin. Tsunade briefly wondered if she'd ever see the original again.

"Nah. Wasn't all bad. He taught me better chakra control for summonings, helped me work on my muscle tone." The blond smirked. "But I didn't learn how to sneak up on you from him." Tsunade smirked back indulgently.

"Hm? Oh really? And from whom did you learn _that_ from, praytell?" Naruto took a sip of his cooled sake, his eyes looking to the side as though hesitating.

"Someone who referred to this section of ANBU… Section 6, I think." Naruto turned his eyes back to Tsunade, his ears and nose noting a definite increase in the Hokage's heart rate and hormone levels. She remained composed, raising a single elegant eyebrow.

"Who was this someone?" Naruto raised his eyebrows at her suddenly harder tone.

"… Andoryuu Tusume. I met him in the village he lived near, a few months before we came back." The blonde woman knit her fingers together, a definite frown on her face.

"… I see." There was an awkward silence for a few moments. Naruto shrugged.

"He didn't talk about… His section. Much. How it related to the training he gave me…" Tsunade's forehead knit above her nose, and Naruto could immediately sense irritation building inside her. There was also a hint of the scent of… Fear?

"So… He gave you _that_ training, then."

"… What's wrong with that?" Naruto asked, curious and a bit nervous, but managing to keep the latter out of his voice. Tsunade closed her eyes and bowed her head slightly, as though in prayer, and looked back up again. Her usually warm brown eyes turned darker.

"Did Tusume tell you what section six did?" Naruto shrugged.

"I… Guessed what the rest of ANBU does-Tracking missing nin, fighting rival nin, defending the village…" Tsunade nodded.

"Officially Naruto, there are five sections of ANBU. Missing Nin, Torture and Interrogation, Intelligence, Training, and Administration. Officially, Section 6 does not exist." Naruto blinked.

"But it does… Unofficially." Tsunade nodded. Naruto frowned.

"So… What does Section 6 do?" Tsunade leaned back, her imperious gaze pouring into Naruto's eyes and nearly making him shiver.

"What do you think it did?" Tsunade asked quietly. Naruto blinked a few times… He swallowed.

"… Something to do with assassinations," he responded softly. Tsunade nodded.

"Section 6 is-was-our trump card against the most lethal threats. Our best spies who would get the job done where no one else could. Who were sent in to kill missing nin and traitors and always, _always_ come back with their heads." Tsunade shook her head, as a key part of Tsunade's grammar flashed into his mind.

"Wait… What do you mean _was?"_ The blonde woman shrugged.

"I'm sure Tusume told you Section 6 was disbanded?"

"Yeah… I mean, the whole needing more nin faster thing, right?" Tsunade raised her eyebrows.

"That was part of it… The other was that the Third Hokage preferred to take missing nin alive, and gather intelligence by more… Conventional means. He didn't like the idea of shinobi going undercover, oftentimes having to give up their entire identity, lives…" Tsunade shook her head.

"Section 6 recruited loners, orphans, the outcasts of the village, and turned them into the perfect killing machines. Made them into a demented kind of family. The Third felt that the same thing that had happened with ROOT would happen with Section 6, so he had it disbanded, and its members all retired." Naruto frowned thoughtfully.

"Demented, huh?" Tsunade immediately realized her mistake, and opened her mouth to correct it.

"Naruto I didn't mean it like that-!"

"I know, _obaa_-_chan_, I know," Naruto soothed with a raised hand. "I guess… That's why the old man and I connected so well, when he trained me. His dad created the section's training program… But doesn't look like he lived to see Andoryuu enter, you know?" Tsunade nodded slowly. Naruto frowned.

"You know him?" Tsunade smiled sadly.

"He was the one who killed the missing nin who… Killed Dan," she spoke quietly. Naruto grit his teeth behind his lips, but only nodded in response. Tsunade shook her head free of that memory, of the man she loved dying in the rain, his body covered in blood and grime. Her own assistant at one side, anxiously monitoring his vitals, while the Section 6 assassin sat on the other, stoic, keeping his senses on their surroundings while concerned eyes were locked onto Dan's face…

_One shake doesn't do as much as it used to,_ she thought darkly.

"I hope there isn't more to this line of questioning than curiosity," Tsunade stated, warning in her tone. Naruto smiled foxily at her.

"None, _obaa-chan._ I'm just putting the pieces together." He got up, circled the desk, and hugged her once more. A bit surprised, Tsunade's gentle smile returned and she gave him a hug back.

"I'm glad you came back when you did, Naruto… We're going to need all the help we can get," she murmured. Naruto stiffened.

"What's happened?" The blonde woman released her hug, and pulled a file from the stack on her desk. She handed it to him.

"This will get you caught up. I suggest you get some sleep now. If you feel you're up to working again…?" Naruto nodded. Tsunade's sort smile warmed at the restrained eagerness all too clear in the boy's eyes.

"Then I'll see you tomorrow."

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_Next time: Naruto learns of a serious leak somewhere in ANBU. And, with a little advice from his mentor, seeks out an old informant of Section 6. But who is Sakura dating? And what has happened to everyone else in the three years Naruto's been gone? All this and more in the next chapter! R&R!_


	5. Chapter 5

**Weapons of Old and New**

_Or, Not Another Super Naruto Story_

_(Really. It's Not.)_

_By Andrew J. Talon_

_Disclaimer: Oh, yeah. I SO own Naruto. That's why I have to bust my ass working at minimum wage to pay for college. Psh. Sure._

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"_Three ANBU hunting cells after members of Akatsuki have been found dead in their safehouses in the last month. Deaths were consistent with Akatsuki members intelligence indicated were nowhere near the area, nor were they the Akatsuki members the cells were observing or hunting. Once is a fluke. Three times means that someone's talking who shouldn't. Mission objective is to find the leak and silence it," _Naruto read from the file, perched on his bed with his side-table lamp illuminating the papers. He'd started reading it the moment the sun began to come up, having gotten a few hours of sleep as Tsunade had prescribed. His face was set in a frown.

_Okay… Okay, let's think this through. _Naruto got up, the report still in his hands, as he wandered to the kitchen. Opening a cabinet, he grimaced-All the ramen was well past the expiration point, and the milk he'd left in the kitchen smelt like it had come alive, died, and its corpse burst into a stinking mess.

Forgoing breakfast for the moment, he slumped on his couch and re-read the file, thinking hard.

_Who would be in a position to leak the info, and who would have a motive? _The people who passed the orders along were the first obvious suspects, but the report went on to say that none of the secretaries on the first level of dispatching orders were dirty. No ties to Akatskui whatsoever.

As a matter of fact, Akatsuki had little ties _period._ They were almost like a leisure club of powerful, murdering sociopaths, whose information came from either the member's personal backgrounds or the local gossip. They had little interest in racketeering like other criminal organizations. Akatsuki just took what they wanted or needed.

_Not quite a criminal organization then, in the traditional sense right? More like, what did Old Man call them…? Terrorists._ Naruto nodded. That certainly fit with Akatsuki's patterns-They used their power, but more often than not used the fear of that power to get what they wanted. Naruto leaned back, his eyes closed and his face in a frown.

_Doesn't make any sense… Why would Akatsuki bother with an informant anyway? They've got nothing to fear from even upper-level ANBU missing nin hunters. So just what are they after…?_

His stomach growled. Naruto sighed, and put the file down. The clock read seven o'clock in the morning. The meeting Tsunade was going to have concerning this problem would be in three hours. Naruto showered, and just as he got out of the tub the doorbell rang. With a sigh, he pulled a towel around himself and walked to the door. He took a deep whiff with his nose, and stretched out his chakra senses… Before smiling, and opening the door.

"Hinata-chan! It's great to see you!" The pale-eyed girl (_No,_ Naruto thought, looking her up and down for only a moment, _definitely a WOMAN)_ gaped at the blond young man, her face turning bright red. Naruto kept smiling, even though he began to get a little concerned at Hinata's heart rate and blood pressure.

"Hinata-chan? You okay? What's wrong?" Hinata took a deep breath, cleared her throat, and managed to compose herself enough to get out:

"U-Um… H-Hello, N-Naruto-kun… I… I didn't k-know you w-w-were butt-I MEAN BACK!" Hinata cried out, looking mortified. Naruto blinked, and looked down at himself.

"If you're uncomfortable with me, er… Being just in a towel?" He offered, but Hinata rapidly shook her head.

"Nononono! That's not, I mean, y-you're fine! I mean, you're FINE being undressed-I MEAN DRESSED! Really, f-fine b-b-being un-Uh, I mean…!" Naruto grinned. Hinata was always so nervous around him. Frankly he found it adorable. _Same Hinata-chan… Well, not the _same_, but still…_

"Hinata, did you need something?" Naruto asked, taking a hand and gently putting it on her shoulder, hoping to steady her a bit. Hinata's face seemed to blush even more brightly, and she appeared to be having trouble breathing.

"Hinata?! Do you need to go to the hospital?" Naruto inquired, his ears giving him very distressing information about the Hyuuga heiress's heart. Hinata shoved a box she'd been holding into his hands.

"I'msorryIwastoldtopickthisupforyouanddeliveritbyTsunada-samaI'llseeyoulaterbye!" With that, Hinata rushed off, leaving a very confused Naruto standing in his doorway.

"… Oh…Kay…" Naruto shook his head, closing the door and walking to the couch. He set the box down, before giving it a cursory check with his chakra senses. His eyes widened.

_Huh? This is a seal the Old Man taught me how to make and break…_ The appropriate jutsu used to release the seal, Naruto opened the box. On top was a book, bound in an unmarked leather cover, which he opened with a thoughtful frown.

_Section 6-Classified Rank S-11_

_Section Logbook_

_Operative S-08 "Nighthawk"_

A yellow note that looked and smelled newer than the paper in the rest of the book had been stuck in the inside of the cover.

_Informants and operatives still left – Pages 15, 19, 22, 23, 29, 32, 33, 39, 43, 44._

Naruto turned to page 15, and his eyes widened as he read the notes on the first of Tusume's (or "Nighthawk's") informants. _You've got to be kidding me… _

Naruto set that aside for a moment, to look over the rest of the stuff in the box. He was pleased to note that a case containing the parts (and instructions on how to assemble) of a Metal Jutsu, plus the ammunition, was included, alongside a protective vest, more of the black fatigues he'd liked, and a few sets of various civilian clothing, kits, and a few more notebooks. _Journals,_ he realized, skimming a few of them. He also noted the explosive tags placed in the box that would have gone off if Naruto had opened the box without the proper jutsu. He smirked a bit at that, before getting changed. Checking the clock, he still had two hours before the meeting… And he still needed breakfast. He checked page 15 of the first journal again, and smiled. _Two birds with one stone._

After making sure the supplies sent by Tusume's will were secured and hidden, Naruto looked over the Metal Jutsu's components. One in particular stuck out, and a quick reference to the instruction manual said that Tusume's father had made it to minimize the noise made by the weapon's firing. He attacked it to his own Metal Jutsu, before tucking it away in his weapon's pouch.

The young man looked himself over in a mirror. He had forgone the utility vest, instead wearing a longer jacket over a black shirt and his fatigue pants and boots. Tusume's journal said that such an outfit was dark and tough enough for shinobi work, but casual enough that he could blend in with crowds. Not too many people would pay him a second glance, as darker colors tended to attract less attention than bright ones. His forehead protector tucked away safely in his pocket, he headed out the door.

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Teuchi Ichiraku smiled broadly as a familiar blond head parted the curtains of his ramen bar. He didn't look the least bit surprised as his favorite customer stepped in and sat down at the counter.

"Naruto! Finally! I know you said 'three years', but _still!_ I was beginning to wonder if you'd found a new favorite!" Naruto smirked and shook his head, breathing deeply of the fried noodle goodness.

"Mmm… Not a chance in hell, Old Man! Shrimp, beef, chicken, and miso if you please! I'm paying ahead of time, by the way," Naruto went on, passing a lump of cash to the surprised owner. Ichiraku smirked.

"Oh ho! Seems that good for nothing sensei of yours did something right!" The bowls were made and given to Naruto, who hungrily devoured them all as though he'd been on a desert island for years. Sighing happily, he patted his stomach with a grin.

"Damn… Haven't lost your touch in the least, old man!" Naruto looked around. "Where's Ayame?" Ichiraku shrugged with a small smile.

"Off to visit her relatives. I swear, it's the only way to keep the suitors from sweeping her off her feet," he growled. "Buncha empty-headed, rich pretty boys." Ichiraku smiled conspiratorially at Naruto. "Don't suppose you'd be willing to give her a shot?"

Naruto laughed good-naturedly. "I'm not sure I'm her type, Old Man."

"Nonsense! You're a fair sight better than anyone else who shows up here!" Teuchi considered the memory of Kakashi's bare face, and grimaced in grudging respect. "Well, except for one man, but still…" Naruto shrugged, still smiling.

"Well, Old Man, I've got a confession to make."

"I look like a priest, boy?"

"To me? You might as well be, o' blessed maker of Holy Ramen," Naruto joked, to which Ichiraku laughed heartily. "No, what I mean is, well, my motives in coming here include more than breakfast and catching up with old friends." Ichiraku smiled pleasantly, leaning forward.

"Well, by all means my son, speak your sins!" Naruto took a deep breath.

"I learned a lot during my three years… But I learned the most in the last couple of months. From a man named Andoryuu Tusume." _Yep, he knew him,_ Naruto surmised, as the Other Old Man's heartbeat jumped a bit.

The ramen master leaned back, his expression suddenly subdued and serious. A dark light settled behind Ichiraku's eyes.

"… I was sorry to hear about his death," the man sighed. "A good man, friend…" Here Teuchi smiled in fond remembrance. "And an even better customer."

Naruto nodded. Ichiraku raised an eyebrow.

"So… I'm guessing you know… What I did." Naruto nodded again, his expression schooled neutrally.

"Won't make me stop eating your ramen. Or paying for it," Naruto responded quietly. Ichiraku nodded.

"Hm. So… What do you need to know?" Naruto blinked a bit.

"Just like that?" Ichiraku smirked.

"Just like that. You seem surprised?" Naruto shrugged.

"A little…"

"I've been out of… _That_ kind of information exchange for a while, Naruto," Ichiraku said quietly. "My sources are friends… Which makes their protection even more important." Naruto nodded, and leaned forward.

"What can you tell me about the three ANBU cells that were all…?" Naruto left it at that. Ichiraku scribbled something down on a piece of paper, and passed it to Naruto.

"This should tell you how to find out. If you need more, I'll have it by tomorrow," Ichiraku said quietly. Naruto looked it over, nodded, and pocketed the piece of paper.

"I think that's all I'll need… But thank you, Old Man." Naruto left an extra large tip, before he turned and headed out. Ichiraku sighed, looking down at the pots of cooking ramen.

"Nighthawk… You picked a hell of a time to come back, even if only in spirit," he murmured to himself.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_One and a half hours later_

Tanto Iruki sighed heavily, opening the door to his small apartment just as the sun was beginning to warm the air and the village began to wake up. His duty shift at ANBU HQ had been long and difficult, and he was looking forward to some rest. He stumbled for bed, not bothering to change clothes.

"I'm sure Tsunade-sama wouldn't mind you making money on the side, Iruki," said someone quietly behind Iruki, making him freeze. "Just not by selling secrets."

Iruki turned around, his eyes narrowing and his mouth sneering in disgust as he perceived the Demon Fox behind him, sitting in _his_ chair, looking at him in a cool, detached manner.

"What are you doing here, Demon?" The blond outcast's bright blue eyes seemed to pierce his soul, but the chuunin maintained his cool.

"You meet Izumo Kamizuki for ramen once a week. You are old friends from the Academy. He keeps track of all shinobi entering and leaving the village. Including ANBU, even on secret missions, though he does not know what their missions are." Iruki grit his teeth, trying to keep calm. _How could he…? He can't. It's not possible._

"I don't see where you're going with his, you bastard, so get the hell out of my house!" Uzumaki didn't move, still sitting and staring at him, still perfectly composed.

"You are in charge of requisitions, getting passports and fake identifications and documents for ANBU teams. Not to mention real identifications for hunter nins when they renew them. The rank of the license determines how high a criminal a hunter nin can legally claim," Naruto went on. "You personally signed off on the specific disguises and documentation for the ANBU teams killed in this month by Akatsuki." Iruki's sneer grew.

"You trying to scare me, Demon? That's circumstantial at best! If Tsunade-sama was sure I was the leak everyone's been going on about, they'd have sent an ANBU squad, not some piss-ant _genin."_ Naruto raised an eyebrow.

"You're right. Those two things, on their own, wouldn't have pegged you as the leak. Even the extra money you've been depositing lately wouldn't pin the blame on you. Two things, however, do." Iruki walked contemptuously towards the kitchenette of his apartment, grabbing some juice and a spare weapon's pouch from the refrigerator, the latter of which he slipped into his pants covertly. He turned back to Naruto, glaring as he poured himself some juice into a glass.

"Oh? And what might those be?"

"One, you've been meeting with an Akatsuki informant one week before each attack either here or at Ichiraku's. Said informant represents a few towns that have been paying Akatsuki to attack the towns of their rivals, and wouldn't like that to be uncovered. And two… The only people who know that there is a definite leak are the Hokage, Shizune, the head of ANBU, the Rookie Nine and their former senseis… And you." Naruto smiled darkly. "I wonder how you made it into the chain of command."

Iruki smirked. "Shame about that, then. We _barely_ got to know eachother, Demon." He reached into his weapon's pouch to draw a kunai… And found nothing. His eyes widened, as Naruto held out a few weapons that were supposed to be in that pouch.

"I actually thought you'd have kept your weapons under your pillow. Your informant straightened that out before I came here, at least," the blond said smoothly. Iruki gulped.

"… How did he die?"

"Your informant?" Naruto asked. A shrug. "Not well."

"Made you work for it, hm?" Iruki noted in false sympathy. Naruto said nothing. "Poor demon… I thought you'd relish in the kill."

"Contrary to popular belief, no," Naruto returned flatly. Iruki sighed.

"Oh well… They say that the first is also the hardest, yes? The second should be-"A brief, high-pitched burst of air cut Iruki off, and he looked down at his chest. A bloody hole had appeared in the center of his vest. His eyes wide as he felt his heart stop beating, he fell over onto the kitchen floor, his glass shattering and juice spilling everywhere.

"Yes… Considerably," the demon said sadly, before everything went black.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Naruto left the apartment, closing the door behind him… Before he leaned back against that same door, gritting his teeth and shutting his eyes tightly.

_I am a demon… Aren't I?_ The Metal Jutsu in his hand felt incredibly heavy all of a sudden. Old Man Ichiraku had told him where the informant had been staying, but due to his diplomatic status, and that his village was tired directly to Akatsuki and not him, was left alone by ANBU. Naruto had gotten the information out of him with a bit of the demon fox's chakra turning his aura red, but then the informant had attacked… And Naruto had used the Metal Jutsu without thinking.

One shot, one kill. One shot, one kill… There was a difference in killing someone who was attacking him or his loved ones, and someone who was unarmed. Tusume had told him that people didn't need kunai or jutsu to kill, that information was just as lethal a weapon, but even that could not make the pain go away.

He checked his watch. Half an hour left before the meeting. He'd already told ANBU to pick up the bodies, submitting his evidence before he'd actually gone to Iruki's house. Tsunade would receive his report when he showed up. It'd probably make the Hokage cross to know that the mission she'd organized to stop the leak had already been accomplished… But Naruto had wanted to see everyone else so badly.

_Well, you got your wish Naruto,_ his mind said harshly. _You still want to meet them?_

Naruto stood still for a few moments… Before tucking the Metal Jutsu back in his jacket and heading for the Hokage's tower. Far outside of the range of even his great senses, a lone figure with binoculars observed him. He touched his ear.

"Yes sir… Job is done…. I think we may have found a new candidate for recruitment…"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_The scene between Naruto and Iruki shamelessly based upon the opening of the new "Casino Royale". Next chapter: The reunion, and the fallout…_


	6. Chapter 6

**Weapons of Old and New**

_Or, Not Another Super Naruto Story_

_(Really. It's Not.)_

_By Andrew J. Talon_

_Disclaimer: Oh, yeah. I SO own Naruto. That's why I have to bust my ass working at minimum wage to pay for college. Psh. Sure._

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"Sakura-chan! How nice to see you! I'm afraid that I didn't get to stop by and say hello do to my training schedule, as Gai-sensei felt I was lacking YOUTH! Ergo, I am pleased to finally meet you at the meeting for this mission!" Rock Lee gallantly proclaimed, his 'Nice Guy' pose and shining grin at full affect. Sakura nodded numbly with a vacant smile on her face.

"It's not a problem, Lee… Really," Sakura emphasized, as Ino giggled somewhere out of her line of vision. The pink haired girl spared a second to glare at Ino, before turning back and smiling at Lee, who smiled right back.

"So, how have you been, Sakura-chan?" The pink-haired nurse shrugged a bit, her eyes wandering at the rest of the Rookie Nine and Gai's team assembled around the Hokage's office.

_Seven… Rookie Seven,_ she thought for a moment. She banished that thought with such ease now, as she returned her attention to Lee's question.

"Oh, allright I suppose. I mean, there was a peeper at the hot springs last night, but other than that…" Lee nodded in sympathy.

"I too heard of the pervert! I am sorry to hear you suffered such un-youthful and immoral behavior!" Sakura shrugged.

"Actually, I was… Kind of hoping it was Jiraiya." Lee blinked, as Sakura rushed to explain.

"I mean, because that would mean that Naruto was…" She trailed off, offering a sheepish shrug, to which Lee nodded thoughtfully.

"Ah, yes. I too have hoped for the swift return of Naruto! I miss his youthful enthusiasm for life! He was a worthy rival!" Sakura nodded.

"Yeah… Though, no offense Lee, I don't think he saw you quite like that." Sakura grinned. "Though I'm sure he would have taken you up on it if you'd challenged him to, say, a ramen-eating contest."

"YOSH! I wish I _had_ thought of that! Gai-Sensei engages in _many_ such contests with Kakashi-sensei!" Lee went on berating himself for not thinking of that, while Sakura managed to sneak away. She found herself in the midst of Team 8. Shino, Akamaru and Kiba had been clustered, almost protectively, around the Hyuuga heiress since they arrived.

"Hey guys… Hinara? You allright?" Hinata was still blushing strong after – Sakura checked the clock hanging on the wall – two hours! Kiba shrugged with a smirk.

"We haven't been able to get much out of her… But, I think her scent says enough." Sakura frowned. To her knowledge, the only reason Hinata would be like this would be because of…

"NARUTO!" Lee's cry practically shook the roof down as he leapt from the surprised Neji and Tenten and tackled a blond figured dressed in black who had just entered. "YOU RETURN!"

"ACK!"

"N-Naruto-kun!"

"Uzumaki! About time!"

"Tch. Was it too troublesome to write?"

"Don't blame him for that, the Hokage said his letters were mis-mailed!"

"Uzumaki… Welcome home."

The entirety of the group had closed in around Naruto, shouting and laughing and greeting and grunting… As Sakura simply stood still, just staring. Finally the crowd parted, as Naruto, grinning and returning pats on the back and smiles, pushed his way through. Their eyes met, before Sakura took stock of Naruto.

He'd filled out, certainly. No longer a runt, that was for sure, Sakura noted tracing how his black shirt outlined his well-defined but lean chest and torso. His face was longer, but still held that boyish smile that both infuriated and enamored her. As he walked closer, she was startled at the fact that he was a few inches taller than her now, and not because of his tough-looking boots. His smile, bright and flashy for the crowd, softened and warmed a bit for her.

"Sakura-chan."

"Baka!" Sakura shouted, striking at full speed with her fist. Naruto avoided the blow, shock evident on his face.

"Sakura-chan? What the-!"

"How _dare_ you vanish for three years and not write me!" Sakura seethed, lashing out with her improved arsenal of chakra-enhanced kicks, punches, and strikes. "Hold still so I can-!"

But he didn't. Naruto twisted about, nimbly dodging each of her attacks with no visible effort. Cheekily he dodged and got right inside her defenses, his nose almost touching hers. She blushed as he grinned.

"Same old Sakura-chan," he teased, back-hand springing away from her roundhouse kick. Still blushing furiously, a smile now appeared on her face.

"Naruto… Nice to have you back," she said quietly, but sincerely. Naruto gaped a bit in pleasant surprise-Before dodging her punch once again.

"DAMNIT HOLD STILL!"

"It wasn't MY fault, Sakura-chan! Honest! Ero-Sennin mailed all his dirty stories to Tsunade baa-chan and my letters to his editors!" Naruto grimaced, sidestepping her roundhouse punch/knife strike combo. The other Rookies were laughing, even Shino, Neji and Shikamaru wore smirks.

"Enough already!" Shouted Tsunade, coming into her office. Her fiery gaze silenced the Rookies, and froze Sakura and Naruto's "fight". She sighed, rubbing her temples.

"Well, according to ANBU, _someone_ already dealt with the problem this meeting was _supposed_ to address," she growled, shooting a glare at Naruto. The assembled shinobi turned their gaze as one onto Naruto, who shrugged, smiling in a more subdued manner.

"Er… Surprise?"

"… You mean I had to get up at six in the morning for this? Naruto…" Shikamaru grumped. Naruto smirked.

"Hey, get it done early and you've got more time for slacking off," he rationalized. He turned to Tsunade, smirking foxily, though Sakura and Tsunade could both see something dark in his gaze. "So, how much was that job worth, anyway? Er… I want to buy breakfast for all my friends!"

"Is that why you took care of the job, Naruto?" Ino asked, skeptical. "It just… Doesn't seem like you, to plan ahead like that." Naruto raised an eyebrow, his gaze hardening.

"No… I guess it doesn't," Naruto said, quietly but coldly. The room temperature seemed to dip noticeably, and Ino shivered under Naruto's deadly gaze… Before his face brightened.

"So, who wants ramen?"

"Ramen? For breakfast?" Asked Neji, shaking his head.

"I'll throw in orange juice?"

"Add in miso soup, ham and rice and you've got a deal!" Chouji shouted.

"D-D-Does it matter what we eat? Naruto's home, w-we should celebrate that…"

"Heh, I think Hinata would like to have a _private_ celebration with Naruto," teased Kiba, the blush to Hinata's pale face returning full force. Neji rolled his eyes.

"Stop insinuating such slander against my cousin, _Inuzaka, _or you'll receive a Kaiten in return." Kiba gulped as Shino smirked behind his collar.

"So, it's settled?" Tsunade rolled her eyes, and tossed Naruto a bag of money. The blond smiled, saluted in thanks, and led the way out the door, most of the Rookie Nine following. Sakura hung back a bit, before shooting a look at Tsunade.

"He… Handled it? Did you have him do so?"

"No, I didn't," Tsunade sighed. She looked over the reports on both Iruki and the informant… Shaking her head. She looked up and glared at Sakura, who had been peeking.

"Sakura!"

"Sorry sensei!" Sakura returned nervously, before bowing. Tsunade sighed again. She seemed to be doing that a lot lately.

"Don't worry about it right now, Sakura," she said quietly, and gently. "Naruto may look all smiles right now, but…" Sakura nodded. Tsunade mentally smiled. She knew. Good. It would make things easier…

"Tsunade-sama? The ANBU Head is here to see you," Shizune stated. She and Sakura locked glances just long enough for heat to pass between, before Sakura bowed to Tsunade once more and took her leave.

"Send him in," the Hokage ordered, rubbing her forehead as Shizune bowed and left. A moment later, a tall, foreboding man with bandages wrapped around the top of his head and over his right eye entered, an old sword at his waist.

"Danzo-san… What an unpleasant surprise," Tsunade stated in false cheer. The grizzled man smirked back.

"Hokage-sama," he returned. His one visible (and, as Tsunade well knew, remaining) eye scanned over the documents on the Hokage's desk. "I wasn't aware you had a personal interest in a rather… Low-level assignment." Tsunade raised an eyebrow. Of course he knew. But then, he knew she knew, so it didn't really matter.

"I wasn't aware you had an interest in Uzumaki," she stated brightly, venom boiling in the sun. Danzo smirked.

"He accomplished the mission with the same professionalism as a member of Section 6 would have. In truth, I feel this adds more credence to my requests for its reinstatement."

"Turning more young men and women into nameless killing machines?" Tsunade asked with a snarl at the end. Danzo shook his head.

"All of the operatives were volunteers, including-"

"Say his name and I throw you out through the window," Tsunade stated, a volcano boiling beneath a caldera. Danzo wisely withdrew from that line with a nod.

"My apologies. However, given the circumstances developing with Akatsuki and Orochimaru, you must admit that reopening such a training program would have immense benefits." Tsunade sighed, knitting her fingers in a steeple.

"… I will consider it. However, since Naruto now owns the training course, it would only be prudent to consult with him first. And only with myself or someone I trust alongside when you do." Danzo nodded.

"With your permission?" Tsunade nodded, and Danzo left, his hand on his sword. Tsunade sighed, and held her temples. She just knew her headache was going to get worse…

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_Next time: Naruto catches up with the others, while news reaches Akatsuki of the change in it's fortunes…_


	7. Chapter 7

**Weapons of Old and New**

_Or, Not Another Super Naruto Story_

_(Really. It's Not.)_

_By Andrew J. Talon_

_Disclaimer: Oh, yeah. I SO own Naruto. That's why I have to bust my ass working at minimum wage to pay for college. Psh. Sure._

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Naruto had honestly enjoyed his second breakfast with the rest of the Rookies, catching up after three years. Nearly everyone had become a chuunin or jounin already, Neji in particular already joining ANBU and assigned his own squad. The extra face of Tsunade on the Hokage monument had been rather difficult to miss too, but it was nice of Hinata to point it out to him. All in all, it had been fun, but Ichiraku's concerned looks, on top of Sakura's, had been difficult for him to take. So, finally bidding his ado's, he headed back to his apartment.

"Naruto-kun? Have you g-gone shopping for groceries?" Naruto froze, cursing mentally, but still turning back to face Hinata with a smile outside the stand. The blue-haired woman smiled back.

"Er… No, I haven't…"

"T-Then, would y-you like to c-c-come with me? S-Since I need something f-from there anyway…" She was pressing her fingers together shyly, which made his smile more genuine.

"Sure. Where to?"

He did need to restock, after all, and Hinata was less inclined to chatter than, say, Sakura.

"S-So… Where to first?" Hinata asked, as they walked down an alleyway. Naruto puts his hands up against the back of his head, looking thoughtfully up at the sky.

"Not sure… I do like strawberries."

"Fruit?" Hinata asked, a bit surprised. Naruto shrugged with a grin.

"Yeah. I told… Ero-Sennin that I didn't like fruits or vegetables, so he forced me to eat some fresh stuff, and I liked strawberries. And cream, strawberries and cream. Not ramen, but still… Hinata?" Naruto blinked, as Hinata had begun blushing heavily.

"N-N-Nothing, Naruto-kun. Now, you were saying-?" She blinked as Naruto seemed to draw a kunai from nowhere and threw it behind him. Her eyes soon settled on his target, who had caught the kunai and now held it on one finger. In the other hand, he held a familiar orange book.

"Kakashi-sensei," Naruto stated flatly. The Copy-Nin's one visible eye closed in his traditional smile.

"Naruto. I see your skills have improved somewhat." Naruto rolled his eyes. He badly wanted to tell his irritating former sensei that he'd known he was following him since he and Hinata had left Ichiraku's, but decided to keep that fact to himself. Better for Kakashi to think he'd only detected him now, and not acted when he'd heard him pulling a weapon.

"Yeah. You'd think I'd been training for three years or something," Naruto returned dryly, smirking a bit. Kakashi was still smiling, causing Naruto to frown in slight confusion. His old sensei's heartbeat seemed normal…

"That's not all you've been doing, I've heard," Kakashi went on, almost sing-song. Naruto blinked, and raised an eyebrow. He exchanged looks with Hinata, who shrugged.

"Oh, don't play innocent with ME, Uzumaki," Kakashi stated, his voice suddenly hard and flat. His lone eye was now glaring at Naruto. The blond gulped, as Kakashi stalked forward. Naruto unconsciously slipped into a fighting stance, preparing for the worst.

"W-What do you mean?" Naruto asked, nervously. Did Kakashi know about his training with Tusume? Wait, why would Kakashi be upset about that? _Unless he's just messing with me…_

"Oh, I think you know," Kakashi went on, voice cold as an Avalanche Country blizzard. "I think you know _precisely_ what I'm talking about. You didn't think you could hide it forever, did you?" Naruto began to feel panic edging into his chest.

_The Fox? No… Oh God, not Ero-Sennin using my Sexy no Jutsu! I knew it, I KNEW I should have never taught that pervert that jutsu!_

"Kakashi-sensei, it's not that big a deal!" Naruto stated, calmly and with an uncomfortable smile. Hinata just gaped at the entire scene, not sure what to make of it, as Kakashi finally closed to hand-to-hand distance. The Copy-Nin's single visible eye bored straight into Naruto's face. The blond kept his face calm, even as his mind screamed that Kakashi was going to take vengeance for his not teaching him Sexy no Jutsu.

Kakashi moved, not so fast that Naruto couldn't have stopped him, but in such an unfamiliar move that Naruto hadn't responded. He was dumbfounded, completely, as he was _hugged_ by Kakashi. The Copy Nin's lone visible eye was streaming tears.

_What… The… F-?_

"Naruto you _dog!_ I'm so proud and pissed off at you right now! Still! It's good to know that you didn't turn asexual like Sasuke! It's a _miracle,_ I'm telling you! I'll have to thank Jiraiya-sensei for this!" Naruto blinked, standing stock-still, as Kakashi continued to hug and cry. His eyes darted to Hinata, who looked as shocked and confused as he felt.

"Uh… What?"

"Having the _balls_ to do that, and then _right about it!"_ Kakashi squealed, bringing sweatdrops to Naruto and Hinata's head. "You truly are impressive! Banging Tsunami!"

"_WHAT_?!" Naruto practically shrieked. Kakashi let Naruto out of his hug, still beaming, as Naruto quickly moved to catch Hinata, who had fainted. The blond ninja gaped at his former sensei.

"Not just Tsunami either! My God Naruto, you _are_ a man among men!" Kakashi gushed, flipping through his copy of Icha Icha. Naruto read the cover, and felt a sinking sensation in the pit of his stomach.

"_Icha Icha Travels,_ by Naruto Uzumaki. The real life erotic adventures of a single shinobi on the road." Kakashi shook his head, looking at Naruto almost worshipfully. "Whatever Jiraiya taught you, I hope you keep it up! Honestly, all these _women!"_ Naruto face-faulted, suddenly realizing where those letters of his must have gone.

_Oh God, what if Sakura finds out?_ Naruto gulped. Even his new skills might not be enough to save his life from her wrath, learning that his letters (heavily edited versions, probably, but _his_ letters all the same) now made up a new volume of _Icha Icha._

The way that Kakashi was _still_ going on about how proud he was of Naruto and listing off the women he'd apparently _had_ didn't help either.

"Kakashi-sensei, I _really _have to go," Naruto said urgently. "Er, I think Hinata-chan may be, uh… In a coma?" Kakashi shook his head, still smiling.

"Honestly Naruto, no need to pretend with _me._ Off with you! Have fun!" Kakashi winked. Naruto felt like throwing up, but still managed to rush off at full speed, carrying the fainted Hinata in his arms. Kakashi grinned. While he was proud of his student, he was also immensely jealous. He'd written a few passages for Jiraiya-sama for his book, and had always been turned down. Not to mention that _Naruto_, that twit, was getting some and had the _balls_ to write about it! Even Jiraiya-sama hadn't been _that_ depraved.

A small part of Kakashi's mind considered that Naruto may just be making this all up, or that Jiraiya-sama had taken his pupil's name to be a ghostwriter. Neither of those seemed likely. For the first, Naruto _always_ bragged about his accomplishments, so announcing things like this wouldn't be that out of character, especially after years on the road with Jiraiya. For the second, there was no reason for Jiraiya to take up a pen-name when he'd first started writing _Icha Icha_, so why now?

Either Naruto had had these affairs and was writing about it himself, or he'd had the affairs and Jiraiya had written it all out of pride for the boy. Were someone to suggest that Jiraiya had mailed Naruto's innocent letters to his publishers, and they had edited and added onto the letters to turn them dirty, thinking that Jiraiya was sponsoring a new writer, Kakashi would have laughed his ass off. Even _Naruto_ wasn't that (un)lucky.

So, in his spirit of pride and envy, Kakashi decided to spread the good news. Shinobi were nothing if not huge gossips during their off-time…

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Danzo was, by nature, a skeptical man. Trust did not come easily in his line of work, and was even harder to earn. Even his friends, few that there were, were never above suspicion. Still, he had to admit, the evidence on Naruto Uzumaki's skill and qualifications for recruitment was piling up.

Danzo had already re-established Section 6 since attaining his office. The support elements had been put back in place without too much trouble. Training new recruits, however, was difficult. The original requirements for becoming an agent of Six (who were often referred to as "Zeros", owing to the fact that technically they did not exist along with their section) had been exceptional skill in espionage and taijutsu, passing a thorough psychological examination, and two solo kills. Orphans had been preferred as a matter of course, for the simple reason that their duty could not be divided if they had family members taken hostage or in other danger. Gendo Tusume, the first head of Six, had also forbade anyone with physically apparent bloodline limits from becoming Zeros.

The official (and sensible) reason had been that Section 6 operatives were to be as difficult to trace back to Konoha as possible, and it would not do for a Hyuuga or Inuzuka, prominent clans from the Leaf, to be captured or killed in a Six operation. Unofficially, there had always been the fear that those with bloodline limits might make a play for power over Konoha, and regulate those without bloodline limits (the majority) to the status of second-class citizens or worse if they succeeded. Therefore, having a section of "normal" ANBU operatives who could counter any such uprising and keep Konoha in the hands of the rightful civilian government made sense.

This was not to say that the section promoted the destruction of shinobi with bloodline limits (The Uchihas had had several family members as Zeros). Or that the Section was designed to act on the Hokage's every whim. The Section, while technically not existing, was intended to preserve the rights, freedoms, and lives of the law-abiding citizens of Konoha, from enemies both foreign and domestic. If a Hokage decided to declare dictatorship, Section Zero took him or her out just as they would an invader with an army. They were ruled by the law and constitution of Konoha.

Danzo noted ruefully that had it been in place during the Third Hokage's reign, Orochimaru would never have become a major threat, and Itachi Uchiha would have been caught and killed before he even left the Uchiha compound after his rampage.

Danzo further considered this, as he sipped his tea in his sunny office at ANBU HQ and perused the latest observations of Uzumaki. A talented shinobi like Itachi would have been immediately noticed by the Section, and assessed by their psychologists, who would have been the best in Fire country. Another of Tusume's expensive, but vital decisions concerning Six's operations. It had kept shinobi with the strong potential for going psychotic out of the Section, and had kept the Zeros themselves from becoming threats. It had also made ANBU's investigations much easier, as a Section Six psychologist could pick apart a suspect's brain and get the truth out of them without laying a finger on the prisoner. Finally, it would have made Konoha's leaders aware of Orochimaru's megalomaniacal aims early enough that the Section could have killed him before he escaped. Itachi had shown few warning signs before slaughtering his clan, but Danzo was confident that Six would have picked them up in time. They had stopped other shinobi from going on rampages before, most of the time without having to kill the murderous nin.

If the Third Hokage had not been such a weak-stomached fool…

"_Sir_?" Danzo looked up at his intercom, and pressed a button on it.

"Yes?"

"_Sir, we've found new information on Uzumaki. Critical information, we think."_

Danzo nodded. "Send it in."

The messenger came in, carrying a familiar orange book. Danzo scowled.

"_Icha Icha?_ Exactly what relevance does this have to Uzumaki, aside from his sensei of the last three years writing it?" The messenger handed the book over.

"The relevance, sir, is that Uzumaki took up writing the latest batch of stories, all based on true-to-life events. Our informants in Wave, Mist, and Grass all indicate that 90 percent of what was written in these books is authentic." Danzo speed-read through the book, raising an eyebrow at some of the juicier parts.

"Precisely what makes you think that Uzumaki suddenly ditched his chastity and decided to write about it?"

"We're confident that the letters were published without his knowing, and our information indicates that little editing was done to the stories at their receiving point," the messenger went on. "While it may not speak to his skill as a writer, the way he…" Here the messenger lost his composure slightly, trailing off in uncertainty.

"The way he seduced these women indicates…?" Danzo prompted, already knowing the answer, but wanting to teach his messenger a lesson. The young man regained his almost indifferent expression from before.

"Indicates that he has an ease with infiltration and information gathering that would make him an ideal candidate for the program," the young man finished simply. Danzo nodded.

"Sai, I have already made arrangements for Uzumaki to be placed in his old team, under Sharingan no Kakashi. I have also made arrangements for you yourself to be placed with the team. I want you to pass along an offer to Uzumaki, concerning joining the Section. Considering the skills of Haruna as a medic-nin, it would not be too difficult to find a place for her among the support elements. That would be more than enough incentive for Uzumaki, I think." Sai nodded, but something nagged at his usually cool and efficient mind.

"Sir, if I may ask, what of your agreement with the Hokage concerning… Such recruitment?" Danzo smirked.

"As the Hokage is not aware that I have already re-established the Section… There is no need for her to be aware of the fact that Uzumaki has already been recruited as a Zero prior to our meeting about it. It will simply officially confirm what has already been decided."

"Plausible deniability," Sai stated. Danzo nodded, his pleased smirk reflecting his usually hidden but great pride in his student.

"Precisely. The Hokage may rant and rave all she wants, but so long as she is unaware of the Section's activities, she cannot hold any blame for any failures." Danzo regarded Sai with a flat expression. "We must make sure that she never has any reason to change the policy."

In other words, failure was not an option. Sai bowed, and took his leave, as Danzo turned and looked out onto the village of Konoha. His smirk became more of a fond smile.

_Tusume… We're finally back on the right track…_

_- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - _

_Heh, it seems that Kakashi and Jiraiya are always making more trouble for our favorite blond. Next time: Team 7, with it's new member, meet once more, while Naruto's… Prowess attracts a different sort of attention…_


	8. Chapter 8

**Weapons of Old and New**

_Or, Not Another Super Naruto Story_

_(Really. It's Not.)_

_By Andrew J. Talon_

_Disclaimer: Oh, yeah. I SO own Naruto. That's why I have to bust my ass working at minimum wage to pay for college. Psh. Sure._

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Hyuuga Hiashi was not an easily disturbed man. He had seen much in his long career as a shinobi, and even more as the head of his house. The Hyuuga head had in fact been present when the Fourth had sealed the Kyuubi into the body of the Uzumaki child, there to stand with his clan's forces for one last defense against the gigantic demon. As such, he had bore no ill will towards the Kyuubi container. At the same time, being a Hyuuga, he had not really cared one way or the other about the child-So long as the Kyuubi remained sealed, there was no reason to take greater interest.

Naturally, he'd been aware of his eldest daughter's mild obsession with Uzumaki, but it had inspired her to become stronger, and that suited him just fine. Besides, it wasn't like the blond haired troublemaker would actually become _aware_ of his daughter's interest-He was far too dense, and there was little that Hiashi could foresee that would change that.

So, naturally, when Uzumaki landed in the center of the Hyuga compound's courtyard, where Hiashi had been meditating at his preferred shrine, carrying his unconscious elder daughter bridal style, he could be excused for... _Overreacting._

"Uzumaki… What is the meaning of this?" Hiashi asked in a cold and deadly tone, up on his feet and in a fighting stance in less than a quarter of a second. His Byakugan had been activated without him making the appropriate seals, easily indicating to anyone who had even a partial understanding of bloodlines that the Hyuuga head was _very_ emotional at the moment.

Naruto had a feeling that this would not end well, but ploughed ahead anyway. He bowed, making sure his face didn't end up squished in Hinata's bosom. That would _probably_ just make things worse.

"Hiashi-sama, your daughter fainted in an alley on her way to the market. She was taking me grocery shopping, and I thought it rude to refuse her offer of help." Hiashi hadn't tried to kill him yet. So far so good. Of course, he _was_ still holding Hinata in his arms, which would make it hard for Hiashi to land a clean blow without risking injury to his daughter.

Not that Naruto would purposely use Hinata as a human shield. Hell no. He'd just rather not explain his side of things while fighting a running battle with the Hyuuga Lord.

"I decided it was better to bring her home right away than leave her there," he concluded.

"Why did she faint, Uzumaki?" Hiashi stated, with a hint of accusation in his voice. The guards now surrounding them (Hiashi thinks they need better training if it took them _this_ long to respond to something _in the courtyard)_ await his silent command, deadly hands and fingers at the ready.

"My old sensei approached her, speaking about things from his favorite book series," Naruto answered, perfectly honest and just vague enough to not implicate _him._ The fact that Hiashi's inner rage is clearly not directed at himself (Tusume taught him how to tell, it's always the eyes) encourages Naruto further.

"What did he speak of?" Hiashi managed, the rougher tone in his voice even making the stoic Hyuuga guards around them flinch. Naruto manages to keep composed.

"I didn't pay a whole lot of attention after she fainted, but he seemed to imply that she and I were about to reenact a scene from the book," Naruto replied, sort of honestly. Hiashi's deadly gaze remained on him. Naruto kept his eyes locked on the Hyuuga Lord's, blinking only once. Hiashi turned to his subordinates.

"Find Hatake and _inform_ him of my _displeasure_ with this incident," Hiashi stated, his voice _oozing_ doom and destruction for a certain Copy Nin. His guards bowed, and vanished, leaving Hiashi, Naruto, and Hinata (who was _still_ unconscious) alone. Naruto coughed slightly, things suddenly _really_ awkward.

"I will take my daughter now," Hiashi stated, and Naruto was _very_ grateful to the man for recognizing the awkwardness and not letting it stop him. With his natural grace, Naruto handed Hinata over with the same care he would any of his other precious people. Hiashi took Hinata into his arms. He nodded to Uzumaki, before turning and heading into the compound without another word.

_You're welcome,_ Naruto thought dryly, before leaping out of the courtyard and to the rooftops once more.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_Okay, I can't think of anything else to write at the moment. Sorry for the short chapter, but I do promise the moment my writer's block is broken you'll be getting another chapter! Dattebayo!_


	9. Chapter 9

**Weapons of Old and New**

_Or, Not Another Super Naruto Story_

_(Really. It's Not.)_

_By Andrew J. Talon_

_Disclaimer: Oh, yeah. I SO own Naruto. That's why I have to bust my ass working at minimum wage to pay for college. Psh. Sure._

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Sai had been tailing Uzumaki for nearly an hour, and the artist ninja was beginning to get the distinct impression that he was being lead in circles. Twice had the Kyuubi container paused a few milliseconds longer than strictly necessary, landing on a rooftop several dozen meters ahead of Sai. Danzo's agent felt an almost alien amount of respect well up in him. Few _jounin_ could detect his presence at half this range, and clearly Uzumaki was aware he was being followed, even as the sun slipped behind the horizon.

Naruto vaulted over a billboard that was beginning to activate it's lights, and Sai followed scant seconds after-

_WHUMP!_

"Look: I'm really not in the mood to play chicken with yet _another_ asshole with a grudge against me," Uzumaki stated tiredly, as he held Sai on the roof with one kunai at his throat. The artist ninja felt respect grow in his chest at how easily Uzumaki had ambushed him.

"That is not my mission," Sai responded calmly. Uzumaki raised an eyebrow.

"All right then… Why were you following me?"

"Merely to gauge your abilities, before making contact," Sai replied. Uzumaki blinked, confused. Sai went on.

"I was ordered to extend an offer of recruitment for ANBU." Naruto frowned.

"I'm not a jounin yet. Isn't that the bare minimum requirement?"

"Not for Section 6." That got Naruto's attention, but it showed on his face for only an instant before an expression of disbelief replaced it.

"Section 6 was disbanded a long time ago. By the Third Hokage."

"Officially. Unofficially, it has been reinstated." Naruto glared.

"By who?"

"The head of ANBU. And a friend of Tusume Andoryuu." Sai nodded to himself mentally. Danzo, naturally, had been right to mention that, as Naruto's countenance changed instantly. The hint of trust appeared in his eyes.

"So… You want me to, what? Join the Section?"

"Yes." Naruto frowned.

"I'd, er…"

"You would, of course, remain part of a standard team. Team Seven, which I have also been assigned to."

"How would that work though? Wouldn't our missions, like, clash?"

"No. The rest of Team Seven would serve as our cover for our true missions. It was a standard practice in the original Section Six." Naruto frowned.

"You mean, we can't tell them?" Sai shrugged.

"That is the policy. It keeps them from interfering in our missions. Things they do not need to know." Naruto crossed his arms, stepping back and allowing Sai to get back to his feet. The artist ninja did so, smoothly, minding his body language.

"Like what?" Naruto asked, skeptical. Sai allowed a slight smile to come on his face. No emotion was behind it, but then, it wasn't his emotions that needed to be used.

"Like retrieving Uchiha Sasuke," the artist nin said. Naruto's eyes widened, just enough.

_Mission accomplished,_ thought Sai.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Uchiha Itachi strode down the dark cavern tunnel, his high collar robe hiding the majority of his face. Not that he had a great deal to express, but the added intimidation was felt to aid Akatsuki members on their missions.

Itachi, honestly, didn't care. He was intimidating enough the moment someone heard his name. This, of course, was what the Akatsuki leader was probably counting on, in regards to this latest mission.

At length, Itachi reached a single, reinforced door, barred and shut with a variety of locks, mechanisms, and seals, he merely activated his Sharingan, and it opened. He stepped through into a small, crudely carved out cell. The sole occupant was leaning against the rock wall. He was covered in bruises, burns, slashes. His clothes were dirty and in tatters. Itachi knew well that this same prisoner had been deprived of food and water for days on end, during his month-long captivity.

So, it was slightly disconcerting to the elder Uchiha that the prisoner looked up at him, snorted, and smirked.

"Sent in the pretty boy, hm? Sorry kid, I don't swing that way." Itachi resisted the urge to roll his eyes, merely staring impassively at the man.

"Your resistance ends here. As will your life," Itachi stated. The old man shrugged.

"Yes, yes, that's what the rest of you walking curtains have said." Itachi said nothing. The man looked at his features more closely, and recognition flashed in his eyes. Itachi expected fear, shock, horror, maybe even anger-He could have possibly murdered some of this old man's family, after all.

"Heh… Ha ha… Hoo hahahahaha…" The prisoner laughed. Itachi actually blinked.

"I rated the rogue Uchiha… Well, the first rogue Uchiha, anyway." His smirk grew.

"By all means, go for it, kid." Itachi activated his full Mangekyo Sharingan.

"_Tsukuyomi,_" Itachi spoke, and the cavern was replaced by a monochrome world, with a red sky and full moon above. The prisoner did not seem perturbed.

"You will be stabbed by my katana for 72 hours," Itachi stated, moving forward with the sword in hand. The prisoner nodded.

"I see. You know, I've seen this befo-AUGH!"

Itachi waited, and the old man was back again, whole. He was breathing heavily, but still smiling.

"Yeah, I think that I've seen this befo-AUGH!"

The old man was made whole again. He was breathing even more heavily, and still smiling. Itachi frowned behind his hood, but kept at it.

"The one thing, however, that makes this diff-OH GOD!"

And once more, Itachi waited.

"-rent, guh, from that experience, is-GAH! AUGH!"

Itachi waited again.

"That, ha, that genjutsu by the Sharinga-MOTHER FUCK!"

Itachi chose to cut the prisoner in half this time, and was rewarded with the old man already gasping for breath. _Soon…_

"Sharingan… Ha… Puts you… Into it… Too…"

A sharp, burning pain exploded in Itachi's stomach, as the world of Tsukuyomi vanished. The prisoner, breathing heavily but still smiling, had shoved a sharp rock into his belly.

"Damn. Missed," the old man sighed, just before Itachi threw him against the wall of the cell with a single blow. The Uchiha turned and left, closing the door behind him, before allowing himself, for the first time in years, to _shudder._

The pain was nothing Itachi couldn't take, but he had _not once_ suffered injury since he unlocked the Mangekyo Sharingan. Added to this, the old man had somehow managed to _strike him while in his genjutsu! _Supposedly an impossible feat according to the Uchiha records he had read.

For the first time in his life, Uchiha Itachi, the slayer of the entire Uchiha Clan, the most powerful ninja on the continent… Was _unsure_ of himself.

- - - - - - - - - - -

_Just one more piece of the puzzle. Heh. _

_I am considering doing a "Casino Royle" style semi-song-fic opening for the next chapter, to Chris Cornell's "You Know My Name." Tell me if you'd like to see it or not in your reviews! Until next time!_


	10. Chapter 10

**Weapons of Old and New**

_Or, Not Another Super Naruto Story_

_(Really. It's Not.)_

_By Andrew J. Talon_

_Disclaimer: Oh, yeah. I SO own Naruto. That's why I have to bust my ass working at minimum wage to pay for college. Psh. Sure._

_Author's Note:_ _I decided to not go with the songfic, as I really couldn't think up any imagery for a story that is still revealing itself to me. So, I think I'll do it at the end. Oh, and this isn't going to be a Naruto version of "Casino Royale", but merely have many of the same elements as that story and movie._

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The cavern seemed darker than Naruto last recalled. The torches that burned on the walls of this space, this prison, were muted and barely crackling. The shadows were longer, and the black void beyond the bars before him seemed almost solid… Until familiar red eyes and a hideous set of gleaming teeth appeared over him. The vaguely defined face leered from behind the barrier.

"**BRAT."**

The blond ninja smirked, ever so slightly. The piece of paper that represented the seal, holding the bars of the Kyuubi no Kitsune's prison together, fluttered at the Kyuubi's 'greeting'.

"Kyuubi-chan," Naruto returned in a sweet voice. The fox demon growled.

"**IT HAS BEEN SOME TIME SINCE YOU HAVE ASKED FOR 'RENT', BRAT."**

"Yeah, it has."

"**SO THEN YOU WISH FOR MORE OF MY POWER NOW?"** The Kyuubi sneered. Naruto shook his head.

"Nah. You know I'm sleeping right now. Actually, that's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about." The Kyuubi snarled.

"**THIS IS A WASTE OF MY TIME."**

"No, it's my time. My time that you're wasting," Naruto retorted. The Kyuubi actually blinked… Then roared.

"**IMPUDENT WHELP! HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN HOW IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN MY POWER THAT SAVED US!"** Naruto smirked.

"Yeah, and that's kind of what's been bugging me. See, every time I drew on your power, I got a little more." The fox stared in something akin to disbelief.

"**OF COURSE YOU DID YOU MORON! YOU NEEDED MORE!"**

"No, no, that's not the whole story. Ya see, all of Old Man's lessons in chakra control and sensing really paid off. Especially when it comes to feeling my own chakra coils… And telling them apart from ones you put in place." The Kyuubi roared again.

"**CEASE THIS ANNOYING PRATTLE, INSECT!"**

"Oh what, you're angry now that I figured it out, stupid fox?" Naruto laughed mirthlessly. He pointed at the side of his head. "You've been putting in more and more chakra paths into my brain. Every time I've called on your power. And the amount that stays floating around in my system afterwards has been increasing as well." Naruto glared at the Kyuubi.

"I'm here to tell you that your plan is now kaput. I'm cutting you completely off from the outside world."

The Kyuubi laughed.

"**FOOL. IF YOU DO THAT, THEN YOU WILL NO LONGER HAVE ACCESS TO THE GIFTS MY PRESENCE BRINGS. YOU NEED ME, BRAT."**

"No. I'm just going to cut the chakra paths from you to my brain."

"**THEN HOW WILL YOU WIELD MY POWER, BRAT?"**

"Like any other chakra, stupid fox!" Naruto shouted. "And I'm not even going to _use_ it much anymore, because I am _not_ about to let you get into my head and take me over for whatever the hell you had planned! You're my prisoner, I'm the jailor! Time for some solitary confinement!" The Kyuubi, instead of roaring in rage as Naruto had expected, instead chuckled.

"**FOOL. WITH MY POWER, AND MY KNOWLEDGE, I COULD HAVE MADE YOU THE MOST POWERFUL SHINOBI IN EXISTENCE. I STILL MIGHT."** Naruto blinked, and crossed his arms skeptically.

"What would I want to learn from you, bastard?"

"**HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO KNOW HOW TO CREATE PORTALS AND TRAVEL INSTANTLY FROM PLACE TO PLACE? OR CREATE FLAMES HOTTER THAN EVEN THE UCHIHA'S AMATERASU? AND MORE. MUCH MORE. I HAVE BEEN AROUND FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS, BRAT. MY SENSES AND MIND EXTEND FAR BEYOND YOUR FEEBLE COM-"**

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm the Lord Youkai, the Nine-Tailed Fox, men weep and women scream at your name, blah, blah, blah," Naruto whined. "And gee, let me guess what the price would be… My soul, your freedom?" The Kyuubi smirked.

"**I AM YOUR TENANT. I BELIEVE THAT MY 'RENT' BRINGS WITH IT SOME BENEFITS."**

"Fuck you," Naruto snorted.

"**YOU'RE NOT MY TYPE,"** the Kyuubi boomed. Naruto smirked.

"Aw, is the lowly whelp rubbing off on the mighty Kyuubi? Developing an affinity for me, foxy-chan?" The Kyuubi growled.

"You know what… I've got a better offer."

"**WHAT, WHELP? WHAT COULD AN INSIGNIFICANT FOOL LIKE YOU OFFER ME, THE NINETAILS? STRONGEST OF THE YOUKAI, MIGHTIEST-"**

"If you don't stop wasting your breath, you're not going to hear it now are you?" Naruto asked mockingly. The Kyuubi snarled, but otherwise stayed silent.

"Okay… If, and I do stress the _if,_ you give me your chakra, and some – emphasis on _some – _of your knowledge when I want, then I promise to one day break the seal, and let you out. On _that_ day, we will fight. If you win, well, you get to go back to terrorizing humanity and eating chickens and whatever else your little demonic heart could want."

The Kyuubi snarled.

"**AND IF, BY SOME IMPOSSIBLE CHANCE YOU WIN?"** Naruto smirked.

"Then you must become servant, summon, and otherwise bitch for me, my descendents, and the people of Konoha. In other words, you'll be protecting the very thing you tried to wipe out for the rest of eternity." The Kyuubi laughed uproariously.

"**YOU ARE BRAVE, WHELP, I'LL GIVE YOU THAT."**

"That's not an answer."

"**I WILL THINK ON YOUR OFFER, BRAT. YOU WILL HAVE MY ANSWER WITHIN A DAY." **Naruto frowned, closing his eyes in a very vulpine way.

"How do I know you won't just stall for the rest of eternity?" The Kyuubi snarled, it's claws lashing out through the bars, but Naruto easily dodged.

"**IF THERE IS ONE THING YOU SHOULD NEVER QUESTION ABOUT A YOUKAI, WHELP, IT IS THEIR WORD," **the fox demon boomed. Naruto nodded, and turned… But not before shooting the Kyuubi a cheeky smile and wink. The Kyuubi growled, until it was sure Naruto was gone from the mindscape of the seal… Before roaring as loudly as it could, its prison shaking in its rage.

'**BASTARD! INSECT! SCUM! WHELP! SON OF A DOG! AARRRRRGGGGH!!!'**

So close… _So close!_ One more call of it's power and the Kyuubi would have _finally_ been able to directly influence it's jailor! Instead, it had been outwitted by a _human_ thousands of years it's _junior!_

The Kyuubi did not know whether to laugh, continue to roar, or sob in despair.

'**DAMN YOU YONDAIME! DAMN YOU TO THE DARKEST HOTTEST PITS OF HELLFIRE!'** The Fourth Hokage had designed the seal _well._ How well was not apparent even to the Kyuubi until a few years ago. It had bound the Kyuubi to the whelp's soul, but not let it influence it. Instead, the soul of the whelp had begun to seep into it's own! The Ninetailed Fox had begun feeling _loneliness, love, fear, joy, sorrow, mercy-_ Its mind forever corrupted by human weaknesses!Not only that, but the fox was aware of the steadily changing nature of its chakra.

It had begun to resemble _mortal_ chakra, instead of _pure_ demonic chakra. In a few decades, maybe even sooner than that, if he went along with the whelp's bargain it was uncomfortably likely that the Kyuubi would be vulnerable to the one thing that had previously prevented it's destruction at the hands of the Fourth Hokage.

Death. The Kyuubi was not _designed_ to die, or in all honesty fatigue or deteriorate; therefore the Fourth had had to seal it away. But with the human _corruption_ even now binding the demon to its container, the fox knew that it would be vulnerable should it ever be released.

Not unless it was given sufficient time, _centuries_ possibly, to correct the damage. And the whelp would not allow the fox that time. Behind the Kyuubi's terrifying and intimidating visage, a desperate mind worked, attempting to find a path out of it's current conundrum.

It could refuse the whelp's deal… And die anyway when the brat expired as humans are wont to do. The Kyuubi felt that it might be able to extend it's container's lifespan by a significant amount (given that the Fox was able to enhance his body in many ways), but as the fox's chakra was corrupted into mortality that would never serve as a permanent solution. So long as the Kyuubi was bound to the whelp it was vulnerable to Shinigami's grim scythe.

It could accept the whelp's deal, and still possibly best him in the future. However, at the rate of growth the brat was experiencing currently it became less and less likely that the Kyuubi could successfully defeat him. In a few decades the brat would be far more powerful than the Fourth Hokage, who had sealed the fox in the first place, while the Kyuubi would continue to (from it's perspective) weaken.

Disrupting the brat's growth or hindering it in any way would not help either: He _had_ to follow in his damnable parent's footsteps, he _had_ to become a ninja and be exposed to danger that threatened the Kyuubi as well.

Trying to corrupt his container into obeying him had been the Kyuubi's best hope, and that had failed miserably. The brat may have been loud, may have been idiotic in many ways, but possessed a cunning much like his father's. The training he had received from the frog hermit and the retired assassin combined had improved him mentally as well as physically.

'**NO! I AM THE KYUUBI NO KITSUNE! I HAVE NOT BEEN FOILED BY A MERE APE! I WILL FIND A WAY!'** The demon vowed, ignoring the fact that this determination was very similar to that of it's container. The Kyuubi rethought it's options, all it's influence…

The fox demon cursed the influence of it's host. How could it have _missed_ it? With a sadistic smirk the fox worked out it's plan… As it's host's perverted sensei might say, the cards were in the Kyuubi's favor now…

In the real world, lying in his bed, Naruto Uzumaki didn't suspect a thing, his thoughts before drifting off to sleep again on his new mission and the team meeting tomorrow…

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Hinata awoke, blinking tiredly. She took stock of her surroundings.

Her room in the Hyuuga mansion was relatively Spartan and modest, but clean and comfortable. It was her own quiet, private place. A refuge from the pressures of her father and the clan in general. At times resentment bubbled up in her heart over the continuing power games and struggles going on around her. She knew how politics worked, knew that her father had concern for her wellbeing behind the stern expression and constant pressure… But that didn't stop her from wishing the Hyuugas were no different from any other family in Konoha.

She rose from her bed, brushing off imaginary lint and dust, and exited. Curiously she looked about, before activating her Byakugan.

_What happened? I remember Naruto-kun…_ She blushed heavily at the thought … _Kakashi-sensei… Oh please, please don't let it be true! Please don't let Naruto-kun have…!_

She saw various guards and servants everywhere, but the thought of asking any of them about what happened was embarrassing. Asking her father was simply out of the question. Fortunately, she picked up the familiar chakra signature of Neji, and after deactivating her bloodline set out to find him.

He was sitting in the garden by himself. Hinata checked her watch and found that it was nearly dinner time. She frowned as she looked her cousin over. _Strange… Shouldn't he be training at this hour?_

Hinata stealthily approached him, frowning even more as with every step the expected greeting failed to materialize. Concern arose in her as she closed on her cousin, sitting on a stone bench, his head bent down and shoulders hunched.

_Is he allright? Is he in turmoil over something? What happened?_

"N-Neji-nii-san?" Hinata risked. Neji stiffened, and turned his head. Hinata blinked. _Was he… Blushing?_

"H-Hinata-sama," he returned, coughing slightly. Hinata grew even _more_ concerned, and finally stepped in front of her cousin.

"Neji-nii-san, w-what-?" Hinata froze. Neji blinked, then quickly shoved a suspicious-looking orange covered book into his robes.

"W-What was that," Hinata asked. Neji shook his head rapidly.

"Hinata-sama, it is none of your concern and-WAIT!" Neji shouted as Hinata activated her Byakugan. The bright red tone her entire face took led Neji to sit back down in defeat.

"N-N-N-Neji-nii-san?!" Hinata stuttered. Badly. Neji sighed, and closed his eyes. He then opened them, and casually withdrew the copy of Icha Icha Paradise.

"I'm sorry, Hinata-sama… But I was… Doing research on… Naruto." Hinata blinked, then examined the cover of the book more closely. She gasped, and had it in her hands before Neji knew she had moved.

"_I-I-Icha I-I-I-cha Tr-Travels, b-by Uzuma-maki N-N-Naruto?!"_ She fairly shrieked. Neji groaned, as his own activated Byakugan revealed numerous guards in the area turning towards the source of the outburst. He flared his chakra in a standard signal that made them turn back to their posts… But Neji could see a few of them snickering. He narrowed his eyes, before returning his gaze to a hyperventilating Hinata.

"Hinata-sama… It appears Naruto has been…" He raised an eyebrow. "… Busy."

"… I-I see…" Hinata whispered, examining the book before her. Neji coughed.

"It… Is apparently based on-"

"I see," Hinata responded quietly, almost coldly. Neji blinked in disbelief. She'd _almost_ sounded like Hiashi-sama…

"However… It appears that he has not been wed to anyone. Nor is he… Attached. In fact, the encounters seem…" _Comically implausible,_ he thought. "Accidental." Neji shrugged, a small bit of resentment and envy sprouting in his chest that for once had nothing to do with Naruto's abilities as a ninja.

_As implausible as they seem, they are also _exactly_ like how such encounters would occur with Naruto involved,_ Neji mused. _So it's probable… Damnit. How is Hinata-sama going to take this?_

"N-Neji-nii-san," Hinata said quietly, breaking into her cousin's brooding. "M-May I b-b-borrow this?" Neji blinked. Hinata was blushing almost as hard as she had a few moments ago.

"…"

"Y-You see, um, I w-would like to, uh, ah… Um…" Hinata stopped, blinking awkwardly. Neji blinked awkwardly as well, before getting up, adjusting his robes, and turning away.

"Certainly, Hinata-sama," he replied, coughing. He then headed away, _really_ wishing that the mental images that came to mind from the book and Hinata-sama's request would just _go away…_

Hinata opened the first page, glanced over it… And sat down, hard, on the bench.

"_The lonely traveling ninja, Uzumaki Naruto, is like the Adonis-Handsome, strong, and sculpted. But also, his heart is so large it cannot contain just one woman. So he continues, seeking the one woman whose heart is large enough to fill his own… And who isn't so large as to not be able to accommodate his-"_ Hinata stopped reading at that point, blushing so hard she was surprised her skin hadn't become darker by now.

"I-If… If th-this is true, then…" Hinata firmed her resolve, clenching a fist and holding it up. "Th-then I won't give up!" Taking a deep breath, she began to read again.

Thirty minutes later, Neji returned to the garden, to find Hinata so she could get some dinner. He facefaulted at the fact that she was completely engrossed in the smutty book, bright red but her gaze still sweeping the pages.

_Dear Kami, I am going to kill that bastard for even _writing_ that stupid thing…_ It was bad enough when he'd caught _Tenten_ reading it, and then cheerfully noting she was looking forward to seeing Naruto again. She then gave it to him after one of the most difficult training sessions he'd ever experienced (Tenten sighing and fluttering her eyes at _Naruto_ of all people making it hard for him to focus, his brain hurting so badly), and said it could _teach_ him a thing or two!

He'd shoved the book back in her hands and stalked off, ignoring her giggling… Before he henged himself and bought a copy of the book. Just so he could know what Tenten was talking about, he told himself. Just so he could know what trouble Naruto was getting into now…

_And now I'm completely traumatized. Oh yeah, Uzumaki's getting 128 palms for _this…

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_To my loyal reviewers: Thank you for continuing to read and comment on the story! Sorry it took so long to get this chapter out, but the New Year brings with it new challenges and so forth. _

_  
Now, before anyone asks: I'm not going to make Sakura or Hinata or any of the female characters for that matter villainesses unless they already are. Like I said, this is not Naruto's version of "Casino Royale", it just takes some story elements from it. As for who I'm pairing Naruto with, or anyone else for that matter, that is up in the air and is not going to be too relevant to the story as far as I know. That might change, as this story is coming to me at a rather irregular rate. I'm partial to Naruharems, so that is a better possibility than others, but as I said it's not set in stone just yet. So, keep reading and reviewing, and feel free to offer suggestions if you wish. _

_Next Time: Team Seven reunites, as Naruto's "prowess" spreads across the village. Danzo makes his move, Sasuke is more than mentioned, and Akatsuki's woes increase…_


	11. Chapter 11

**Weapons of Old and New**

_Or, Not Another Super Naruto Story_

_(Really. It's Not.)_

_By Andrew J. Talon_

_Disclaimer: Oh, yeah. I SO own Naruto. That's why I have to bust my ass working at minimum wage to pay for college. Psh. Sure._

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Kakashi continued to stare at the back of Naruto's head as the newly reformed Team Seven leap through the trees at high speed. Sai, the ANBU assignee, was moving with his usual grace and blank expression. Sakura was watching Naruto with the same expression of worry and concern as she'd had for the last hour.

As for Naruto himself, he was still smiling, humming a soft tune under his breath as he moved, silently, a bit ahead of the group as they made their way through the foliage to their destination.

Kakashi shook his head, the only expression he'd allow himself outside his mask.

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"_Okay everyone. Sakura and Naruto have gone through this before, but Sai hasn't, so you'll have to bear with me." The old training field still had those three posts in the middle of a grassy clearing, the same field he'd had to go through this test years ago. The same Team Seven had had to go through before. _

_Sai stood at attention, clearly reflecting his ANBU training, in front of Kakashi. His blank eyes were on Kakashi's hand as he withdrew two bells. Sakura, dressed in her now usual white skirt, red top, and gloves, groaned. _

"_Aw, Kakashi-sensei, do we really have to-?"_

"_Yes," Kakashi said flatly. "Same rules as before-Grab a bell from me before noon, or you can spend the rest of the day without food. While we head for our first mission, which I might add is quite some distance away." Kakashi's gaze shifted to the last member of the reformed Team Seven, a frown under his mask developing._

_Naruto didn't wear a scrap of orange, aside from the shirt under his black jacket. Over that was that unusual vest Jiraiya had told him about, composed of some unusual material the blond had gotten from _somewhere._ Black pants, boots with steel-plated toes and heels, and naturally his forehead protector, apparently burnished to not appear shiny._

_The most telling difference about Naruto from the last time Kakashi had seen him, was his body language. The old Naruto was an open book, his fidgets and shifts in weight revealing nearly everything he was feeling. His face would always show what was on his mind-Impatience regarding his lecture, frustration, maybe even resentment for having to go through this again. _

_No, on Naruto's face was a calm smile, subdued yet with a hint of primal menace. His eyes never wavered, taking in the bell and Kakashi's every word. Those clear blue eyes seemed to be penetrating Kakashi's defenses with ease. That smile of his was almost laughing, 'am I supposed to be intimidated by _this? _By _you?'

_The idea that Naruto could be unsettling to Kakashi, of all people, was rather frightening to the Copy Nin. Not that he'd ever admit it._

"_Now then, when the timer starts," Kakashi finished, his lone eye focused on Naruto, who continued to smile. "Begin!"_

_Sai and Sakura immediately leapt away, seeking cover. Naruto didn't move, still smiling. Kakashi blinked._

"_Naruto, I said 'begin'." Naruto nodded._

"_Yep."_

"… _So… Shouldn't you be doing something about now?" Naruto stretched, yawned, and merely walked over to the central post with the timer sitting atop it. He switched it off, and turned around. Kakashi's lone eye blinked… Then widened as Naruto reached into his vest and pulled out two bells._

"… _How…?" Kakashi looked down at his belt, the two bells he had tied securely on._

"_Simple. I got up really early, staked out your house, and when you weren't looking replaced your usual bells with another set. These are _your_ bells, while those are _my bells."_ Naruto grinned, crossing his arms across his chest. Kakashi shook his head, sighing._

"_That shouldn't count."_

"_But it should. I anticipated what you were going to do when we got here in the morning. I replaced your bells with my own, but I did indeed get yours. In other words, sensei, I looked under the underneath. Why bother fighting you to get the bells when I can just grab them before the test even begins?" Naruto's smile was positively vulpine by this time. Kakashi sighed heavily, noting that Sai and Sakura had already returned to the clearing._

"_Naruto?! What the hell?" Sakura demanded. Naruto shrugged._

"_What? The sooner we got this done, the sooner we can leave on our mission. Makes sense to me," Naruto explained. Sakura sighed, rubbing her forehead. Sai nodded to Naruto, and turned back to Kakashi._

"_Shall we be off then, sensei?" _

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Kakashi sighed. He shouldn't be complaining, really. Naruto's solution had been simple but brilliant. Apparently, the blond was far more perceptive than he'd given him credit for, if he'd anticipated that Team Seven would be facing the bell test once more. The old Naruto would have never conceived of such a tactic.

_What the hell happened to you, Naruto?_ Kakashi mused, the enigma surrounding his most surprising student growing ever deeper and complex.

Following the same route, Sakura could not help but keep looking at the blond shinobi as well, biting her lower lip. Her thoughts, too, were on her changed blond teammate.

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"_This mission is B-Rank at most," Tsunade had briefed them. The Hokage had been extremely surprised when Team Seven arrived _much_ earlier than estimated, Kakashi and Sakura gawking at Naruto as he strolled in, foxy smile in place. Sai, the third addition, followed dutifully, standing at attention before the Hokage's desk._

"_Ahem?" Sakura jerked her head to pay attention to her sensei, blushing sheepishly. _

"_S-Sorry, Tsunade-sama," she replied, bowing in appeasement. Tsunade sighed and nodded._

"_Right. As I said, this is an A-Rank mission. You are to proceed to the Land of Winds, to a small town on our border. Three missing nin have been sighted in the area, all wearing the symbol of Sound." Tsunade pushed the files forward, and Kakashi took them, perusing through the data sheets lazily._

"_Misa Hayami, Yun Orokite, and Rei Enkidu. Our information on them is sketchy at best, but they all seem to be around C- or B-Rank in strength. Now, to our knowledge there have been few defections from Hidden Sound, as Orochimaru's paranoia has kept such activities to a minimum. These three escaped. I want you to find them, offer them asylum, and bring them here. By force, if necessary."_

"_Don't missing nin usually fall under the jurisdiction of the ANBU?" Asked Sakura, frowning. Tsunade nodded._

"_Usually. However, there are rumors that Orochimaru has offered a large bounty on the head of Naruto Uzumaki. If they wish to redeem themselves before Orochimaru, these nin would try to kill you Naruto."_

"_So, I'll be serving as bait, more or less," Naruto surmised. Tsunade sighed._

"_Unfortunately, yes. However, if they are open to asylum, your presence may also draw them out. I doubt that they're stupid-If they were they couldn't escape the Hidden Sound. They'll see you and recognize their chance to come to Konoha for their own safety." Naruto nodded. Sakura and Kakashi gawked at Naruto again, before Tsunade leaned back._

"_I think you'll find the rest of what you need in that folder. You leave today. Good luck."_

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Naruto didn't object to being bait, probably because if they found these nin, there was a good chance they could lead them to Sasuke. Still, Naruto had always been one to blurt out the obvious. And the obvious benefits from this mission being a success should have been shouted out by the blond shinobi.

Sakura sighed mentally. It wasn't like a quiet, thoughtful Naruto was a bad thing, right?

**Hell no!** Inner Sakura announced. **Besides, he's gotten pretty cute over these three years, hasn't he?**

Sakura grimaced. _Shut up! He is not cute!_

**Oh yes he is,** Inner Sakura pressed. **C'mon, that hair, that face, those whiskers…**

_I'm not into cats! Besides, if this mission is a success, we might be able to get Sasuke back and-!_

**Fuck Sasuke! And not in the fun way!** Inner Sakura snarled. Sakura sighed, aloud this time. Her inner self had steadily begun to distance herself from Sasuke, expressing the anger and betrayal she felt over the Uchiha's defection. The memories of the disappointment, the hurt feelings from Sasuke's ignoring or rejecting of her advances and offers also stung, growing into resentment. Outer Sakura may still have carried a torch for the Uchiha survivor, but her inner self burned with hatred towards him.

**He's a traitor! He tried to _kill_ Naruto! He left us, forsook us all, just for his revenge! And through it all, Naruto practically worshipped the ground we walked on! Now that he's grown up, he's not half bad at all!**

_Shut up! We're going to succeed in this mission, then we're going to get Sasuke back, and finally he's going to be mine!_

**If even Ino-pig gave up on him, why are we still obsessing over Duck-Butt-Head?**

_Don't call him that! Shut up! I hate Naruto!_

**Surrre you do, just keep telling yourself that, hun. When you've decided to sell that property on the riverfront of Denial, I'll be waiting.**

Sakura huffed. What did her inner know? She began to glare at Naruto, as though he were the source of all her troubles.

Naruto himself was still mentally cackling at the dumbstruck expressions of Kakashi and Sakura over his stunt. He'd missed pulling pranks, and this was just a plain masterwork if he did say so himself. Old Man Tusume's lessons had, once more, come in handy.

_Know your enemy as you know yourself, and victory will always be yours,_ Naruto recited silently, _and the simplest solution is usually the best._

And all it had cost him were the ryo needed to buy the second set of bells.

The Uzumaki shook himself free of his glee for just a moment, deciding to rerun through the mission briefing he'd gotten _after_ the rest of Team Seven had departed.

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_Naruto blinked as a large, powerfully built man, easily in his 50s, emerged in Tsunade's office. Half of his face was concealed in bandages over his messy brown hair, giving Naruto the impression of seeing Baki, Gaara's jounin sensei, in a mirror with his head wrappings missing and a Konoha forehead protector._

"_Naruto, this is Danzo, the head of ANBU," Tsunade introduced him, the grimace on her face revealing just what she thought of her new 'guest'. "He's here to make an offer to you, regarding a commission in ANBU." Tsunade knit her fingers together. "Section 6, I believe?"_

_Naruto blinked, as Danzo smirked slightly._

"_So much for plausible deniability," the ANBU head sighed. He crossed his arms over his black robes, looking at Tsunade in an almost imperious manner. Naruto bristled. His obaa-chan deserved more respect than that!_

"_You didn't really think I wasn't aware of your activities?" Tsunade sneered._

"_You do understand the reasons for such secrecy, Hokage-sama," Danzo replied. "Considering how easily Konoha has been infiltrated in the past…" Tsunade ground her teeth audibly, one of her fists tightening in a sound like steel cord being coiled. Naruto couldn't help but glare at the man. He thought Tsunade knew! Sure, he hadn't been _told_ specifically that she was in the know, but still!_

"_For some reason, the council respects your decisions in these matters, Danzo, so I am powerless to disband Section 6, again." Tsunade's glare darkened. "For the moment."_

_Naruto was pleased to see Danzo shudder, if only slightly, at the intensity of the woman's glare. Danzo cleared his throat._

"_I'm sure you are aware of what Section 6 was created for," Danzo stated. "So I will not bore you with details. The secondary mission to the one already assigned is ranked A-class, possibly low S. It is an ongoing mission, to trace activities we believe to be funded and organized by Otokagure, the purpose of which we are unclear."_

_Tsunade nodded. "If they are part of this plan, whatever it is, the missing nin will be vital to our efforts to curb Sound's influence. You must take them alive, and get them back here alive, at any cost, save those covered by standard Rules of Engagment." Danzo opened his mouth to protest._

"_Hokage-sama, you cannot expect them to-"_

"_I will not have any embassies being blown up, or any towns being destroyed, or any murders done to implicate innocent people, Danzo," Tsunade snarled. "If you don't accept these terms, the mission is canceled." Danzo glared back._

"_Hokage-sama, you do realize how serious this is? If those missining nin go to another village, or are recaptured by Orochimaru-"_

"_I'll have the regular hunter nin deal with them," Tsunade stated flatly," the intelligence loss be damned."_

_For a moment, both Sannin and ANBU Head stared eachother down. Naruto was about ready to form Kage Bunshin to try and separate them if things turned ugly… When Danzo nodded, still glaring at his Hokage._

"_Understood, Hokage-sama." Danzo turned to Naruto, and tossed something over. Naruto caught the object and looked it over, blinking. It seemed to be a small patch, with a stylized upside-down V-symbol on a black background. A tiny '6' in kanji was on the top of the symbol._

"_What's this?" Naruto asked, turning it over in his hands. Danzo smirked._

"_This patch will identify you as a Six agent, should you fail in your mission," Danzo said flatly. "Our undercover operatives will make every effort to assist you that they can. Six is still the best kept secret among the shinobi nations, and no one but fellow agents will know what this means. Welcome aboard, Zero Seven."_

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Naruto tapped the patch, hidden away in one of his vest's pockets, as they continued their journey, before smiling ever so slightly. Sure, Danzo was an asshole (Tusume's journals had said as much), but being part of ANBU, of the best of the best, gave Naruto an incredible sense of pride and accomplishment.

Sai watched from some distance away, and nodded to himself.

_All is proceeding as planned._

His thoughts were echoed, unknowingly on both ends, by a certain fox demon also traveling with them…

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_AN: Edited the "shot up" embassies part 2/11/07. _

_Sorry for the frequent cliffhangers, but it's how the story is demanding to be written. Plus, it keeps me from stumbling on writer's block._

_Quotes from Sun Tzu's _Art of War_ and __William Ockham's_ Sentences of Peter Lombard.

_Anyway, next time: The Uzumaki Chronicles make the Top Ten List, as more and more women find their interest in our favorite blond shinobi piqued. Meanwhile, Team Seven finds their quarry… or does their quarry find them?_

_Review please! It keeps me going when writer's block rears it's ugly head!_


	12. Chapter 12

**Weapons of Old and New**

_Or, Not Another Super Naruto Story_

_(Really. It's Not.)_

_By Andrew J. Talon_

_Disclaimer: Oh, yeah. I SO own Naruto. That's why I have to bust my ass working at minimum wage to pay for college. Psh. Sure._

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Tawny Town was a fairly large fortified village situated between Suna and Konoha. The community was in a small valley, surrounded by desert and mountains on all sides. Fortunately however, the village was on top of the local aquifer, which nearly reached the surface. With the rainfall from the mountains to the east running down the water table, Tawny Town was both well protected and fertile.

Kakashi appreciated the strategic importance of Tawny Town-He'd helped liberate it when a Stone/Cloud force had made a daring raid and captured it. The sand-colored buildings were draped with red, green, and blue banners, women on the balconies tending to small gardens or waving out laundry. Below, the streets were wide as in Konoha, but packed with merchants and peddlers of a decidedly Wind Country bent.

Despite the Fire Country flag that had been flying over the city's administrative heart (even when Sand and Sound had attacked three years ago), Tawny Town was only defended by Konoha. Everything else was left up to it's citizens.

"Kakashi," Sakura said quietly, as she and the jounin walked the streets. Both had stowed their forehead protectors and now wore slightly more civilian clothing. However, Kakashi knew that a train shinobi couldn't be fooled. The crowds moving past them would hopefully offer cover as they searched for the three Sound-nin. Sai and Naruto had gone off to cover another part of the city.

"Hm?" He responded at last. Sakura frowned, looking about.

"Do we have an actual plan for finding these nin, or are we making it up as we go along?" Kakashi raised an eyebrow under the hood of his cloak. His Sharingan eye was disguised with a contact lens matching his other. He couldn't see with it, but at least it wouldn't be draining his chakra or giving him away.

"We're sweeping the city first. There are several likely locations for them to hide or head for. Orochimaru would be aware of several of our old safe houses, and potentially he told his subordinates about them." Kakashi frowned beneath his mask. "However, if they're smart enough to escape the Hidden Sound, they would know that Orochimaru would search these sites first." Sakura frowned as they passed a loud peddler bragging about his spices. She flushed when he leered at her and mentioned their "aphrodisiacal properties", but she simply ignored him and resumed Kakashi's pace. Inner Sakura flashed a few images of what she could do with those spices and Naruto, which Outer violently suppressed.

"Why would Orochimaru be so desperate to get these nin back though?" Sakura posed. "Their files indicate that they're not experiments of his, nor that they're particularly powerful." Kakashi nodded.

"However, therein lies the problem, Sakura. Those are _estimations_ of their abilities and statuses. We may not know if they are some of Orochimaru's experiments or personal projects. He does not focus entirely on young boys, after all." Sakura grimaced at this.

"More to the point, however, Orochimaru cannot risk these three falling into enemy hands, for three reasons." Sakura frowned in thought, and nodded.

"One, they escaped from Hidden Sound, and therefore know where it is. Two, they may have access to some of Orochimaru's plans and can provide us with additional intelligence on his recent activities, even if only from one angle. And three… They have knowledge of Oto ninja techniques and tactics." Kakashi nodded.

"This would be an intelligence coup for any nation able to capture them, or persuade them to defect, as Sound is easily the most mysterious of all the Shinobi nations." Sakura frowned once more.

"Then why is it classed only as an A-Rank mission? Something this big… Orochimaru isn't going to hold anything back if he can, right?" Kakashi smiled, both eyes closing.

"Simple. No missing nin of any notable power or strength have been confirmed as disappearing or joining the Sound in the last two years. The Sound Five were all trained from childhood into the powerhouses we faced, and were the only ninja Orochimaru gave his Curse Seal to aside from Sasuke. Therefore, Orochimaru is down to Sasuke, Kabuto, and perhaps a few higher level nin still in training. He knows Konoha would send shinobi who would be more than a match for any of them to find the missing nin, and obviously he has no desire to lose his new vessel or his doctor." Kakashi twitched slightly as Sasuke's name left his lips, but pressed on.

"So, he's going to be sending either paid mercenaries-Many of whom we or our allies have hired ourselves-or grunt troops. At best, perhaps a few talented lower level ninja. More than likely experts in genjutsu and deception. However, considering your talent with genjutsu, and my Sharingan, plus our exceptional combat abilities…"

"There isn't much to worry about," Sakura finished. "Aside from the unknown quantities." Kakashi chuckled.

"Indeed, Sakura. You're going to find this mission somewhat unique as compared to previous ones. In that the rank is bumped up because of a lack of intelligence, rather than downgraded." Sakura laughed wryly, as they continued down the streets of the crowded city.

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Naruto frowned, leaning back against the dusty stone wall. Down in a courtyard below, a large group of people were gathered, hooting and hollering and cheering in a rough circle around a dirt-covered pit. Money changed hands, a few punches were thrown, and drinks tossed back as the match went on.

A desert fox yipped, leaping away from a much larger cobra as it lashed out, fangs glistening in the dry heat. The fox rolled away from another strike, lashing out with red foam flying from it's muzzle. By all appearances the fox should be dead by now-It was only a kit, and the snake clearly full grown. But the little creature didn't give up, and used it's gifts and cunning to outmaneuver it's much larger, stronger opponent.

Naruto couldn't help but appreciate the irony with a foxy smirk of his own. Especially in light of the Kyuubi agreeing to his terms earlier in the day. He leaned forward, his goggled eyes narrowing as though focused on the match. The face mask he had gotten from Kakashi hid his whisker marks, but he still kept his blond hair uncovered. It drew attention… Particularly the attention of their current surveillance target.

"_Rei Enkidu. By her records before she became a missing nin from the Cloud she was a compulsive gambler. It makes sense that she could be found doing such a thing even while on the run," _Sai said quietly over the radio link. The dark-haired boy was posing as a gambler in the midst of the noisy mob, calmly drinking a bottle of cheap sake.

Naruto rolled his eyes. The boy stood out like a sore thumb, standing there stiff as a board. _How the hell did he become a Zero anyway?_

"Well, that and it's a good way to earn some cash while on the run."

He felt eyes on him once more, and noted that their woman was once more looking away from the game. Out of the corner of his eye he saw her. She was short, with a curvy body and modest bust. Combined with her long black hair done up in a tight braid and smooth face, she bore a passing resemblance to Kin Tsuchi. If not for her bright green eyes and darker complexion, they could have been sisters.

Enkidu looked back at the game, joining the other spectators in shouting, encouraging her bet (the fox). Her eyes kept darting to Naruto, which the blond shinobi mentally nodded at. She was probably aware of who he was-Her constant focusing on him pretty much spelled that out.

"_I believe we can follow her after this event is over, and capture her. Over," _Sai further added. Naruto's gaze flitted back to his partner, and he groaned. He was edging nearer and nearer to her!

"Sai, stop. No need to spook her. And for God's sake, put your hand down!" Sai pressed his right ear even more, a frown on his face.

"_Repeat that, over?"_ Enkidu's gaze turned away from her nervous observation of Naruto, to scan the part of the crowd Sai was currently standing in. Naruto, from this angle, was able to clearly spot the shock and sudden recognition on the woman's face when she spotted Sai…

Just before she bolted, leaping over the heads of the crowd and up over the wall. Her flight caused a panic, people knocking eachother about, some into the pit where the fox kit had just managed to dig it's teeth into the neck of the snake.

"GOD DAMNIT!" Naruto cursed, before taking off after the missing nin. He ignored Sai's report to Kakashi over the radio, as Enkidu began racing over the rooftops, Naruto maintaining pursuit.

_Damnit! Damnit! Damnit! Why did I have to get the idiot for a partner on my first mission?!_

Sai leapt to the upper level of the courtyard, avoiding the panicked mob. He nodded to himself as Naruto and the target raced above Tawny Town, before vanishing in a swirl of leaves.

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_Next time: The chase is on, as Team Seven tries to catch up to their first missing nin! Meanwhile, back in Konoha, certain rumors are growing stronger. R&R!_


	13. Chapter 13

**Weapons of Old and New**

_Or, Not Another Super Naruto Story_

_(Really. It's Not.)_

_By Andrew J. Talon_

_Disclaimer: Oh, yeah. I SO own Naruto. That's why I have to bust my ass working at minimum wage to pay for college. Psh. Sure._

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Enkidu Rei cursed under her breath as she leapt through a second story window, rushing past a surprised housewife who was cooking at an oven. She ran through the apartment door, smashing it apart, before rushing down a tan hallway.

"Outta the way!" She shouted to a pair of men carrying a couch.

"Huh? What-?" She dropped down on her bottom and slid between the surprised duo's legs, sliding back up to her feet and leaping through yet another window, automatically gathering chakra into her feet as she landed and stuck to a clothesline.

"Man, am I getting a sense of déjà vu here," a young male voice commented. Rei cursed again, her eyes darting about and finally landing on her blond pursuer, standing on the rooftop of the building she'd just ran through. Even under his mask and goggles she could tell he was smiling.

"Who are you? I didn't think the Yellow Flash had any surviving family," she returned, keeping the nervousness out of her voice. This ninja's chakra signature was small… _Too_ small. It implied that he was suppressing it, meaning he had to be reasonably skilled in manipulating his chakra.

"I wouldn't know about that, but speaking of Konoha…"

"I'm not interested in spending the rest of my days in a prison cell, _thank you,"_ she hissed, before leaping away and tearing across the rooftops once more. The blond followed, mimicking every turn, every leap, every step she took. She shook her head and turned towards the main marketplace.

Naruto grimaced. _Great, she's going to try and lose me in the crowd,_ he thought, as she leapt off one last roof into the bustling street below. _Damnit, nothing for it…_

He turned and followed the street from the roofs, keeping his eye on that long mop of black hair nimbly but unobtrusively navigating the crowds. She leapt over a fruit stand before backflipping and rebounding off a stack of barrels, shooting herself into an alley as the barrels tumbled down, bursting open and dousing everyone near with a spray of wine. The vendor screeched in horror, as Naruto simply leapt clear across the street to keep up with the missing nin. He frowned as she cut through yet another marketplace, leaping over the heads of startled people and maintaining her altitude.

_Exactly where does she think she's going?_ He wondered, as Rei ran into a busy construction site, dodging harried workers under the hot sun. It appeared an office building was being constructed, using new machinery from the Western nations. Naruto leapt down and paused at the entrance, as Rei began climbing up a steel girder of the only partially-finished building. Naruto grimaced. Tawney Town laws were pretty strict when it came to the use of ninja techniques within city limits, so what could he do when even a simple _Shunshin no Jutsu_ would set off the alarms?

He looked about, ignoring the buzzing of his radio … And smiled as his eyes landed on a particular vehicle.

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Enkidu smirked, pausing to rest on a concrete-covered level of the building. She looked about and saw no blond pursuer, and felt her smile widen. A few workers above gawked down at her, but she paid them no mind as her gaze settled on a stack of plastic pipes in front of the fence closing off the area.

"Guess they don't make hunter nin like they-" A large, lumbering vehicle, with a huge metal scoop attached to it's front, smashed through the fence. Workers scattered in panic as it powered on, smashing through the stack of pipes, it's powerful steam engine whistling loudly. Rei sweatdropped as the blond Leaf Nin grinned back at her underneath his mask as he drove the vehicle right for her.

"_SHIT!"_ She shrieked, leaping away just as the scooped vehicle crashed where she was just sitting a split second ago. The blond leapt out of the vehicle's cabin and followed her as she leapt from girder to girder, dodging several shocked and shouting workers. She flipped up onto the tenth level and ran, shoving two workers off. They screamed as they streaked for the ground… Only to be cut off as several shuriken shot out and caught them by their clothes.

"The hell…?" Mumbled one numbly, as their rescuer saluted them and continued his pursuit of the woman who had nearly killed them.

Rei leaped up at last to a large, relatively antiquated wooden crane, and climbed up the taut wires holding a few girders lashed together. Naruto followed, climbing right behind her.

"Lovely view, isn't it?" He shouted. Rei looked down and blushed furiously.

"Shut up, pervert!" She snarled, slashing the wire beneath her with a kunai. Naruto cursed as he was forced to perform a quick _Shunshin no Jutsu,_ now hanging above her.

"Look, I just set off every chakra detector for blocks," Naruto stated flatly. "You want to be turned back over to Sound, fine by me. There's a Rice Country embassy in town." She responded by hurling her kunai at him, and letting go of the wire, easily landing on a girder below and propelling herself to the rooftops once more.

"God damnit," Naruto muttered, following. He could already see several regular Tawney Town police showing up, all holding large paper fans. They had all turned purplish, indicating a release of chakra. It was similar in principle to the chakra-sensitive paper used to determine one's elemental affinity, only this paper could not tell what kind of jutsu was being used-Just what kind of chakra. Blue was for standard chakra, green for healing chakra (and therefore considered harmless), and red or purple for demonic.

"Damn you stupid fox! I told you to limit your chakra release into my body!" He snarled, landing on the roof and speeding up, keeping sight of Enkidu. The Kyuubi did not respond, but Naruto got a faint hint of satisfaction from the demon.

_Bastard… You'd better keep our deal or I'm just going to let you die with me!_

Naruto looked up and grinned as she cut into a public botanical garden. Perfect ambush location! He leapt down, a quick _Shunshin no Jutsu,_ putting him right in front of Rei. Naruto made sure to reappear with his arms crossed and his weight shifted to the side, his goggles pushed up as he regarded the now gaping missing nin.

"Seriously, I'm not going to-" Naruto had to block a knife strike, which was quickly followed up by a mule kick for his gut. Naruto peeled away, his hand easily grabbing Rei's wrist and yanking her forward. He held her in a headlock, as she struggled, gritting her teeth.

"Damnit, let me go you motherfucker!" Naruto grimaced.

"Look, you crazy bitch, if you'd just let me-ERK!" An elbow hit to his gut. He ignored the pain, even as she elbowed him in rapid succession. Naruto gritted his teeth, finally letting her go and shoving her away, taking deep breaths. "Damnit! Let me-!"

"Asshole! I know what you do to prisoners from the Sound!" She snarled. "I've heard what you do to women in particular, you sick bastards!" Naruto blinked.

"What?! Excuse me, but if your source for this information is Orochi-"

"_Don't say his name!"_ Rei hissed, frantically looked about as though the Snake Sannin would appear at any time. Naruto sighed.

"Look, considering you're running from Oro-"

"_DON'T SAY-!"_

"DAMNIT WOMAN YOU ARE ONE-!"

"Hey, what's going on here?" Both ninja turned to see a few security guards and onlookers observing. Naruto felt a sweatdrop emerge from the back of his head.

"Er, well… Um…"

**WHELP.**

_GAH! The hell?Bastard fox, what are you-?!_

**IT HAS COME TO MY ATTENTION THAT YOU ARE IN NEED OF ASSISTANCE. ALSO, YOU HAVE NOT COMPLETELY SEVERED ALL THE CHAKRA COILS I 'INSTALLED'. RELAX, I'M KEEPING TO OUR DEAL, I'M MERELY COMMUNICATING WITH YOU.**

_What the hell for?! I'm not in battle right now!_

**NO, BUT CLEARLY YOU COULD USE SOME HELP.**

_What can _you_ do, bastard fox?_

**LOOK, YOU WANT TO ACCOMPLISH THIS MISSION, CORRECT?**

_Er, yeah…?_

**THEN DO WHAT I SAY.**

_And I should trust you because…?_

**BRAT, THE DAY YOU HAVE SEVERAL THOUSAND MORE YEARS OF EXPERIENCE THAN I DO, THEN YOU CAN QUESTION MY JUDGEMENT IN MATTERS PERTAINING TO FEMALES.**

_Females…? You mean, you're a _guy

**I DO NOT HAVE THE SAME DEFINING CHARACTERISTICS AS LESSER LIFEFORMS, FOOL! BUT I HAVE TAKEN THE FORM OF BOTH MALE AND FEMALE HUMANS. I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING. BESIDES, IT'S NOT LIKE I CAN COMPEL YOU TO DO ANYTHING I SAY NOW IS IT?**

_Er, well, no… Fine. What do I do first?_

To the outside observer, this exchange only took a moment or two, which didn't leave Rei the chance to escape. Or to prepare for what happened next.

"MMPH!" She protested feebly, as her pursuer pulled down his mask and kissed her, dipping her dramatically. Their audience gawked or whistled, not noticing how the "couple's" eyes glowed slightly red. Naruto pulled back, a satisfied smirk on his face as Rei stared blankly at him.

"Ha! I win! You have to catch and kiss _me_ next!" Naruto crowed, blushing violently. Rei, also flushed, gave a shy smile and nodded meekly.

"Er, sorry officers. My, um… _friend,_" and here Kyuubi indicated that Naruto should wink, which he did, "and I were just playing a game, and we were arguing about the rules. But, I think I've solved the problem nicely, right honey?"

"Yes dear," she breathed, staring intently at Naruto. The blond coughed, and rubbed the back of his head sheepishly as he smiled at the chuckling officers.

"Um… Guess I don't know my own strength, heh," he grinned.

"Well, next time try to keep your spats quieter, sir. Have a good day, both of you," the head officer snickered, tipping his hat as he and his colleagues turned away and ushered the spectators away, some snapping pictures. Naruto grinned, before turning back to Rei with an embarrassed cough.

"Um… Sorry about that, really, but I couldn't-MMPH?!" Warm lips covered his own, as bright green eyes stared, almost frightening in their intensity, into his blue ones. Naruto felt a sweatdrop decorate the back of his head.

_FOX! THE HELL DID YOU DO TO HER?!_

The Kyuubi cackled.

**WHAT? I THOUGHT HUMAN MALES GOT A KICK OUT OF THIS SORT OF THING? AND HERE I AM, TRYING TO HELP YOU, UNGRATEFUL WHELP.**

_The fuck?! What kind of demonic crap is this-THE HELL?!_

"Uh, Rei, maybe you should stop that," Naruto managed, as Rei fortunately needed oxygen and pulled back. However, her hand was otherwise occupied. She smiled serenely.

"What's your name?"

"Uh… Naruto?"

"Naruto-sama, I'm yours. Please, have me for as long as you wish," she pleaded in a sexy tone, her lips descending to his neck. Naruto felt unbelievably conflicted at the moment.

_FOX! FOX! _

**LOOK MORON, ALL I DID WAS SLIGHTLY ALTER YOUR CHAKRA TO EMIT A WAVE OF ENERGY INTO HER BODY. I ESSENTIALLY TRIGGERED HER TO FEEL PLEASURE AND HAPPINESS WHENEVER SHE GETS IN RANGE OF YOUR AURA.**

_Oh c'mon! You had to have messed with her brain in some way!_

**IN TRUTH, THIS METHOD OF CHAKRA MANIPULATION IS PURELY PASSIVE. IT JUST MAKES PEOPLE LOSE THEIR INHIBITIONS AROUND YOU.**

_Wait! People?! Damnit fox I don't swing both ways you son of a-!_

**RELAX WHELP. IT'S ONLY AFFECTING HER AT THE MOMENT. THOUGH I DID ADJUST IT FOR FEMALE CHAKRAS SO POTENTIALLY IT'LL AFFECT OTHERS. HEY, YOU WANTED MY HELP AND I GAVE IT TO YOU. WHAT ARE YOU UNHAPPY ABOUT?**

_Switch it back!_

… **NO.**

_WHAT?! GODDAMNIT CHANGE IT BACK YOU PUS-SUCKING GUTTER WHORE!_

**HMM… NOT BAD FOR A HUMAN, BUT MY ANSWER IS STILL NO.**

_DAMN YOU FOX BASTARD! I SWEAR TO GOD I'M GONNA RIP OFF YOUR-!_

"NARUTO UZUMAKI, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" Naruto winced, and turned his head away from Rei as she tried to get her tongue down his throat again. A _very_ pissed Sakura Haruno stood there, fire shooting out of her eyes.

"Sakura-chan, I swear it's not my fault-! I mean, she-! You-! It's not-! DAMNIT ALL TO HELL!" Naruto let go of Rei and ran for it, as Sakura screamed bloody murder and gave chase.

"I'M GOING TO CASTRATE YOU YOU PERVERT!"

"Wait! Come back Naruto-sama! I need you!" Rei cried out, following. Nearby, Kakashi and Sai watched the spectacle. Kakashi felt tears coming to his eyes.

"Damnit, even I never got _enemy_ kunoichi," he muttered angrily, as Sai watched in considerable confusion.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Back in Konoha…

Tsunade sighed, rubbing her forehead.

"No, I can't say where Naruto is, Hinata. He's on a mission." The Hyuuga heiress almost pouted, but managed to maintain her composed air.

"I… I understand, Hokage-sama." The blonde woman felt an evil smirk come to her face.

"But, I will be sure to send him on a courier mission to your home when he gets back," she said with a wink. Hinata blushed violently.

"R-R-Really?" She squeaked. Tsunade nodded, leaning back in her chair regally.

"Yes. I'll even give you a heads up beforehand, so you can hop in the shower," she continued, winking once more. Hinata blinked in confusion…

_Ichi… Ni… San…_ Tsunade mentally counted, and Hinata went bright red. She nodded, a shy but devious smile appearing on her face.

"H-Hai… Hokage-sama," she replied, bowing. "T-Thank you." Tsunade nodded.

"Just be careful with him, all right?" Tsunade warned. Hinata nodded so hard and fast her head seemed to blur for a moment. The blonde grinned.

"Go get 'im, tiger," she cheered, as Hinata bowed, blushed again, and headed out. Once the Hyuuga heiress had closed the double doors behind her, Tsunade snorted.

"Mmph…"

She'd given variations of the same talk to several kunoichi who had already inquired about Naruto. Gai's weapons specialist, the Yamanaka girl-Even Anko had seemingly taken an interest in the young man she loved like a little brother.

"Hee hee…"

Shizune was better at hiding it, but it was clear she too had read Ichi Ichi recently, given how she coughed violently whenever Naruto was brought up. And so, Tsunade had formulated an evil plan, that would get Naruto back for not writing, while simultaneously rewarding him with love and affection he'd so sought. It would also keep him out of Danzo's hands. And, most importantly of all, it would give Tsunade much needed entertainment.

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! MWAHAHAHAHAAHA! MWAHAHAHAHAHAAA!"

Outside the Hokage's office, Kotesu Hagane and Izumo Kamizuki looked up from their paperwork, and turned as one to Shizune, who was sitting quietly at her own desk while petting Tonton and reading reports. The well-dressed pig sighed, before hopping off Shizune's lap and burrowing into a bag nearby. When she emerged, she was wearing an pot-like helmet. She trotted off to an empty desk and hid underneath, covering her eyes with her hooves.

"Bweeee!" Tonton groaned. Kotesu and Izumo turned from staring at the pig, to Shizune. She too was wearing a helmet, and sighed.

"You guys want one too?" She asked. "Because you're probably going to need them." The two male ninja sweatdropped heavily.

"I had to become a ninja… Why didn't' I listen to my mother," Kotesu mumbled, while Izumo whacked his head against his desk.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_In case you guys didn't know, Izumo and Kotesu are the chuunin who pretended to be genin at the door to the Chuunin Exam. They later became Tsunade's aides. _

_Since there are steam trains in Naruto as shown by the first Naruto Movie, it's not that much of a stretch to think that there might be steam-powered bulldozers. The chakra-signal paper is also not too much of stretch either, especially for a city that's between several formally warring nations. Keeping the peace in such a city is vital. Also, since it's a major trading area, it could easily be privy to the latest technologies from foreign nations. _

_Still no definitive pairings as of yet. Rei's resemblance to Kin Tsuchi (I corrected it-Thank you, Hir!) will be explored in more detail later._

_Thank you Koroshiya for betaing! Sorry Monster Maker, I grew impatient._

_Next time: With Rei's help, Team Seven tracks down the other missing Sound nin… Only to find a huge surprise waiting for them. _

_Until next time, read and review! _


	14. Chapter 14

**Weapons of Old and New**

_Or, Not Another Super Naruto Story_

_(Really. It's Not.)_

_By Andrew J. Talon_

_Disclaimer: Oh, yeah. I SO own Naruto. That's why I have to bust my ass working at minimum wage to pay for college. Psh. Sure._

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"Well, I must say that so far this mission is going well, wouldn't you Sakura?" Kakashi asked blithely, an smirk obvious even under his mask. As they walked along the dirt road, Sakura's eyebrow twitched violently, as her hands stayed curled into fists. Her teeth ground audibly.

"That's not a very good habit to have, Sakura," Kakashi observed. Sakura instantly transferred some chakra into her fists, and glared right at her sensei, death in her eyes. He coughed, but still kept up his smirk.

The object of Sakura's simmering wrath walked a few meters behind them. Naruto Uzumaki, blushing furiously and attempting (with no success) to peal Rei Endiku off his arm. The black-haired woman stared at him with lovesick eyes, and cooed at everything he said.

_THAT BASTARD! HOW DARE HE CARRY ON LIKE THAT! I SHOULD POUND HIM INTO OBLIVION FOR THIS!_ The pink-haired girl mentally snarled.

**Yeah! That slut should get the hell off our man! Shannaro!** Inner Sakura concurred. Sakura blinked.

_What?_

**C'mon, that fucking hussy's got nothing on us!** Inner Sakura posed sexily, bending over and winking. **I'm sexier than she could ever be!**

_Gah! Would you shut up?! I don't feel that way about Naruto! So enough already!_ Sakura groused. Inner Sakura rolled her eyes.

**Would you get over Emo Boy already?**

_Don't call Sasuke-kun that you bitch!_

**Fag-Hag!**

_TAKE THAT BACK, YOU SLUT!_

**Make me, fag hag! Hahahahahahaaa!**

_THAT'S IT! NOW YOU DIE!_

"Excuse me for a moment, Kakashi-sensei," Sakura got out through gritted teeth, before walking off the dirt road leading them to the other Sound-nin's hideout. Kakashi blinked, and paused, as did Naruto (and Rei with him, who was nuzzling her nose against his neck and making the orange-clad ninja blush even harder). Sai had gone off to the local ANBU safehouse to get some backup just in case Rei's comrades were not as equitable to leaving as she was.

"Uh, Kakashi-sensei? What's Sakura-chan off to do?" Naruto asked. Kakashi sighed… And sighed again as angry screaming was faintly heard over the boulders and hill Sakura had disappeared behind.

"Shouldn't we help her? She sounds like she's in trouble!" Naruto worried. "Rei!"

"I'm sorry, Naruto-sama," she breathed, kissing his neck once more. "Would you like to punish me?"

"It might be a good idea, Naruto," Kakashi suggested, his eyes closing in his usual happy smile. Naruto snarled at him.

"Not. Funny. Oh, by the way, have you recovered from Hiashi's wrath yet?" Kakashi winced, and instinctively rubbed his right arm.

"That was low, Naruto. Having your poor sensei attacked like that, just because I was complimenting your prowess."

"What prowess?!"

Kakashi merely pointed at Rei, and Naruto blushed. His improved situational awareness had kept him from _really_ embarrassing himself (or getting arrested for public indecency), but Rei was extremely… _distracting._

"Er-Um… That's because of, uh…" Naruto took his hands and held them up against the sides of his head, like broad ears. Kakashi's eyes widened.

"It's fine, it's fine! It's, er… Contained, but it's messing with, er…" Naruto sighed heavily as he brought his hands back down. "Rei, please stop that."

"But you look so tense," she cooed.

"_Not there I'm not, thank you,"_ Naruto got out, shivering in both mortification and… Something else, which he really didn't' want to put into words.

Kakashi just continued to smirk, and wondered if sharing _this_ would finally convince Jiraiya to let him write for _Icha Icha…_

- - - - - - - - - - -

Sakura leapt out of the way as a fist came down on her previous spot. The ground underneath the fist shattered like cheap glass, as it's owner turned and struck out with her foot. Sakura blocked, skidding extremely far down from her opponent. She glared defiantly… At herself.

"Look! I let you out here to talk things out! Not to fight!"

"**You're not going to listen to reason anyway, why should I bother?"** Her double sneered. Having learned Kage Bunshin from Tsunade (in addition to the myriad of medical and body-enhancing jutsus now in her arsenal), Sakura had learned how to manifest Inner Sakura in the body of a Shadow Clone. While she couldn't create hordes of them, having her inner self inhabit a chakra-infused body made the bunshin stronger-Nearly as strong as herself.

At the moment, Sakura was wishing she'd put less chakra than usual into the kage bunshin. Inner Sakura smirked, cracking her knuckles, as Sakura sighed.

"Look… I don't care how _you_ feel about Naruto. I love Sasuke, and that's never going to change! Period!"

"**There are different kinds of love, dumbass! And besides, it's not just _me_ who cares about Naruto,"** Inner Sakura replied with a smirk. Sakura grit her teeth, and turned away, her nose turning up.

"Look, I don't know just what's twisted you while you were in there, but my feelings for Naruto… Well…"

"**Explain why you've been going on dates with blond guys then,"** Inner Sakura stated flatly. "**All of them like Naruto."**

"Well… They were… Nice!" Sakura stuttered. Inner Sakura grinned triumphantly, as Sakura scowled.

"**Well, if you're not going to take him… Maybe I should try my hand at dating him?" **Sakura ignored the sudden sensation of fury welling up inside her, along with her old friend jealousy. But only with incredible effort.

"Fine. What do I care? Go for it. I'll have nothing to do with that idiot." Inner Sakura grinned.

"**Well, while you moon over Emo Boy and stick with mere imitations, I'll be getting myself a _real_ man. Hope you enjoy your life as the Queen of Denial!"** Inner Sakura cackled. This, however, allowed Sakura to smash her clone's face in and dispel her. She then sighed, holding a hand to her head.

"Damnit… Stupid inner self, what does she know?

**Everything you do, stupid!** Came the reply.

Sakura would have retorted, had the dull boom of an explosion not sounded over the ridge. She cursed.

"Damn it, not now!"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_Mwahahahaha… Cliffhanger!_

_Yes, I had to clear up the plothole from chapter three on who Sakura was dating. Hoped that did it. Well, review please! See you soon!_


	15. Chapter 15

**Weapons of Old and New**

_Or, Not Another Super Naruto Story_

_(Really. It's Not.)_

_By Andrew J. Talon_

_Disclaimer: Oh, yeah. I SO own Naruto. That's why I have to bust my ass working at minimum wage to pay for college. Psh. Sure._

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"_Doton: Yomi Numa_!"

Naruto cursed and leapt back, as the ground he was previously standing on turned into sucking swamp. Rei held onto him, eagerly, which Naruto tried to ignore as he scanned the ridge above them. Two female figures sat there, one clearly just finishing the Earth jutsu. Naruto landed on a tall outcropping of rock that jutted out of the now swampy area.

"Guh!" Naruto muttered, as it began to shift in the slippery slime now surrounding them on all sides.

"Impressive," Kakashi noted, clinging to one side of the same rock formation. "Looks like she's made this entire area into a five-foot deep swamp." Naruto grimaced.

"Who was that, Rei?" The girl giggled.

"Oh, that's Yun-chan. Her specialty is in earth jutsus. This is her strongest one though, and it looks like she just used up most of her chakra doing it." Rei sighed. "Unfortunately, Misa-chan's jutsus work well with Yun's."

"How so?" Kakashi asked, before his eyes widened. Numerous figures of water rose around the pillar, all coalescing into the form of several Sound kunoichi wearing masks.

"It puts out enough chakra-charged water for Misa-chan to use her water jutsus more effectively," Rei concluded, still smiling dreamily at Naruto. Naruto smirked.

"Well, too bad for her I can do the same thing, only _better_. _Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!"_ Six additional Narutos popped into existence, before they all leapt away in a flash. A second later and half the water clones surrounding half of Team 7 were splashed out of existence, as the other half charged for the blond clones. Naruto gently pried Rei's hands off him, and produced a second clone.

"Give me a hand!" Naruto commanded his clone, and it complied, quickly forming a Rasengan. He spared a glance at Kakashi, who was just sitting there.

"Hey! Aren't you going to help me?!"

"When you need it, now go on," Kakashi waved, smiling. Naruto growled, before his clone took hold of his Rasengan-free arm and began to swing him around.

"We're gonna have a talk about THIS!" Naruto shouted, as he opened a tiny hole in the front of his Rasengan at the apogee of his swing. The result was predictable-The vacuum within the spiraling sphere sucked air inside of it, pulling Naruto forward at extreme velocities. Naruto let the Rasengan expand in size, drawing in more air, before gritting his teeth in concentration and shoving it behind him.

_KABOOM!_ The explosive release of the Rasengan propelled Naruto like a rocket burst, sending him flying into the surprised faces of the two Sound kunoichi observing the battle from at least twenty meters above and ahead of him.

_CRASH!_ Naruto met both their masked visages with his fists, and all three tumbled in a mess of flailing limbs and screams down the other side of the ridge into a small gulley, landing in a heap atop several scraggly bushes. Naruto shook his head clear of the daze from the impact, and got to his feet in a fighting stance.

"Yun Orokite, Misa Hayami! Um… On behalf of the Hidden Village of the Leaf, I'd like to offer you sanctuary… Uh…" Naruto blinked. Both women were unconscious. He sweatdropped.

"Er… Well…"

"Good work Naruto. You've made our job a whole lot easier," Kakashi noted from behind him. Naruto could easily make out the smirk behind his mask.

"Allright, hand over the camera," Naruto growled. Kakashi blinked.

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Hand over the camera you just used, or I'll tell Hiashi-sama you've been spying on Hinata when she's been in the hot springs," Naruto said flatly. Kakashi froze… Before slowly handing it over.

"And the spare," Naruto tapped his foot expectantly. Kakashi sighed, and handed over that one too.

"You're just no fun anymore, Naruto," the grey-haired Copy Nin shook his head. Naruto snorted.

"No, you're just still a pervert," the blond replied.

"NARUTO-KUN!" Rei squealed, seemingly appearing out of nowhere and glomping onto Naruto, who staggered and wrapped his arms around the girl to keep her from falling off.

"Rei-chan! Please! Stop that already!" Naruto pleaded. Rei fussed over his forehead, wiping away the dirt from his brow with a scrap of cloth.

"I'm sorry Naruto-kun, but I was so worried! Are you injured? Bleeding? Out of breath?" Naruto noted that Kakashi was grinning under his mask… And that his hands were resting on two firm, round, soft…

He immediately moved his hands up to Rei's waist and sighed as she continued to check for injuries.

"And you're not?" Kakashi teased, before walking past Naruto and tying up the other Sound nin, whistling a deceptively innocent tune. Naruto deathglared the back of Kakashi's head, before yelping and dropping Rei to the ground.

"Narruuutooo," she pouted, crossing her arms across her chest. "Why do you have to be so meeeaaan?" Naruto grimaced.

"I'm not being mean! You're just molesting me!"

"But I want to," she simpered in a seductive tone, slowly getting up and reaching for him. Naruto gulped, before turning around and running for it.

"NARUTO-CHAN! WAIT FOR ME!" Rei called, as Naruto ran pat a cackling Kakashi further down the gulley.

"Stop laughing Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto called back, as Rei continued her pursuit. Kakashi was only able to get his giggles under control enough to greet Sakura, who had just caught up.

"So… Looks like you guys took care of everything," Sakura noted flatly. Kakashi shrugged.

"Check these two for injuries, you're far better at diagnostic jutsu than I am," the copy-nin stated, getting up and stretching. Sakura nodded, and ran hands glowing with green chakra over both unconscious nin. She frowned, before pulling back the face mask of one.

"Sensei…?" Kakashi turned back, and blinked at the face of Misa Hayami. He crouched… Before pulling back the mask of Yun Otokite. Both of his eyes widened, as did Sakura's.

"Is… Is it my imagination… Or do they look very similar to-"

"No. It isn't. And they do." Kakashi rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Sai's ANBU team should be here soon. I'll go get Rei and Naruto… I'm sure she can offer some information on this… Occurance." With that, Kakashi leapt off to catch up with his erstwhile student and his newest fan, leaving Sakura to cover the faces of the two former Sound kunoichi.

Faces that were identical to Rei's, and furthermore, identical to the deceased Kin Tsuchi's…

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Confirmed. Targets have made contact," Sai stated quietly into his radio. He was watching the gulley with binoculars, from a concealed crook by a boulder. His gaze shifted to a few ANBU now approaching the same area. He shoved both devices into his pack and set off, easily catching up with the masked ninja.

"They're over there!" He shouted, pointing at the gulley. The leader nodded in acknowledgement, and they continued, Sai keeping pace behind them. As per his orders, he'd gotten the ANBU to come to this spot. However, Danzo-sama's orders had been clear-Make sure the rest of Team Seven found the Sound missing nin first.

Sai didn't know why Danzo had given him these instructions, and he didn't ask. It wasn't his place. He was a tool, a weapon for Danzo-sama, and he was to defer to the ANBU head's orders above anyone else's. Even the Hokage's.

A small part of Sai wondered why Danzo-sama had made this stipulation, but Sai decided that if his commander and guardian wanted to tell him, Sai was confident he would be informed. Until then, he continued with his part in The Plan. Just as he always had.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

_A somewhat anti-climatic end to the mission, but the story is only just beginning._

_Next Time: The three Sound nin are brought back, and clues to their unusual appearance begin to appear. Meanwhile, Naruto gets the feeling he's being followed…_


	16. Chapter 16

**Weapons of Old and New**

_Or, Not Another Super Naruto Story_

_(Really. It's Not.)_

_By Andrew J. Talon_

_Disclaimer: Oh, yeah. I SO own Naruto. That's why I have to bust my ass working at minimum wage to pay for college. Psh. Sure._

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Naruto hated hospitals. The smell of disinfectant, the long white and sterile hallways, the primly-dressed doctors and nurses who would always glare at him…

Obviously, Naruto knew that this wasn't Konoha Hospital. No one would try to kill him with malpractice here. He wasn't even injured.

But the sight of a needle, even when it was going into someone else… He repressed a shudder. Kakashi looked up from his ever-present copy of _Icha Icha Travels_, leaning against the pale wall facing the genin. Naruto shrugged, and turned his attention to the door of the small room he and the Copy Nin were waiting outside of. A pretty nurse with auburn hair emerged, her bright green eyes brightening.

"They're all going to be fine, gentlemen," she said cheerfully. "All three suffered only minor concussions." Sakura came out from the room after the nurse, cringing a bit at the "concussions" part. Naruto sighed and shook his head. He couldn't blame her, really, and _not_ having Rei continually trying to molest him was a welcome change of pace…

But did Sakura really have to hit her so hard on their way back?

"Right. Sai should be here with the ANBU retrieval squad for Yun and Misa in the morning. We'll stay here and guard them until then." Kakashi turned to the pretty nurse. "Nurse, can you get us some chairs please?"

The nurse didn't respond, staring dreamily at Naruto. The blond gulped, and slowly scooted a bit to his left away from her.

"Excuse me, are you sure you're allright, Mr…?" The nurse inquired. Naruto gulped.

"Er… Uzumaki. Naruto Uzumaki." The nurse took a step forward, still smiling dreamily, but with a glint in her eyes Naruto recognized. _Uh oh… FOX! DAMNIT!_

The Kyuubi made no reply.

"Are you completely sure? Because I can give you a complete physical right now and-"

"Ahem," Sakura stated flatly. "I happen to be a competent battlefield _medic,_ and Naruto is _just fine,"_ the pink-haired kunoichi growled, seemingly dropping the temperature in the hallway by several degrees. The nurse, Naruto, and even Kakashi all shivered.

"A-A-Alright! Well then, I must be off!" The nurse turned and began walking down the hallway, but not before throwing a shy wink at Naruto over her shoulder. The blond grimaced.

"Naruto! What the hell is going on here?!" Sakura demanded, grabbing him by the collar. Naruto glared at a silently snickering Kakashi over the furious girl's shoulder, before turning and facing her.

"Look, I don't know what's going on, okay! Really!"

"Liar! Why the hell is every female seemingly dropping right into your arms! Is this some kind of jutsu, you pervert?" Sakura snarled. Naruto gulped and smiled sheepishly.

"Er… It… Doesn't seem to be affecting you, right?" Naruto blinked, and blushed as Sakura continued to glare daggers into his eyes.

"Um, Sakura-chan, can you take your hands off… Er…" Sakura blinked, anger momentarily chased from her face, and she instinctively squeezed her hands. Naruto squeaked, his blush turning even brighter. Sakura blushed with him, and drew back.

"You-You-YOU PERVERT!" Sakura threw a punch, which Naruto dodged with a yelp, the concrete wall behind him now possessing a two-foot across crater in it. Naruto leapt away, turning a cartwheel to evade Sakura's jump kick. He skidded down the hall as he landed in a crouch, leaping back up to avoid a power slam from the furious girl.

"That's enough!" Kakashi stated, loudly but calmly. His voice brought Sakura up short, her eyes widening slightly as though in a trance. Naruto felt the tell-tale signs of a genjutsu trying to influence him through his chakra senses, but was able to avoid the tendrils of spiritual energy from ensnaring his mind.

"This is a hospital, so there will be _no_ rampaging or fighting. Save it for any Sound Nin that come," Kakashi concluded, and Naruto felt the chakra tendrils cease their assault. Sakura relaxed visibly, and bit her lip, before standing up and turning around, walking to the hospital room. She passed by Kakashi and closed the door behind her, as Naruto stood back up and blinked at his sensei.

"You shrugged off my genjutsu," Kakashi observed. Naruto rubbed the back of his head, smirking slightly.

"Wasn't too powerful though."

"No, but it is one that you should have at least been caught by," Kakashi added, his eyes scrutinizing Naruto. The blond ninja shrugged, his smirk remaining in place.

"I'm just that awesome, sensei," Naruto returned. Kakashi frowned under his mask.

"Seems that way… Now then, get your Kage Bunshin patrolling outside. If anything sneaks in, at least we'll have some warning."

"Hai sensei," Naruto replied, quickly creating several clones and having them all flash away, mentally ordering them to split up their squads by at least double once outside. He turned back to see his sensei looking at the blond with his arms crossed over his chest, a serious look on his face.

"Er… Anything else, Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto inquired. Kakashi slapped his _Icha Icha_ twice against his vest, and Naruto stared at the orange book, blinking.

"There is something very important I've been meaning to discuss with you, Naruto," Kakashi stated gravely. Naruto blinked, before sighing.

"Look, if you want a signed copy-"

"Do I!" Kakashi squealed, disturbingly like a little schoolgirl, as he thrust a pen and the book under Naruto's nose. The blond sweatdropped, and shoved them away.

"Look! Kakashi-sensei, I didn't _write_ that! I mean, I _did_ write those… Stories, but not full of perverted junk! The perverted stuff didn't happen!" Kakashi blinked incredulously.

"Naruto."

Naruto gulped, as his sensei's aura took on a distinctively dark edge.

"You're telling me… That you walked in on Tsunami in the shower, and _didn't_ have mind-blowing sex with her?" Kakashi asked, eyebrow twitching slightly. Naruto coughed, and blushed.

"Uh, er… Um… I… I _did_ walk in on her in the shower, but-"

"Then are you gay?" Kakashi asked flatly. Naruto sputtered.

"W-WHAT?!"

"Only a gay man, or a retarded fool, would _not_ take such an opportunity offered him!" Kakashi declared dramatically, eerily resembling Gai in his pose. He furiously leafed through the book.

"Are you telling me that you _didn't_ take her against the shower wall, under the hot water as-"

"_NO! _I just walked in on her and fell into the tub, that's all I _swear!"_ Naruto half-screeched. Kakashi snorted, and flipped through the book to another chapter.

"You're telling me that you _didn't_ romance that Sand kunoichi Temari, sister of the Kazekage, at a desert oasis in the moonlight, with thousands of stars above highlighting your-"

"If she'd _bothered_ to watch where she was going, we wouldn't have ended up like… That…" Naruto shuddered. "Gaara nearly tore me to shreds and kept me in his gourd when he found us!"

"In the afterglow of-"

"NO! I just _fell_ on her! Seriously!"

"What about-?"

"Sasame walked in on _me,_ screamed, and ran out!" Naruto defended himself, incredibly red. Kakashi sighed, and looked forlornly down at the hard floor below their feet. Naruto gulped.

"Alas, Naruto… I can come to no other solution than…" Kakashi choked back a sob, as Naruto's eyes widened. The Copy Nin threw his hands up into the air.

"It's all my fault, Naruto! If only I'd given you the time and attention you needed! If only I'd seen that Sasuke was ill-suited to taking up my mantle as the Konoha Playboy! I can't believe I _wasted_ all that time on refining his _macking_ skills!" Naruto facefaulted, hanging his head in mortification. _God, why do I always get the crazy teachers?_

"But don't you worry, Naruto! I'll correct _all_ my mistakes! You'll see! The first lesson, straight from _Icha Icha Paradise_ Volume 5, is-" Naruto raised up his hands, shaking them wildly.

"Nonononono! Kakashi-sensei, it's okay! Really! I mean…" He just _knew_ he was going to regret this… "I was lying."

Kakashi looked at Naruto, blinking. "Hm?"

"I was lying! You see, I can't let it get out too far that Naruto Uzumaki is the _real_ Naruto Uzumaki in those stories, you see?" Naruto explained, smiling uneasily as inside his mind a chibi Naruto was beating his head against a wall. "I _knew_ I should have used a penname, but there have to be _plenty _of Uzumaki Narutos out there, right?"

Kakashi blinked. Naruto blinked back, still smiling… Before letting out an _oof!_ As Kakashi (once more) embraced him.

"I'm so proud of you, Naruto! I _knew_ I wasn't as terrible and neglectful a teacher as I thought! I _knew it!_" Kakashi fairly bawled. Naruto awkwardly patted Kakashi on the back, his inner self groaning and stating that they were completely doomed.

"So-!" Naruto sighed, pulled out a pen from his vest, and signed the book, highly disturbed by the image of Kakashi eagerly cradling the book to his chest and scampering off. Naruto rubbed his head… And then grinned as he felt some information come into his brain from a kage bunshin.

_Allright guys, go get 'em!_

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"This the place?" The Oto jounin gave an exasperated look to his subordinate, who chuckled and scratched the back of his head nervously.

"Considering that this is a _hospital,_ and the source said the bitches were taken here… _What do you think?!"_ The chuunin fell back on his butt, grimacing under his balaclava at the hard texture of the roof under his bottom.

"Sorry sir." The jounin sighed.

"Just shut up already, idiot! We need to slip in… Find where they're keeping them…"

"Ahem." The jounin glared at his subordinate.

"_WHAT?!"_ The chuunin gulped.

"I-I didn't… Say it," he mumbled, pointing shakily behind his superior. The jounin turned around. He blinked at the dozen black and orange-clad blond ninjas on the roof behind them. They were all grinning at the Sound nin unpleasantly, the afternoon sun glinting off their drawn kunai.

"Uh… Um… And to our left… Gentleman… Is the Tawny Town Eko Memorial Hospital," he began shakily. "Know for it's… Uh… Advanced medical… Stuff."

The shadow clones sighed as one, the leader shaking his head. "Seriously… You can do better than that." The Sound Nin stood up, drawing their own kunai.

"S-Stand back! I'm a jounin of the Sound Village! You can't possibly all take me on!" The Sound jounin declared. The twelve Narutos frowned. The lead one spoke.

"Maybe not… But I'm betting that _those_ guys can." The clone pointed behind the two Sound nin, and they turned their heads. At least two dozen additional shadow clones grinned and waved at them from the roof of the next building over.

"Uh oh…" the chuunin gulped.

"U!"

"ZU!"

"MA!"

"KI!"

"NARUTO RENDAN! THREE DOZEN COMBO!"

Both Sound nin didn't even have time to scream before they were beaten into unsightly pulps. The Kage Bunshin dropped both hapless ninja into a dumpster, before resuming their patrols.

- - - - - - - - - - -

As the shadows lengthened, Sakura looked out the window to sigh, before turning back to the bed of Rei Enkidu to check her vitals once more. The girl still smiled in her sleep, her last memory no doubt being of cuddling up to Naruto.

**Something we should be doing! Shannaro!** Cheered Inner Sakura. Outer Sakura sighed, and ignored her inner personality. She stood up and walked to the other two beds, holding the other two Sound missing-nin. She pushed aside the curtains concealing them from view, and shook her head.

_How can they look so alike…? Did Kin have sisters? Was she a quadruplet?_ It seemed unlikely. The autopsy on Kin's body should have revealed whether or not there was evidence of her belonging to such a large family. Certain chakra signatures that stayed with someone from the womb would confirm this, but the medical reports Sakura had studied had not indicated anything of the sort from the Sound kunoichi's body.

_Curiouser and curiouser,_ she thought, her own chakra-scans revealing that these nin had very different elemental sensitivities. This also wouldn't make sense with twins or siblings-Family lines often favored one elemental affinity over another, such as the Uchihas with fire.

_And yet… They look like part of one entire family,_ she mused, her gaze shifting from one nearly identical face to the next. A cold chill settled in the pit of her stomach, and she drew the drapes shut, walking over to a chair nearby Enkidu's bed and sitting down. She leaned back and looked up at the ceiling, sighing.

_Just what have we uncovered here…?_

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_I hope that was more satisfying than the last chapter. Don't worry Monster Maker, the Kyuubi will return with a vengeance next time!_

_Thank you all for your patience and reviews! I hope to surpass 150 with this post! Help me make it happen! It'll encourage me to update all the more faster!_


	17. Chapter 17

**Weapons of Old and New**

_Or, Not Another Super Naruto Story_

_(Really. It's Not.)_

_By Andrew J. Talon_

_Disclaimer: Oh, yeah. I SO own Naruto. That's why I have to bust my ass working at minimum wage to pay for college. Psh. Sure._

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Naruto sighed heavily, as the familiar surroundings of the Kyuubi's lair appeared around him. He looked up at the vile face of the fox demon towering above him, leering behind the bars of the seal.

"Damnit bastard fox, are you going to bring me here every time I go to sleep?"

The Kitsune chuckled darkly.

"**WHELP. OUR BUSINESS IS NOT CONCLUDED,"** the Kyuubi rumbled. Its leer seemed to grow. Naruto rolled his eyes.

"Fine. What the hell do you want, bastard?" The Kyuubi snorted.

"**I HAVE ONE ADDITIONAL REQUIREMENT FOR OUR DEAL, BRAT."**

"Yeah? What is it?" The Kyuubi snarled. Naruto grimaced.

"Look, I thought it was settled! In ten years, I let you out, and we fight. I don't see what the hell is so hard to understand about that!"

"**SIMPLE, BRAT. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE A BIGGER PROBLEM THAN THAT MUCH SOONER." **Naruto grimaced.

"Yeah, and what's that?"

"**ME!"** Naruto leapt away, a fist grazing the back of his head. Naruto backflipped, landing in a fighting stance Tusume had labeled the 'ape' position. Reserved for close-quarters grappling and using an opponent's strength against him.

Naruto gaped at his opponent, grinning back eerily.

"**What, Naruto-kun? Surprised to see me?" **The other figure asked, giggling slightly. "**Or surprised… To see you? Hm?"**

"You…" Naruto blinked, and rubbed his eyes. He jabbed an accusing finger at the Kyuubi, watching the two Narutos behind his cage with an impassive look.

"You! What the hell is this?!" Naruto's doppelganger laughed, his blue eyes flashing red.

"**DURING MY ATTEMPTS TO TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR FEEBLE MIND, BRAT, I WAS FORCED TO COPY YOUR CHAKRA COILS AND BRAIN PATHWAYS USING MY OWN CHAKRA,"** the Kyuubi stated flatly. He glared at the red-eyed Naruto, who stuck his tongue out at the fox demon impishly. "**WHEN THAT PLAN FAILED, YOU REMOVED THE CHAKRA PATHWAYS… BUT THIS REMAINED."** Now that Naruto _really_ looked at his copy, he could see the severe differences. The deeper-defined whisker marks, the spikier, rougher hair, and the nearly tangible aura of menace surrounding him.

"**Forget about the fleabag here, Naruto-kun,"** the doppelganger stated with a grin, his sharp teeth flashing in the dim light. The Kyuubi growled, but said nothing. "**We need to have a heart to heart…"**

Naruto gawked stupidly at his double, but quickly recovered. He was used to his Kage Bunshin, after all…

"**Ah, but I'm no mere Kage Bunshin, Naruto-kun!"** The other Naruto laughed. "**And don't bother looking shocked. Our minds are modeled the same way, after all."** Naruto gritted his teeth.

"Okay… Fine. What do you want?"

"**What do I want?"** The Other Naruto asked, looking aghast. "**What could I possibly want from you? Aside from, maybe…"** Other Naruto trailed off, looking away. Naruto blinked, and waved a hand.

"Maybe…?"

"**Maybe a little freedom," **Other Naruto grinned. "**After all, I've been cooped up in here with the bastard fox for a LOT longer than you have. I've _always_ been here. I just want to get out…"** Naruto glared.

"Hell no! I know enough about demonic chakra to know what it does to my mind! And you're fucking made of it!" Other Naruto sighed theatrically.

"**Aw… And here I thought we could be friends, Naruto-kuuun."** Other Naruto grinned. "**Not really! Why the hell would I want to associate with a weakling like you, hm?"** Naruto gaped, just before he automatically blocked a punch from his double. He tried to grab it and pull Other Naruto into a knee, but Other Naruto nimbly bent his legs up and kicked Naruto in the gut.

"GAH!" Naruto flew back, slamming into a wall with a crash. Other Naruto cackled.

"**Goddamnit! You know how long I've fucking had to put up with you, you weak bastard?! You idiot?! EVERY BATTLE!"** Other Naruto roared, leaping for Naruto and landing a kick where his head was scant moments ago. "**EVERY BATTLE I'VE WATCHED YOU! YOU SUCK!"** Naruto twisted around, throwing a kick at the back of his double's head, which his double easily blocked. Other Naruto lashed out with a knife strike, which Naruto slapped aside in preparation for a roundhouse kick, but Other Naruto merely laughed and caught Naruto's foot , throwing him into the Kyuubi's seal.

"DAMNIT!" Naruto cursed, slamming against the metal bars. He landed, using a judo slap to get rid of the potentially fatal momentum, before finding himself once more blocking and weaving away from Other Naruto's attacks.

"**You fucking weakling! Every time, EVERY TIME! If I'd been out, I'd have won easily! Zabuza… That crossdressing fag… Gaara… That pansy with the sword… That snake pedophile! And finally, FINALLY, that stupid son of a bitch Uchiha! I'd have feasted on that asshole's blood! Enjoyed every moment of it!"**

"HE'S MY FRIEND YOU BASTARD!" Naruto roared. He formed a handseal. "KAGE BUNSHIN NO JUTSU!"

A third Naruto appeared, and quickly held his hands over the original Naruto's. A flash of blue chakra later and a Rasengan was spiraling away. Naruto snarled and held it before him.

"**You pathetic coward! I could have killed him easily! EASILY!" **Other Naruto laughed, a scarlet Rasengan forming in his hand as he charged. Naruto retaliated, rushing forward. The two jutsus met, blasting against eachother as both nin struggled against their reflection. Other Naruto cackled.

"**MORON! YOU THINK YOU CAN STOP ME?!"** The Red Rasengan exploded, blowing apart Naruto's blue one and sending him flying back. He crashed into the wall, the stone spider webbing under the impact. With a groan, he slid down to the floor, blood dripping from his nose. Other Naruto cackled.

"**See? See, you idiot? Me, I'm beyond your power. I can destroy you without any effort, heh heh heh… Baka!"** Other Naruto was at Naruto's side in an instant, grabbing him by the throat and shoving him against the wall.

"**Bastard… I could destroy all your enemies with one blow! So just let me handle what's coming now, moron!"** Naruto gritted his teeth, as Other Naruto continued to laugh… Before grinning.

"Don't… Underestimate… Me… Bastard." Other Naruto blinked, before screaming at a Rasengan being shoved through his back.

"**AAAAAUUUUUGGGGGHHHHH! YOU BASTARD! YOU BAST-!"** Other Naruto dissipated, as Naruto smiled gratefully at the two Kage Bunshin now before him. They smiled back, before dispelling in twin poofs of smoke.

"**YOU… HAVE BEEN HOLDING BACK, WHELP?"** The Kyuubi rumbled. It's eyes narrowed as Naruto smirked.

"Yeah… Took me a while… But one-handed seals have a trick to them."

"**YOU JUST COMPLETE THE SEAL BY HAVING ONE HAND DO THE DIFFERENT PARTS OF THE SEAL RAPIDLY,**" the Kyuubi finished. He smirked. "**NOT BAD, WHELP… NOT BAD."** Naruto shook his head.

"Now, if you'll excuse me, Kyuubi-chan-"

"**JUST A MOMENT, BRAT. THAT'S NOT THE LAST YOU'LL BE SEEING OF YOUR DOUBLE,"** Kyuubi growled. Naruto frowned back.

"Why are you telling me this?"

"**BECAUSE, THAT FREAK WAS SUPPOSED TO BE UNDER MY CONTROL… BUT IT BROKE FREE. IT REBELED. IT WILL ONLY DESTROY EVERYTHING IN IT'S MADNESS… SOMETHING EVEN I DO NOT WISH. IF YOU DO NOT LEARN HOW TO CONTROL IT, IT WILL TAKE OVER. AND DESTROY EVERYTHING YOU CARE ABOUT."** Naruto sighed, seemingly nonchalant… But the Kyuubi could sense the cold, raw fear gripping the boy's heart.

"Great… So… I'm going to have to deal with _you_ and that thing?"

"**THAT IS THE REASON FOR THE MODIFICATION OF THE DEAL. I WILL HELP YOU AGAINST MY WAYWARD CREATION. OTHER THAN THAT… THE REST OF THE DEAL STANDS, SAVE FOR ME TEACHING YOU."** Naruto nodded.

"Well… Then… I'll just have to kick your tails the human way, won't I?" With that, Naruto left. Kyuubi smirked.

"**A MASTERFUL PERFORMANCE, NARUTO." **The red-eyed Naruto reappeared, grinning while sitting on the seal.

"**Thank you, Father…"** The Kyuubi snorted.

"**ENOUGH WITH THE TWO-FACING. ONLY I MAY ACT SO DECEITFULLY."** The Other Naruto smirked.

"**Fine, ya mangy bastard. Just remember, when he lets you out… I get his body. And Konoha."** The Kyuubi frowned.

"**JUST THAT PATHETIC VILLAGE?"** The Other Naruto cackled.

"**Idiot. That same village defeated you. And if you don't hold up YOUR end… I'll destroy you myself!"** Kyuubi growled, as Other Naruto smirked and continued:

"**It's your fault for using two tails to make me, idiot fox. You wasted so much chakra… So don't you dare try to stab me in the back, you bastard! Or him! He'll be part of me, someday…"** The Other Naruto vanished, leaving a brooding Kyuubi.

"**DAMNIT… THIS IS WHY I NEVER REPRODUCED…"**

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Hey pretty lady… Heh heh heh," grinned the Sound ninja. A flash of hand seals and he spat out a ball of flame. Sakura cursed, leaping up out of the way of the blast which blew out the door of the hospital room. She threw a fist, its chakra enhancement pulling her forward. The Sound nin gaped as her fist connected with his nose, sending him flying out the window. Sakura sighed, shaking her head.

"Naruto! Damnit! Aren't your Kage Bunshins supposed to be patrolling the area?"

A snore was her answer. Sakura's eyebrow twitched.

"DAMNIT NARUTO WAKE UP!"

_SMACK!_ Sakura found her punch deflected, as she fell onto Naruto. The blond glared at her, irritated, as though he didn't notice her body pressing against his.

"Sakura-chan, I'm sorry I missed one. _One._ But I've had my clones fighting at least _two dozen Sound ninja,_ and it's kind of a strain to keep my mind on them all at once!" With that, Naruto got up, and stalked over to the window. Sakura blinked.

"Naruto…" Naruto sighed and shook his head.

"Look… Just… Forget it, okay? I'm sorry. It won't happen again…" The blond looked out on the moonlit city, his face serious. Sakura frowned, and turned away.

"… Sorry." Naruto blinked, and turned around.

"Huh?" Sakura sighed.

"I'm sorry, okay? I overreacted. It's just-"

"Nah… its okay, Sakura-chan," Naruto waved it off, smiling slightly. "Really… Just… Bad dream, that's all." Sakura nodded, and blushed a bit before turning back from looking at Naruto. The blond blinked.

"Eh? Sakura-chan? You okay?"

"I'm fine… Just… Stop staring at me!" Sakura huffed, walking out of the room. She put the door back as it was, leaving a rather confused Naruto behind.

"Naruto… Sama…" Rei moaned in her forced-sleep. Naruto sweatdropped, and willed the sun to come up just a little faster.

High above, Kakashi grinned. This mission was nearly over, and when it was… The real fun would begin!

Sai, nearby Kakashi, just shook his head. _Normal ninja are weird…_

_- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -_

_Yes, the idea of Evil!Naruto is inspired by Bleach. Please, don't sue me. I'm just taking the story into a more "Naruto-ish" direction, but still keeping a James Bond-style background._

_NEXT TIME: Team Seven arrives safe and sound back in Konoha, where the Sound nin are taken into custody. Sai is debriefed by Danzo, as Tsunade begins to enact her EVIL PLAN. Between Danzo and Tsunade's scheming and the female interest he's garnered, will Naruto survive to see his next mission?_

_As always, review!_


	18. Chapter 18

**Weapons of Old and New**

_Or, Not Another Super Naruto Story_

_(Really. It's Not.)_

_By Andrew J. Talon_

_Disclaimer: Oh, yeah. I SO own Naruto. That's why I have to bust my ass working at minimum wage to pay for college. Psh. Sure._

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Gozu felt his lips bear of their own volition in a snarl, the sound masked by his rebreather. Next to him, his brother Meizu growled under his breath.

"It's them, allright," Gozu murmured, peering through the genjutsu out onto a secluded, mountainous road leading away from Tawney Town. A group of nin were walking calmly up it towards their position, some carrying what appeared to be unconscious kunoichi. "I'd recognize that blond anywhere…" Meizu groaned.

"_Again._ Honestly, why do you keep taking jobs for this damned brat?"

"Because the fact that we _survive_ seems to indicate that we are _competent,_" Gozu explained in a tired tone. "And that lets us get our reward."

"But we haven't killed the punk!"

"No, but in this case, we don't _need_ to," Gozu grumbled. "We just need to kill the bitches and get away."

"The brat's been trained by a sannin. You really think we can take him?" Meizu countered.

"Oh, like we've been slacking off these years? Have some goddamned balls you little wuss!"

"Yeah, seriously! Don't be a little pussy Meizu."

"Yeah, don't be a puss-Eh?" The genjutsu around them dissipated, and both Demon Brothers turned around. A cheerfully smiling Uzumaki Naruto waved at them from atop the boulder behind them.

"Hey guys! _Much_ better than last time. A bush is way less obvious than a puddle. I mean, seriously; this is the desert after all." The Demon brothers couldn't help but gawk behind their masks.

"So, what? Are you just going to stand there, or fight me?"

"YOU LITTLE BRAT!" Roared Gozu, throwing a punch with his clawed hand. Meizu attacked in tandem, uppercutting while his older brother struck from above. Naruto shifted to his right and caught Meizu's fist, bringing him into a knee while turning his back to Gozu. Gozu avoided ramming his claws through his brother's back at the last second, only to have his brother knocked back as Naruto flat-palm struck him in the nose.

"GAAAAAHHH!" Meizu roared, his nose bleeding profusely. Naruto delivered a roundhouse kick into Meizu's gut, sending both Demon brothers crashing into the ground violently.

"GYAH!" Gozu bellowed. Naruto sighed, and cracked his knuckles.

"Seriously guys… This is just pathetic. You're freaking _chuunin,_ and I'm kicking your asses so _easily."_

"SHUT UP YOU LITTLE SON OF A-!" Gozu shouted, shoving Meizu aside and whipping a chain at Naruto. The blond ninja ducked, pinning the chain to a boulder with a kunai, before crossing his arms over his chest. Gozu snarled and prepared to make hand seals.

"I wouldn't," said a cold voice to his right. The eldest Demon brother gulped, his eyes shifting to see a glowering Naruto on either side, kunai to his chest. Gozu grimaced.

"Well… Go ahead! Do it already?" Naruto sighed, shaking his head.

"Look, Gozu, Meizu… Oh, never mind, Meizu's unconscious. Look, I'm _not_ in the mood to fight more stupid missing nin hired by Snake Boy to do me in. So, how about this… I let you go, and you head off and I never see you again. Would that work for you?" Gozu blinked.

"Um… Well… Where's the rest of your team?"

"Them?" Naruto smirked. "They're already past here." He gestured down to the road, and several Naruto clones waved cheekily back. Gozu groaned.

"Yeah, I've got like, three groups of Kage Bunshin henged running around, decoying guys like you." Gozu blinked.

"Er… How many…?"

"Since we set out this morning? Like, a dozen." Naruto shook his head. "So yeah, its getting really tiresome." Gozu blinked.

"Your team doesn't fight with you?" Naruto shrugged, a little embarrassed.

"I'm still keeping my abilities hidden for the most part… Professional reasons." Naruto smiled. "Well, it's been fun, but I've got to go now. See ya!"

With that, Naruto leapt away, his Kage Bunshins vanishing into puffs of smoke. Gozu groaned, and sat down next to his still unconscious brother.

"I'm getting the feeling it's time to retire, brother…"

- - - - - - - - - - - -

"Naruto, that was an awfully long bathroom break," Kakashi noted, looking up from his _Icha Icha_. The silver-haired jounin was sitting on a log in a small clearing that Team 7 had decided to rest in. Sakura was checking over the unconscious Sound nin, while Sai ate a ration pack. Naruto shrugged and rubbed the back of his head sheepishly.

"Yeah, well, I had a big breakfast." Sakura rolled her eyes.

"Naruto, you don't have to pretend, you know," Sakura sighed. Naruto blinked.

"What do you mean by that, Sakura-chan?" Sakura smirked.

"It's obvious, Naruto… By now you keep rubbing your knuckles." Sakura put her gloved hands on her hips.

"You were off fighting missing nin without telling us, weren't you?"

Naruto froze. Kakashi smirked. Sai looked indifferent, as usual. Naruto glanced at Sai and mentally shook his head. _That guy's gotta be the least interesting person I've ever met… Oh yeah, current problem Naruto…_

"What? They were pathetic. I didn't think we had to break camp to take care of them," Naruto explained. Sakura growled, and cracked her knuckles ominously as she stalked towards the blond. Naruto gulped and laughed nervously.

"Seriously, Sakura-chan, what's with the scary look? … Sakura-chan?"

"Naruto, YOU DAMN IDIOT-WOULD YOU HOLD STILL?!" Sakura demanded, driving her fist into the ground and shattering a good portion of it, upturning various pieces of earth into a virtual pile of boulders and rock shards. Naruto balanced atop one, sweating nervously as Sakura shot him a nasty grin.

"I may not be able to hit _you,_ Naruto, but I sure as hell can hit _under _you!" The pink-haired kunoichi shouted, ramming another chakra-charged fist into the earth and sending the boulders (and Naruto) flying)

"GAAAAAAHHHH! SAKURA-CHAN!" Naruto shouted, landing on a tree branch-Only to leap off as Sakura rammed her fist through the tree itself, causing it to fall over.

"YOU IRRESPONSIBLE TWIT! GET BACK HERE!" Sakura roared, giving chase as Naruto ran for Konoha. Kakashi sighed, and turned to the Naruto clones currently holding Rei, Misa, and Yun. They shrugged as one.

"Sucks to be me," they chorused, grinning. Sai blinked.

"Exactly why does Haruno-san act so violently towards Uzumaki-san?" He asked. Kakashi shrugged, getting to his feet and tucking his book back into his vest.

"Sexual tension," Kakashi explained, as he followed the racket at a leisurely pace.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Naruto could see the gates of Konoha up ahead, and grinned happily. _Salvation! If anyone can calm Sakura-chan down-!_

"NARUUUUTOOOOO!" Sakura bellowed, keeping pace with him only a few meters behind him. He grimaced as he leapt above yet another of her earth-shattering strikes, wondering if Sakura had ever considered a career in landscaping.

"Seriously Sakura-chan! I just didn't think you wanted to have to fight-WAH!" Naruto ducked as Sakura had apparently switched her ammo to trees. A rather fine oak flew over his head, crashing into a small pond outside of the village walls. Naruto groaned.

"Sakura-chan, would you just-?"

"If you'd just HOLD STILL FOR ONE SECOND!" Sakura roared, leaping forward and landing with her feet positioned at an angle towards him. _BOOM!_ A concentrated wave of seismic energy rippled through the ground, knocking Naruto off his feet and into the air.

"HOOOOLLLYYYYY SSHHHHHIIIIITTTTT-!" Naruto yelped, as he flew straight over the village walls. Sakura smirked, breathing heavily, as a distant-sounding crash reached her ears. With that, she stretched her arms up over her head and walked leisurely the rest of the way to the gates.

**Damnit you idiot! Now he'll never go out with us!** Inner Sakura groused. **Unless he's into pain!**

Sakura rolled her eyes. _You are so annoying… Besides, he'd never forsake me!_

**Oi… You give ME a headache, you know?**

- - - - - - - - - - - -

"_Ow…_ Sakura's got some nice legs," Naruto muttered, rubbing the side of his head. A quick link to his Kage Bunshins confirmed that they were still carrying the Sound Triplets (as he'd mentally dubbed them), and Kakashi and Sai were leading them to a spot outside the village walls for pickup by ANBU. Naruto felt a little bad about not saying goodbye to Rei, but turning a girl into his sex slave thanks to his mere presence… Unsettled him.

The fact that the Kyuubi's presence in his mind increased near her also didn't help. He stood up, looking over the busted crates in the alley he'd landed in, and took off for the rooftops, headed for the Hokage's tower.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

"… And we arrived back here," Kakashi concluded, as Naruto landed in Tsunade's office. Kakashi turned around, flanked by Sakura and Sai. Naruto blinked.

"You're late," Sakura teased. Naruto blinked again.

"How did you…?"

"Shortcut," Kakashi answered. Tsunade was trying (and failing) to not smile at the humorous reversal. She looked over a few file and nodded.

"Excellent work, Team Seven. Nice to see you back in the saddle," Tsunade said. "You're free for the rest of the day. Except for you, Naruto." Naruto sighed heavily, as Sai shuffled out of the office. Kakashi went out, smirking at him. Sakura at least left him a smile, before she too left the office. Tsunade raised her brows at Naruto.

"So? How'd it go?"

"Aside from… Some complications with this guy," Naruto stated, pointing at his stomach. "To plan." Naruto sighed and rubbed the back of his head. "Snake Boy sent at least fifty nin after the Triplets." Tsunade frowned.

"Curious… He'd expend so much effort, and yet according to Kakashi, none of them posed any threat. Most weren't even in the Bingo Book."

"Aside from the Demon Brothers," Naruto offered. "But then, they're pretty pathetic to begin with." Tsunade sighed.

"Either he decided to try and swamp you, or…"

"He didn't care if we got them or not?" Naruto suggested. Tsunade's frown deepened.

"That's another possibility… But why, I have no idea. Also, the fact that all three girls are so close to eachother in appearance and chakra capacity. We're running a DNA check on them but it won't be complete until tomorrow." Naruto nodded, and his eyes darted about.

"No Sourpuss today?"

"He's at his personal retreat," Tsunade snorted. "Buttering up members of the council as usual." Naruto smirked.

"Yeah well, considering the quality of his operatives I wouldn't worry. Sai's a freaking dumbass! He didn't help at all!" Tsunade frowned.

"Strange… Sai is supposedly one of the up and coming members of ANBU." Naruto shrugged, looking a bit sheepish.

"Er, well… Obviously, compared to _me_ he's an amateur, and Sakura-chan. Sakura-chan can _fight_ at least." Tsunade shrugged back, sipping some sake from a bowl on her desk. She grimaced at how cold it had become, before sighing.

"This entire mission, from the outset, stunk," she declared. "There are just too many unanswered questions. But, until we get more we're forced to wait." Tsunade smiled at Naruto. "In the meantime, I've got a few errands for you to run."

"Errands? Don't you have aides for that kind of stuff?" Naruto asked, affronted. Tsunade smirked, and pulled out several scrolls from her desk.

"Honestly Naruto, you should get used to paperwork before you become Hokage. Otherwise it will kill you when you hit office. Now, just take these scrolls to the marked addresses." Naruto sighed, and grudgingly took them.

"Fine, fine. But you owe me, Baa-chan," he smirked, before darting out the window. Tsunade smirked, before letting out an evil cackle.

"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_Next chapter: Naruto makes his rounds, sending Konoha into an uproar. Meanwhile, Danzo meets with some familiar faces…_


	19. Chapter 19

**Weapons of Old and New**

_Or, Not Another Super Naruto Story_

_(Really. It's Not.)_

_By Andrew J. Talon_

_Disclaimer: Oh, yeah. I SO own Naruto. That's why I have to bust my ass working at minimum wage to pay for college. Psh. Sure._

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"You can come out now," Tsunade stated flatly as she reshuffled papers on her desk. The window still swung slightly from Naruto's departure. Jiraiya swung in, smirking knowingly at the blonde.

"Ah, glad to know that that jutsu still conceals me from Naruto." Jiraiya shook his head as Tsunade rolled her eyes.

"He can't right now, but with that training of his… You do know who it was, right?" Jiraiya nodded with an expression between pride and irritation. Tsunade had to admit it was rather endearing on his wrinkled face.

"Tusume Andoryuu. Section Six." Jiraiya frowned, as did Tsunade.

"I take it Danzo recruited him?" Tsunade nodded in response.

"Did you purposely leave him in that town to train with him? Surely you knew Tusume had retired there… His family estate." Jiraiya chuckled.

"I'm sure you're aware that you're talking about a _Zero_, and in particular _Nighthawk._ He lacked our raw power, but there's no doubt in my mind he was more than a match for me in his prime." Tsunade nodded, sighing.

"So, give me a brief summary on Naruto's training." Jiraiya grinned.

"For my own, I taught him how to draw out up to _three_ tails of the Kyuubi's chakra and maintain control. Not to mention some variations on the Rasengan, though he still uses a Kage Bunshin to create one."

"Why?" Tsunade asked. Jiraiya shrugged.

"Force of habit, I'm guessing, but judging by his chakra control and the new version of the Rasengan he himself created, he can easily make one by himself now. Hell, as far as I'm concerned, he could make _two_, one in each hand without any trouble." Tsunade nodded thoughtfully, and motioned Jiraiya to continue.

"He can control which frogs he summons now, and I've taught him how to fight with several of them. His natural chakra reserves have doubled at least, and his build and stamina have been increased as well." Tsunade bit her lip.

"I see… And Tusume's training?" Jiraiya shrugged.

"Well, one facet of it is to conceal one's true abilities, so I don't know everything. But, it's very apparent that his stealth, chakra control, and taijutsu have all been improved by an order of magnitude." Tsunade raised an eyebrow.

"An order of magnitude? Jiraiya, how can you know this if you haven't-?"

"He knocked the wind out of me." Tsunade blinked. Jiraiya's face held no mischief, no indication of a joke.

"He _what?"_

"Caught me when I was launching a full speed strike," Jiraiya nodded. "Obviously I wasn't going to hit him with full force-Just get in close enough to take him down-But he _caught_ me in mid air and slammed me into the ground hard enough to knock the wind out of me. I was literally dazed." Tsunade gawked.

"How… How did he get so strong?! From what I know, a chakra control master like Tusume would have known how to increase his strength, but…" Jiraiya shook his head.

"There was no real strength enhancement involved here, Tsunade. The replay, as it were, showed that he used his chakra alongside his natural strength (which isn't inconsiderable) to redirect the force of my blow. He hit me with my own power." Jiraiya grinned.

"He acted instinctively, too-And blocked my next punch without any real effort." Tsunade's eyes seemed to widen even more… Before a more thoughtful expression took over her face, her fingers steepling in front of her mouth.

"I see… Jiraiya. Observe Naruto closely from now on, and step up the training for him." Tsunade smirked. "If he's _this_ good already, then I want to get his skill level up as high as possible for his next mission." Jiraiya nodded, and leapt out the window of the office, leaving Tsunade to resume her paperwork…

For five seconds. After that, she whipped out the Third's crystal ball and locked onto Naruto. She smirked as she saw him leave his apartment and head for the Hyuuga compound.

"This is going to be good," the Hokage cackled.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

A quick shower and change of clothes at home saw Naruto leaping across the rooftops, dressed in his now-preferred black pants, orange shirt, and black jacket combo. His forehead protector was once more shoved into his pocket, a habit Tusume had drilled into the blond's head.

"_Hey, they'll know where you're from if they kill you, right?"_ Naruto's memory echoed. The blond smirked and shook his head. He'd seen his headband as a mark of honor, showing that he wasn't useless nor was he a demon like the villagers had felt. But, in memory of the Old Man, he decided to keep it concealed for now.

The first stop on the scrolls to be delivered list was the Hyuuga compound, and Naruto grinned a little at the fact that it was addressed to Hinata.

_Cool! I finally get to spend some time with a girl who isn't psychotic or trying to jump my bones every five seconds!_

At that moment, in the Hyuuga compound courtyard…

"Hinata-sama?! What are you wearing?!" Hinata turned around, giving Neji a slightly embarrassed look.

"Ano… Neji-nii-chan… I um… D-Decided t-to borrow, um… One of K-K-Kurenai-sensei's outf-fits?" Hinata stammered. Neji's pale eyes widened as he took in his cousin's new choice of wardrobe.

She wore a much shorter and racier version of her old fur-lined jacket, over a collection of plain white wrappings that barely had the right to be called a dress. Her long, blue hair had been fluffed up and curled into a main almost identical to that of her sensei's. The "dress" was very tight and held Hinata's breasts together as though they were peeking out behind the fabric. She blushed heavily, holding her hands against her belly in a slightly distraught fashion. Neji felt an instinctive desire to move closer to Hinata, to hold her and-

"Has… Hiashi-sama… Seen you in _that thing?"_ Neji demanded. Hinata held up her hands beseechingly.

"P-P-Please, Neji-sama! I j-just want t-to look g-g-good for N-Naru-!"

"Yo guys! What's up?" Hinata and Neji turned to the source of the interruption-A widely grinning Naruto… Whose grin faded slightly as he took in Hinata's attire. His cheeks turned red.

"Um… Er… H-Hey, Hinata-chan… Neji," Naruto added as an afterthought. His eyes kept wanting to drift _down,_ but his mind kept saying _Face! Face!_

Neji gawked as Hinata froze. Naruto blinked.

"Er… I've got a scroll, for you, Hinata-chan…" Naruto approached Hinata, who coughed slightly. Naruto's face turned even _redder_ from what it did to her chest.

"Oh! Um… T-Thankyou, N-Naruto... Kun…" She stammered. Naruto blinked, and looked between Neji and Hinata.

"Er… So… What's the occasion?" Naruto asked. "Um… The nice dress and all that?" Hinata twiddled her fingers.

"Ano… I-I wanted to try, um, s-something new, N-Naruto-kun. W-What do you th-think?" Hinata asked shyly, twirling about slightly. Naruto grinned, feeling himself on more familiar ground, as Neji quickly collected himself.

"Ahem… Naruto."

"Wow Hinata, it looks great! I mean, every guy in Konoha is going to be following you around!" Naruto complimented.

"Naruto," Neji tried again. Hinata blushed even harder, smiling at Naruto.

"Y-Y-You really t-think so?" She asked. Naruto nodded enthusiastically.

"Definitely! It's a great change! I mean, you looked great before, but-"

"Naruto," Neji hissed, unleashing some killing intent. Naruto blinked, and turned to Neji. He smiled sheepishly.

"Er… Hi Neji."

"You said you had a scroll to deliver, yes?" Neji asked stiffly. Naruto nodded, holding it up.

"Yeah. It's for Hinata-chan… Here you go!" Naruto smiled, handing her the scroll. Their hands brushed against eachother, causing Hinata to blush even harder and Naruto to frown.

"Er, Hinata-chan? You okay? You don't sound-Look so good," Naruto amended, not wanting to reveal just _how_ good his hearing was. He put a hand to her forehead. "Are you running a fever?"

_Calm down, calm down! C'mon, you dressed up for him! Say something!_ Inner Hinata yelled. Hinata took a deep breath.

"Ano… N-Naruto-kun? I w-wanted to ask you, t-to, um…"

"Yes?" Naruto asked, smiling. Neji growled, and Naruto turned his head and blinked.

"Er, Neji? Something wrong?"

"Naruto," Neji said with an odd smile. "I'd like to spar with you, actually."

"Right now?" Naruto asked.

"Right now."

"Um, but shouldn't we get Hinata-chan checked out? She doesn't look so-"

"She's fine, she does this all the time. She's anemic," Neji quickly explained, leading Hinata to gasp.

"N-N-No no no! I'm n-not anemic! I j-just-!"

"Oh dear, she's delirious now," Neji went on smoothly, pulling Hinata from Naruto's grasp and setting her down on her favorite bench. He turned back to Naruto, brushing off his white Hyuuga clan robes, still smiling oddly. Naruto gulped, detecting the hormones and sounds coming from Neji to indicate that he was _not happy._

"Er… You know Neji, you look a lot like your uncle when you're angry," Naruto pointed out. His inner self howled _Stupid Stupid Stupid!_ Neji's smile grew a bit more.

"Oh, I do, do I? _Byakugan!"_ With that, Neji lashed out, a chakra-charged fist racing for Naruto's chest. The blond evaded, Neji's next strikes coming faster and faster. Remembering what had happened the last time he fought Neji, Naruto slipped into a simple forward-set fighting stance and struck back; hitting Neji's wrists to deflect his attacks.

"Neji! What did I do?!" Naruto asked, ducking as Neji swung around in an attempt to catch Naruto in the neck with a chakra-charged knife strike. Naruto tried to sweep Neji's legs out from under him but the Hyuuga jounin evaded, his graceful footwork avoiding the sweep and thrusting one hand down at Naruto's face. Naruto rolled back, curling into a ball before rapidly unfolding back into the loose fighting stance he'd been using. Neji raised an eyebrow, his rage being replaced by curiosity.

"You've improved a great deal since our last battle," he noted. Naruto shrugged and grinned.

"You too."

"What is the name of that fighting style?" Neji asked, a quick burst of speed forward bringing him and his deadly fingers once more lashing upon Naruto. Naruto kept to his first stance, deflecting Neji's strikes the same way before launching several low kicks, all of which Neji handily evaded.

"Jeet Kun Do," Naruto replied. Neji nodded thoughtfully, twirling around one of Naruto's lunge punches and targeting the base of Naruto's neck. Naruto tumbled forward again, righting himself back on his feet, ready to fight once more.

Hinata watched, her fear at her cousin's rage against Naruto now turning to fascination as the battle progressed.

_Mmm… Naruto-kun is so… Flexible,_ Inner Hinata observed, drooling mentally. Hinata's semi-permanent blush when around Naruto darkened just a bit more as she continued to watch.

"'Way of the Intercepting Fist'? Intriguing," Neji replied. "You block other's strikes with attacks of your own, or simply evade. It is a very loose, adaptable style, this much is certain. You do not rely heavily on the legs, like with the Jyuuken, but do not rely on a strict footwork plan." Neji nodded. "I approve."

"Er… Thanks," Naruto returned, shrugging with a sheepish smile. Neji smirked.

"However… There are always ways around a certain fighting style." Neji came forward once more, his strikes even faster than before. Naruto kept moving about, letting the pressure of Neji's chakra against his senses allow him to move naturally. Even so, Neji was learning to redirect his strikes quickly after their being knocked away, and each blow was getting closer and closer to Naruto's tenketsu.

"For instance," Neji spoke again at last, "While your movements are loose and natural, it is possible to-" Neji paused, and Naruto's chakra senses seemed to indicate an attack from behind as Neji's spiritual energy shifted, but instead he ducked down and slammed one chakra-charged fist into Naruto's stomach.

"Damnit!" Naruto cursed, falling backwards and rolling away, struggling back up to his feet. Neji eyed him with a slight smirk.

"To deceive you, by throwing my chakra system's balance off to one side," Neji finished. Naruto coughed, grimacing, as Hinata hurried over.

"N-Naruto-kun? Are you allright?" Naruto grinned.

"Heh… I'm fine. It was… Educational." Naruto got up, still wincing. _Looks like Neji wasn't kidding around here…_

"A-Are you s-sure you d-d-don't need to c-come in?" Hinata asked, blushing. Naruto shook his head.

"Sorry, the old hag's making me deliver these scrolls. Anyway, talk to you later, Hinata. Neji! Can we spar sometime again?" Neji nodded, as Naruto grinned.

"Cool. Later!" And with that, Naruto was gone, leaving a smirking Neji and happy (but rather disappointed) Hinata behind.

"… D-D-Damnit," Hinata cursed, before blushing and slapping her hands over her mouth. Neji sighed, and turned to go back into the compound.

_Damnit! Damnit! Damnit! _Inner Hinata pouted. _Stupid Neji-nii-chan! _

_I'll get him next time,_ Hinata promised her inner self, brushing some imaginary dust from her outfit. And now, she felt she was strong enough to determine _when_ and _where_ that next time would be.

Neji's thoughts were also on Naruto, as he walked through the compound halls and nodded to Branch members on his way to his room. On one hand, he'd gotten some revenge on Uzumaki for writing that damned book. On the other, he'd grown a lot stronger, which intrigued the Hyuuga prodigy. He had clearly changed much more than Neji had originally suspected, and Neji was hoping to fight and learn more of the supposed 'dead-last's' new tricks.

However… Hinata-sama's dressing up had been for fairly obvious reasons, and Neji couldn't help but sigh.

_The more things change,_ he mused. While he was rather happy that Naruto was not aware of his cousin's intentions, it did leave Hinata-sama in an awkward position. Not to mention an unhappy one.

_Hinata-sama's happiness… My peace of mind… Hinata-sama's happiness… My peace of mind…?_

A sudden thought occurred. _Hiashi-sama would be furious if he learned Naruto was courting Hinata._

Once more, the rarely seen but always scary Neji Hyuuga Evil Smile © appeared. Hyuugas of both houses in range felt a terrible sense of impending doom

_Hinata-sama's happiness it is…_

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

Danzo sipped his sake, looking out over the mountain lake bordering his elegant home. It was constructed in a more Western-fashion than other Konoha residences, stone and wood arranged into a church-like mansion, complete with towers and large windows.

"So… The sisters have been captured?" His guest asked, sitting nearby in a lounge chair matching Danzo's own. The head of ANBU nodded, taking another sip of the expensive alcohol. His guest had no drink. Danzo wanted to make sure the man knew where he stood in this negotiation.

"Good."

"When will the Uchiha be ready?" Danzo asked. His guest smirked, round glasses reflecting the midday sun.

"One more week, and his current training will be complete. Orochimaru-sama will have him at the new railroad a day after." Danzo smirked.

"And the sisters will provide this intel?"

"Easily," his guest reassured him. Danzo nodded, taking another sip, before standing up.

"My other guests are arriving. I suggest you depart." The man's smirk widened, eyes laughing in twisted amusement. Not for the first time, Danzo felt appalled at having to work with such trash… But, in his mind the ends justified the means, and Konoha would be better for it when they came to fruition.

"Indeed. Mustn't keep the Ruling Council waiting…" With a final cruel laugh, the gray-haired man vanished, leaving Danzo to finish the statement.

"… For a traitor."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_Neji the Matchmaker… Scary thought, no? Heh heh heh…_

_Jeet Kune Do is a real martial arts style, created by the late great Bruce Lee. I myself practice it, mainly for exercise._

_Next time: Naruto drops off scrolls at Anko's… Poor Naruto. Assuming he survives that, he heads to deliver one to Tenten… Dun dun dunnn! Then, we catch back up with Akatsuki-Just how is their prisoner resisting them still, and what information does he hold that they need?_

_As always, review! Tell me your thoughts on the story, how to make it better, and what direction to take it in! I'm flexible in how it goes, and make no mistake-It's going to be going for a while._


	20. Chapter 20

**Weapons of Old and New**

_Or, Not Another Super Naruto Story_

_(Really. It's Not.)_

_By Andrew J. Talon_

_Disclaimer: Oh, yeah. I SO own Naruto. That's why I have to bust my ass working at minimum wage to pay for college. Psh. Sure._

_Warning! This fanfiction is now rated "M" for Mature! That means there will be more violence, more blood, more cursing, and sexual content. So if you're not mature enough to handle that kind of stuff, kindly hit the back button now. _

_Everyone else, full speed ahead!_

_And yes, this fic is technically an AU of the current Naruto anime, but who cares? It's fanfiction!_

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Naruto tried to keep the image of Hinata dressed in that outfit out of his head as he roof-hopped away from the Hyuuga compound. His blush kept creeping back up into his whiskered cheeks.

_Okay, okay, focus…Who's next?_ Naruto checked the next scroll's address… Before wincing.

_Oh boy…_

Mitarashi Anko was known throughout Konoha as the former pupil of Orochimaru. The fact that she'd been experimented on, mistreated, and abandoned by him did not really register much in the minds of the villagers. The fact that she was associated with Orochimaru at all was enough to gain the distrust and animosity of most of the village. In this, Naruto felt a certain kinship with the special jounin.

He'd been to her house only once, after a mission under her command, with this kinship in mind. Upon recalling the memory, his eye developed a slight tic while his face turned red.

_Well, this'll be… Interesting…_

Our blond hero soon arrives at the apartment building Anko lives in. It's well kept and maintained, but sits in one of the seedier parts of the village, pawn shops and bars littering the area. Slipping into the building, he walked up the stairs to the top floor. He eyes the apartment door in question at the end of the hallway, and takes a deep breath.

_Courage, man, courage,_ he tells himself, as he slowly approaches. He's finally facing the door, and bites his lower lip.

_Please don't let her greet me naked… Again,_ he groans mentally, before knocking on the door once. He waits a few seconds and smiles nervously. A chakra signature that's pretty obviously being hidden is approaching. _Aw shit… Maybe she'll leave me alone if I pretend not to know she's there…?_

_Are you kidding?!_ His inner self screams. _She LOVES the thrill of the hunt!_

"Why hello, _Naruto-kun,_" purred a familiar voice behind him. Biting back what would _probably _have been a _very_ girly scream (though no where near as girly as Sasuke's would have been in the same situation, he assures himself), Naruto turns around.

He found himself staring into warm, narrowed brown eyes. Anko Mitarashi smirked sexily at him, arms crossed under her breasts as she eyed him in a _hungry_ manner.

"Uh… Um… Hello, Anko-sensei," Naruto returned with a slight smile. Anko grinned.

"Is that for me?" She asked, her fingers running along the scroll in his hand and lightly, teasingly stroking his fingers. Naruto managed not to gulp audibly.

"Er, yes, yes it is…" Anko's smile became positively _predatory._

"Would you like to come inside and give it to me?" She asked sweetly.

_DAMN YOU INNUENDO!_ His inner self screamed, as he shook his head politely.

"Um, Anko-sensei, I do need to deliver more and-"

"Uh uh," Anko smirked. "I'm not letting you go. Not after what I've read." Naruto gulped as Anko pushed him into the apartment door. It fell down behind him and he yelped as Anko pounced.

"WAAAAHHHHH!"

"COME TO MOMMA, NARU-BABY!" Naruto kicked himself away, sliding along the wooden floor of the apartment as Anko crashed on the door. She was up in a flash and throwing kunai, which he quickly blocked with his own weapon. The special jounin smirked sexily, shrugging off her trenchcoat and twirling another kunai on her finger.

"Come now, Naru-chan… You can't tell me you aren't suffering from a lack of _release,_ can you? Let an _experienced _woman show you around," she crooned, Naruto blushing like mad. She sauntered towards him, every step causing her… assets… to bounce enticingly.

_Shit, shit, shit, shit on a cracker! What do I do?!_

**BRAT.**

_WHAT?! NOT NOW! What the hell do you want, bastard fox?_

**YOU SEEM TO BE IN THIS SITUATION A LOT. SHALL I HELP AGAIN?**

_NO THANK YOU, BASTARD!_

"Don't bother resisting, Naru-chan," Anko teased, her leather skirt slipping off as she kicked her boots and shin guards away. With her bare foot, she gripped the edge of the door with her toes and kicked it back into place. Naruto sweatdropped as she advanced, now only clothed (if you could _call_ it that) in a full-mesh body sock. Her nipples were clearly visible and pebbled (which did bring Naruto some manly pride), while her entire body seemed to glisten slightly with sweat. She undid her hair, letting it fall messily over her scalp as she grinned naughtily at him.

"Now then… Would you prefer to be on top first? Or should we skip right to the fun part?" She asked. Naruto gulped.

"Fun part?" Her eyes darted to a set of whips on the wall. Naruto sighed.

"Anko-sensei, I'm really sorry about this, but-HOLY SHIT! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!" Anko blinked and instinctively looked… Only to see a dartboard with a _very_ detailed sketch of a mangled and bloody Orochimaru on it. Numerous senbon and kunai were imbedded in. Anko shrugged.

"Oh, that's just-Eh?" Anko blinked. Naruto had vanished. She smirked.

"Good! I _enjoy_ some challenge!" She purred, before hearing Naruto's voice shout:

"_RASENGAN!"_

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Ichiraku Ayame sighed, rubbing her shoulder with a wince. Her trip to her aunt's had been _pretty_ enjoyable, all things considered, but her relative's constant harping about her still unmarried wore thin.

_Can I help it if the only men I'm interested in, have _no_ interest in me?_ She thought irritably. Umino Iruka was a nice enough man, but too devoted to his work. Hatake Kakashi may have been drop-dead gorgeous behind the mask, but he too was a shinobi. What was more, his irresponsible approach to teaching Naruto had really _grated_ on her.

Uzumaki Naruto. A smile came to her face the instant that name appeared in her mind. She'd watched him grow up, ever since the Hokage had first treated the little blond scamp to ramen all those years ago. When he couldn't pay for all his ramen, he'd sometimes helped out in the stand-Washing dishes with her. They'd laughed and joked and played, and to Ayame Naruto had never seemed like the demon the villagers called him.

She knew, all too well she reflected as she walked through the lower commerce section of the village, the raw terror the Kyuubi had cast upon the village. The terror, the pain of losing her mother to the beast. Ayame was no fool-She'd made the connection between the original declaration of the child the Yondaime had sealed the fox into and Naruto when she was _seven._ But the demon and the boy were forever different entities in her mind.

With the Kyuubi was fear, pain, death, and horror. With Naruto it was always happiness, encouragement, joy… She sighed happily in her nostalgia, passing by a few apartment complexes. _I wonder what Naruto's up to anyway? I haven't seen him in so long…_

_KABOOM!_ Ayame shrieked and ducked her head instinctively. Numerous civilians ran and panicked as one of the upper floors of an apartment exploded. She looked up just in time to see a particularly large, black, orange, and yellow object falling right for her.

"LOOK OUT BELOW!" It shouted, twisting in mid-air before landing right next to her. Ayame's shock was only increased as the man grabbed her hand and ran.

"H-H-Hey! What the hell is-?!" Ayame gasped as the blond man looked back at her.

"Sorry about-Ayame-nee-chan?! Are you okay? Um, long time no see and-"

"NARU-CHAN!" Shrieked a barely-clad, purple-haired woman who was falling down on them.

"OH SHIT!" Naruto shouted. He yanked Ayame onto his back and took off at full speed.

"N-N-NARUTO?!"

"Sorry about this Ayame-nee-chan! Hang on!" Naruto leapt up to the rooftops and zig-zagged like crazy, a terrified Ayame on his back and a gleeful Anko chasing him.

And inside the seal, the Kyuubi cackled evilly.

**_THIS IS THE MOST FUN I'VE HAD IN DECADES_…** It thought to itself.

The ANBU currently watching the spectacle sighed and shook their heads.

"Screw this… I cleaned up the _last_ rampage she went on!"

"Well I'm not going to tell Hokage-sama that we did nothing!"

"… Rock paper scissors?"

"Hell no, you always cheat."

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In a dark, forboding cavern that served as the Akatsuki's headquarters, a dark figure stood just out of a spotlight. He was clothed in the same black cloaks with red clouds as his fellow members, but his face was ever concealed in the darkness.

About half the Akatsuki members were represented physically, while the others were absent or being astral-projected.

In the center of the spotlight, an old man in rags was shoved forward, slumping to the ground while wheezing.

"Tusume Andoryou," the leader spoke. "It has been too long." The old man looked up at the Akatsuki leader with a mocking smirk.

"Sorry boyo, but I don't know you. Not even the voice." The leader shrugged indifferently.

"It matters not… Who I was, no longer exists…" Tusume rolled his eyes.

"Yes, yes, can we cut the dramatics already?" The old man coughed violently, raggedly, as his time of confinement had taken its toll.

"Defiant to the last, I see," the leader observed. "It is said the Nighthawk could never be broken. You always escaped, or stayed silent until rescue arrived. Every mission you undertook, you accomplished…"

"Do you like hearing yourself talk?" Tusume snorted. The Akatsuki leader sighed.

"Very well… I will get to the point. We faked your death, and kept you here, for fairly obvious reasons. Of all the summoners of the elemental nations, you alone were able to summon the Beast of Holding. The one weapon that would have allowed Konoha to reign supreme by capturing the Bijuu. And yet… You did not use it." Tusume snorted.

"If you know that, then you probably know the price to be paid each time for summoning it," the old Zero retorted. The Akatsuki leader nodded.

"It drains away some of your lifeforce each time, doesn't it? Which is the real reason for your appearance. Just how _old_ are you, anyway Tusume? Fifty? Sixty? And yet, here you are, decrepit… I could take that away, you know."

"Not interested," Tusume returned. The leader shook his head.

"Here is the quandary I am in. I would use the summoning myself, but my lifeforce will be completely drained before every Biju is captured. And if we force you to do it as you are now, you won't survive. So, I've considered giving you a little… Gift. And I think you have great incentive to take it." A blond Akatsuki member and a large, masked one came forward, a lithe girl in their clutches. Wrapped up in wire like a cocoon, she was tossed into the spotlight next to Tusume. She snarled.

"You bastards! What the hell did you do to the rest of my team?!" Her brown haired had originally been up in buns, but where now loose from the violence of her capture.

"They escaped, Leader," the large Akatsuki member stated. "They will take this news to Konoha and send out their ANBU into Wave Country, as planned."

"Excellent," the leader said. "Tenten, of the Village Hidden in the Leaves… Allow me to introduce you to your father… Tusume Andoryou."

Weapons mistress and former Zero stared at eachother for a few moments. Tusume smiled nervously.

"Uh… Heh… Sooo… Those kunai I sent you for your birthday… Like them?"

"…"

"… I could get you new ones?"

"…"

"… Crap."

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_Hey, what spy movie would be complete without someone faking their deaths? Anyway, next chapter will not be complete for a while (again), but sit tight and feel free to make suggestions. And yes, it is AU. Very AU. It's fanfiction._

_R&R!_


	21. Chapter 21

**Weapons of Old and New**

_Or, Not Another Super Naruto Story_

_(Really. It's Not.)_

_By Andrew J. Talon_

_Disclaimer: Oh, yeah. I SO own Naruto. That's why I have to bust my ass working at minimum wage to pay for college. Psh. Sure._

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"NARRUUUUUU-CHAAAANNNNN!!!"

Naruto was only a partial believer in God (a small church set up by people from the West had been the only religious place he could go without being chased out), but he found himself cursing the deity for turning his life into a comedy of errors.

"Naruto! Exactly how did you get into this situation?" Ayame asked, warm breath tickling his ear as her bosom pushed into his back. Naruto managed not to blush too much at this. I mean, it was _Ayame-nee-chan!_ She was practically his big sister!

"It's a long story… Let's just say I need to make Ero-Sennin _very_ dead when this is over," Naruto replied, hopping from telephone pole to telephone pole so smoothly Ayame barely felt any shock.

"NARU-CHAN! GET BACK HERE DAMN YOU!" Anko shrieked again, swiftly catching up to them on the ground. Naruto gulped… And smirked.

"_KAGE BUNSHIN NO JUTSU!"_ Naruto bellowed, and two dozen of his clones appeared like a halo around his head. They fell back to Earth and assumed a fighting formation as the sex-crazed kunoichi approached.

"GOOD LUCK GUYS!" The original yelled. Among the Kage Bunshins, one's eyes flared red very briefly. He smirked.

"Oi, fellas-Since we're going to go 'poof' anyway, I don't think I want to die a virgin, do you?" The other Shadow Clones looked at eachother… Before shrugging and turning back to Anko with smiles.

"Oooh! A gangbang? Naru-chan, you shouldn't have!" The red-eyed clone smirked.

"I know," he purred confidently.

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"I don't hear a lot of fighting going on behind us," Ayame commented five minutes later. She frowned as Naruto landed on a telephone pole awkwardly, his face turning bright red as he wobbled.

"Naruto-kun? Are you allright? Naruto?" The ramen girl pressed. Naruto took deep breaths, willing himself to calm down.

"I'm… Fine… Um… One of my… Clones just dispelled." Naruto shivered, and Ayame blinked.

"Eh? What do you mean? How do you know?"

"I have a chakra link to them at all times. Kind of like a telephone line. When one of them is destroyed, their memories are transferred back to me," Naruto said matter of factly. Ayame giggled as Naruto raised an eyebrow at her.

"Hey! What's so funny?"

"You! You're talking so formally and intelligently! It's quite a change from the last time I saw you," Ayame smiled. "Tell me, when was the last time you said 'dattebayo'?" Naruto frowned thoughtfully, and shrugged.

"I say it in my head now," Naruto quipped, to which Ayame giggled again. The blond nin smiled back. Ayame frowned.

"So, what was it that your bunshin was doing that made you blush?" She asked, a small smirk on her face. Naruto sighed, before opening a chakra link to the Kyuubi. He _had_ to figure out how to shut it off entirely or he'd _never_ get any peace!

_Bastard fox… Just what the hell are you hoping to accomplish by having women lust after me like this?!_

**IT GOT YOU LAID, DIDN'T IT?** Thrown a bit by the Kyuubi's usage of that particular colloquialism, Naruto managed to find his anger again in an instant.

_THAT WASN'T ME! THAT WAS A KAGE BUNSHIN! _

**I'M SURE THE MEMORIES ARE WORTH IT REGARDLESS.**

_You keep this up and our deal's off!_ The Kyuubi laughed mockingly through the link.

**WITHOUT ME, WHELP, YOU DON'T STAND A CHANCE AGAINST THE SNAKE. THE ASSASSIN'S TRAINING HAS MADE YOU A MATCH FOR YOUR SENSEI WITH THE SHARINGAN, BUT AGAINST A SANNIN, WELL… **Naruto growled, out loud and over the link, causing Ayame to stare.

"Naruto? Are you allright?" The blond coughed and blushed… And blushed even _more_ when _another_ kage bunshin was… Dispelled.

"Um… Oh look! There's the ramen stand, Ayame-nee-chan! Man, am I hungry!" Ayame smirked. She could guess what his clones were up to. It was _very_ perverted, but then this _was_ Naruto. His determination to keep her out of the path of that Anko woman was so like him.

So why was she feeling a twinge of jealousy when she thought of what that Anko woman was doing, and with whose clones?

"Naruto!" She chided, as the blond ninja's nose nearly _exploded_ in blood as they landed. He fell to his knees, shivering as she held his nose. Ayame sighed and knelt down, holding out a handkerchief to try and stem the flow.

"Gah… 'Big finish' she said," Naruto muttered, mortified. Ayame smirked.

"C'mon, I'll get you a miso ramen. On the house," she said comfortingly, as she led the blond away.

Elsewhere, an extremely satisfied Anko had curled up under a henge to rest a while in the sun. Appropriately enough as a cat with snake-like eyes.

"Mmmm… Not bad… But needs more experience," she purred.

And far to the east, a pair of green-clad nin were racing as fast as they could for home. Their trek had taken two days already, but they swore if it took them one more day they'd run from Konoha to Suna right back to where they started from in _half_ the time…

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The cavern was one of dozens, perhaps hundreds, within the Akatsuki base. Wide and vented well, it was perfect as a training field. Deidara himself had always preferred it when practicing his art. Even now, the blond smirked nastily across the dirt floor at his opponent.

"Well, well… You didn't turn out so bad for an old geezer, yeah?" Deidara crooned mockingly. His opponent was clad in a black T-shirt, black pants, and traditional nin sandals over leg wrappings. Hanging from a simple belt was a leather sheath for a short straight sword. Clearly a man in gender, he was more solidly built that Deidara but taller, a body profile one might expect to find on a dedicated athlete. His face was rough and unshaven, a square jaw underneath and sharp, beak-like nose and narrowed brown eyes. His hair was silvery gray and almost fur-like, short and ruffled.

The grey-haired nin sighed, pulling out his blade. It was short, barely two-thirds of a meter long, with a single edge and slight curve at the tip. Deidara smirked and forced chakra into his palms, bending down before sucking dirt into his palm-mouths and quickly molding the resulting clay into weapons.

"Nothing to say?" His opponent rolled his eyes, one hand behind his back. Deidara unleashed a flock of clay insects from his hands, the chakra-explosives buzzing and humming like the real thing and swarming for the nin.

"_Doton: Doroku Gaeshi!"_ Was heard as the grey-haired man slammed his hands down, a wall of earth blasting up. Deidara smirked.

"_KATSU!"_ The swarm exploded all around the barrier, kicking up dust and debris. Deidara quickly fashioned several clay exploding birds before cautiously approaching. He frowned, chakra pulling lightly on his senses. However, where from he wasn't sure…

"Die," said a small voice behind him, and Deidara had two birds fly behind him.

"_Katsu!"_ The explosions were focused but Deidara leapt away anyway, surveying the area carefully while in mid-air. His opponent was hiding…

Deidara landed near one of the walls, carefully reaching out with his chakra senses. He could sense the other members of Akatsuki nearby, watching the "training session". He could pick up what seemed to be another source, very close…

A strong arm was suddenly around his throat and he choked as the tip of a blade was put between his shoulder blades.

"_Meisaigakure no Jutsu," _his assailant whispered, just before he drove the sword through the blond's chest. Deidara gasped, blood dripping out of his mouth as he felt his heart abruptly stop beating. His vision grew dark, as the dirt floor approached.

_Stupid Sasori's going to gloat about his art now…_ Was his last thought.

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"_Meisaigakure no Jutsu_, huh_?"_ Kisame commented blandly, as the grey-haired nin finished his masterful performance by slicing Deidara's head off. The blond head rolled in the dirt only a foot, an expression of shock frozen onto the "artist's" face.

"Impressive. He used Shadow clones to herd Deidara right into his trap," the Akatsuki leader observed. "He has regained his abilities very quickly."

"Hm… Looks like I'll be needing a new partner then," Sasori added coldly. He had not particularly cared for the blond, and the fact that he'd been so easily defeated only reinforced his disdain for a "fellow artist".

"Tusume. Return to your cell." The grey-haired nin deathglared the Akatsuki leader, right where he was observing from the one-way, genjutsu-disguised glass… Before turning away and stalking to a door that opened up on the far side of the cavern.

"You are certain the seal has rendered him our slave, leader?" Itachi posed quietly. The Akatsuki leader smirked.

"The Dog may be the weakest of the Tailed Beasts, but its will is far beyond any _mortal's._ Redirected through the seal, he will never act against any of us… Unless I order it first." The Akatsuki leader held in a smirk as he perceived Itachi's heartbeat change, only a little. "Now then… Let us begin preparations for finding a new member."

"Can I eat the remains?" Zetsu asked, the black side of his face licking it's lips. The leader sighed.

"Leave the ring. The rest you may have."

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Tenten bit her lower lip as the _somewhat_ familiar form of Tusume reappeared in their cell. As far as prisons went, this one at least had a clean stone floor and bunks, as well as a toilet. Clearly they intended for them to stay a while. Just her and her…

"What happened to you?" Tenten asked, sitting on one of the bunks in question. Tusume sighed, tossing his _ninjaken_ onto the floor and sitting on the bunk across from her.

"I killed the transvestite." Tenten raised a single, elegant eyebrow.

"Which one?"

"The blond one."

"Oh yeah… Fast?" Tusume nodded.

"Too bad," the weapons specialist sighed. Tusume frowned.

"I'm sorry, I've only gotten a _demon_ shoved into my body which caused me to regress in age by at _least_ three decades, in the _last_ two days. Oh yeah, and they've had me _fighting_ constantly to get back into _some _kind of _shape._ Next time I'll draw it out so my unstable chakra will _fry me_." Tenten glared back.

"If you're _so_ strong, why don't you kill them all?" Tusume sighed.

"I got the blond because he _underestimated_ me. The others won't." Tenten glowered, before looking at the far wall in a huff. Tusume sighed, leaning back against his wall with his eyes closed. Even now, he could feel the seal working it's so-called magic on him. His chakra was back, his stamina too-The design of the seal, however, only let the most passive elements of the demon affect him. He had to give the Akatsuki leader credit-He wasn't a seal master, but this one was top-notch.

_And if I try to mess with it, it kills me instantly. Or if I try to attack someone he hasn't given me permission to,_ he thought darkly. He opened his eyes and looked at Tenten again. The bunned girl looked back, and resumed glaring at him.

"What?" The girl gritted her teeth. Tusume nodded mentally. _God, does this bring back memories…_

"HOW THE HELL ARE YOU MY FATHER?! I mean, HOW OLD ARE YOU ANYWAY?! And WHAT the hell do they need _you_ for? OR ME?!" Tenten raged, standing up and shaking her fists at him. Tusume grimaced.

"Well, looks like you got your mom's temper-HEY!" The smaller girl had grabbed Tusume by the collar and was snarling in his face. He gulped.

"You. Have skirted. The issue. FOR TWO DAYS! Now you're going to tell me EVERYTHING, or so help me I'll MAKE SURE YOU CAN'T HAVE ANY MORE KIDS! UNDERSTAND?!"

Tusume nodded, and she slowly backed off. She sat on the cot and glared, tapping one foot while crossing her arms under her chest.

"_Well?"_ She hissed. Tusume groaned.

"Okay, okay, _fine…_ First off… I'm sure you're aware of the birds and the bees-"

"Would you like me to perform the Castration Jutsu right now?" Tenten asked. Tusume sighed.

"Right, fine… Look. I'm sure you heard that blowhard's speech about the Beast of Holding. Ever hear of Yukigakure?" Tenten nodded.

"'The Village Hidden in the Snow'?Yeah, Naruto and his team went on a mission there a few years back." Tusume frowned.

"Naruto?"

"Er, Uzumaki Naruto. He's a... friend of mine," Tenten explained, though she had a slight blush on her face.

_Irony, thy name is Tusume,_ the older nin mentally sighed.

"Anyway, I was sent on an assassination mission there, about sixteen years ago. I was supposed to find the leader of the rogue nin who'd conquered the place from the inside and kill him, because he'd begun making deals with some missing nin within the Land of Fire to start terrorist bombings against Konoha."

"Why?"

"The guy (name was Seto, by the way) was fucked in the head, that's why. Thought he could terrorize Konoha into backing off from it's current holdings after the war against Cloud. Anyway, I posed as a weapons dealer and was soon admitted to Seto's base. Basically, I would arrange for massive amounts of illegal weaponry to filter into Snow in exchange for a hefty payout _after_ his plan succeeded." Tenten leaned forward.

"And… That's where you met my mother, right?" Tusume nodded.

"She was… Look. Sure you want to hear this?" Tenten ground her teeth momentarily… Before nodding.

"Yes… I do." Tusume sighed.

"Your mother's name was Junko, and she was of a group of women Seto's group had gathered up from the local villagers as whores. She was sent to me for the night… And if we didn't… You know… She'd have been killed. It was their way of breaking their women." Tenten's grip on the edge of her bed tightened, but she stayed otherwise outwardly calm.

"… I see."

"Don't be that way. She used to be the village librarian," Tusume tried to smile comfortingly. "Hell, it was her who helped me get in to kill the bastard." Tenten blinked.

"She did?" Tusume nodded. Hell, the mission was barely classified anyway, why not spill everything?

"She did. Turns out Seto was keeping her around for more than one reason… Sorry."

"I've heard worse."

"Right. That reason was a device, a powerful and ancient one, that was thought of only as a legend. Seto thought he could get his hands on it if he had her research through the libraries, as she was one of the few who could read the old language the texts referring to the machine were in." Tusume sighed. "So anyway… She made up a story about me having some knowledge of old technology like what was mentioned in the texts. This got me to a meeting with him, in private, as the paranoid bastard didn't want his subordinates knowing about it."

"And then?"

"Then, well… I tried to kill him, but the bastard was strong. I managed to keep him from alerting his goons but even trapping him in the office with a special jutsu didn't last long. But, one of Seto's men, Doto, turned on him. He'd been hiding in the office the whole time-Heard Junko and my plan. Creepy bastard had this fixation on her… He stabbed his leader in the back, and let me go." Tenten frowned.

"Didn't you offer my mother the chance to come with you?" Tusume sighed heavily.

"Kid… Tenten… I'm sorry, but…" The girl's frown deepened as her bangs fell over her eyes.

"You didn't love her, did you."

Tusume felt a heavy weight in his chest that had nothing to do with the demon sealed inside. He sighed.

"No. I didn't. She didn't love me either, for that matter. She wanted to stay with Doto, be at his side and rule the country together… She sent a message a year later, telling me that she'd given birth to a child. It wasn't Doto's, which made him furious, but instead of killing it-You-he offered to let me come and pick you up. And I did so. I brought you to Konoha." Tenten drooped even further.

"… You weren't authorized to go, huh?" Tusume sighed yet again. He seemed to be doing that a lot.

"No. I couldn't claim you as my kid legally, either, since you were born outside the country. It's kind of fortunate that, in the mess following the Kyuubi attack, I was able to put you in an orphanage, claiming that I'd found you bawling in the ruins of the hospital. Nobody asked me any more questions, and any support I gave you on the sly was just seen as, well, sympathy. But I couldn't go any further than that because, well… Doto wanted no hint of your origins found. _None._" Tenten nodded slowly, numbly.

"So… You're the one who… Looked out for me financially all those years?" Tusume nodded and smirked, a hint of paternal pride in his eyes.

"Yeah… You're probably the finest weapons mistress I've seen in a _while._" Tenten flushed a bit and smiled timidly back.

"Thanks… Um…"

"Look. Don't call me Dad. It's-"

"_Really_ awkward," Tenten finished. "At least, you know… Right now."

"Believe me… I'd have done-"

"It's okay… I understand," Tenten spoke, quietly but honestly to Tusume's senses. "It's part of The Life." Tusume nodded.

"Yeah…"

"One thing I don't get though… Why did you look so… _Old,_ anyway?" Tenten asked. Tusume shrugged.

"Well, you heard how the Beast of Holding is the only thing that can hold a Bijuu?" Tenten nodded.

"Yes…"

"Well, it can only hold a Bijuu if it's physical body is stripped away first. I tried to use it on the Kyuubi… And lost thirty years of my life, while _it_ continued to rampage." Tusume shrugged. "I at least bought some more time for the Fourth to figure out how to defeat the damn thing…" Tenten nodded.

"And now… They're going to have you summon it, to seal away the Biju, so they can… Rule the world?" Tenten fidgeted awkwardly. "For… me?"

"No offense, but I'm not sacrificing the world for _anything…_ Not even you," Tusume stated bluntly. Tenten nodded.

"I wouldn't either. So… I'm guessing you have a plan then?" Tusume shrugged.

"… Sort of." Tenten raised an eyebrow at him.

"I'm _working_ on it…"

"Oh yeah, that's _so_ encouraging," Tenten growled. "God, you remind me of Naruto!" Tusume smirked.

"Oh ho, I do, do I? You seem to talk about him a lot." Tenten blushed slightly.

"S-So what if I do?! He's my friend! … Sort of… Um…"

"Look, if you want to pursue him, I'm good with it. I've heard good things about him," Tusume offered. Tenten narrowed her eyes.

"You read _Icha Icha Paradise?"_ Tusume coughed.

"Um… For the articles… Really."

"There are no articles!"

"Oh, so you read it then?"

"… Um… Er. Shouldn't we be trying to escape?"

"While they're overhearing? Screw it. Let's catch up. Maybe they'll have a heart attack if we get particularly mushy."

"I hate being mushy!"

"Well, that makes two of us…"

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_Thank God for hyperactive plot bunnies! With which I write REALLY fast! Hope this plot development arc isn't boring you guys too badly. And I hope Tenten's backstory I made up isn't making you cringe. Yes, there are refs to the first Naruto movie. I hoped it would make it more authentic. Like it, hate it, I'd appreciate a review telling me about it._

_NEXT TIME: Gai and Lee relate Tenten's fate, leading Danzo to order Team 7 out to… Sunagakure? And who is waiting for them in the Land of Winds?_


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